Lipstick
by GayDown
Summary: The story of two neighbours, two boys and two friends with two seperate lives that came together as one. Highschool AU, warnings: Crossdressing, Trangender/queer, language, sexual themes, swearing, violence, inaccuracy of American life/ Geography. Rating raised due to explicit sexual experiences. REVIEWS PLEASE FOR MOTIVATION!
1. Neighbours

DEAN

_Dean Winchester had just turned sixteen years old when he first met Castiel Novak.  
Of course at the time he didn't know that was the other teen's name._

"I think they came from the City- New York or something-" Sam said adamantly, having been watching the Novak family move into the double story house for the last thirty minutes, speculating about which of the five Novak children he thought was the oldest and why in the first place did they decide to move down to the small town of Lawrence, Kansas.  
Dean shuffled from his position on the couch, kicking his legs up and off the coffee table to plant them firmly on the ground as he padded barefoot towards Sam sitting up against the lounge room window.  
"Come on Sammy, you look like a freaking creeper with you're nose pressed up against the glass like that."  
"_'Sammy'_ is a ten year old kid Dean." Sam scolded looking away from the window and up towards his older brother. "I'm almost thirteen now, I'm not a kid anymore."  
"You'll always be a kid in my eyes Sammy." Dean smirked, laughing as Sam reached out and punched him.  
"Jerk." Sam said, but not without affection.  
"Bitch."  
The two boys fell into a comfortable silence. Dean soon joined his brother looking out of the lounge room window and to the street outside. Rain tracked across the clear glass like tear drops, the weather outside was dreary and overcast serving to make the world outside and the heavily coated Novak family look exceptionally cold and wet. Which Dean supposed they most likely were.

The new family was working quickly in the rain, efficiently like a well oiled machine, as Dean looked down he couldn't help but feel bad for his new neighbours; it was pouring outside, miserable really, and the family of five- one single father by the looks of it, and four children, three boys one girl seemed to have a lot of stuff that they had to move into their house quickly as to save it from the rain.  
But Dean didn't feel bad enough to go down and help with the unpacking. He hated the rain after all.

He could see each of his new neighbours clearly, a girl with bright red hair, laughing with what looked like her older, blonde brother despite the rain that poured around them. The two oldest Novak's were followed by the father; Mr. Novak- who Dean would later learn preferred to be called Joshua who was hurrying along his two remaining sons, the youngest a small, Dean briefly thought midget sized boy who looked about Sam's age with dark saturated brown hair.  
Probably the only thing that drew Dean's attention to the Novak family was the last and second eldest brother of the family. The boy had unruly dark hair that was slick with rain to his head; unlike his siblings he was not smiling, which Dean thought was the normal reaction to the shitty chore he was having to do. In the rain of all things, Dean thought incredulously.

The other boy was wearing an overly large, ill fitting beige trench coat as he carried an already soaking cardboard box of what looked like to Dean a bunch of overly wrapped and protected books.  
As Dean continued watching he could see that the trench coat guy carried his belongings in swiftly yet almost relaxed. He did not stop to splash his siblings by jumping in the puddles beside them, like the youngest Novak did, nor did he run inside frantically when the downpour increased like the rest of the family did. He continued on, almost robotically unpacking and carrying the boxes inside without even looking up from his feet as he did so.

"Maybe we should go out and help them, you know, welcome them to the neighbour hood?" Sam suggested, after a few minutes of silently watching the family. Though his words were kind, earnestly so Dean knew that his little brother loathed the idea of leaving their cosy Kansas home to step outside into the elements just as much as he did.  
Dean glanced back to the car magazine he had discarded on the couch, before ruffling Sam's hair as he walked away from the window.  
"Yeah, you go do that." He said, collecting his magazine before heading towards his bedroom on the second floor. Sam just made a sound of indifference in reply returning his attention outside.

Dean chuckled to himself lowly. He couldn't understand why Sam was so fascinated by the new family next door. He guessed it was mostly likely because of the fact that aside from Miss Mason's two twin girls aged three years old, Sammy and himself were the only 'kids' in the whole street.  
And aside from Missouri, a widowed, kind woman who used to baby sit them as well as being an old a friend of their parents, there was hardly any people worth making an effort with on their street.

As Dean returned to his room, intent on browsing the internet and going over a few magazines for the afternoon. He did not give the Novak family, nor the sullen guy in the trench coat a second thought for the rest of the afternoon.

Dean discovered later that night that the guy in the beige trench coat- who he had mentally dubbed Trench coat guy- was now the proud owner of the bedroom facing directly opposite from his. Dean wasn't particularly fussed by this turn of events. The room had been, for many months now empty and abandoned and before that had been an unused guest room for a woman who in Dean's own opinion's only guests were the stray cat's that had kept her company.

Only a few meters of yard and fence separated the two homes. Dean's window instead of facing the once blank and empty room now faced the other boy's room openly, so that if you stood in the left hand corner of the window you could see almost every corner of the other boys room. Not that Dean particularly cared.  
He just hoped that the other guy couldn't see into _his_ room, 'The Bat Cave', as he had so fondly called it from a young age. Dean's own room was littered with a myriad of posters of car models and custom paint designs for his new, old car- his father's old 1967 Chevy Impala- and various posters of the classic (and in Dean's opinion the only good) Rock bands. The room screamed personality, Dean's personality and he very much liked it that way.

Trench Coat guy's room however remained relatively untouched, despite the fact that Dean had noticed he had been shut up in there since the moving vans left. He barely had unpacked any of his boxes, in fact the only thing he had done was position himself on his equally plain single bed and pull out what seemed to be a dusty old book. He had barley raised his head in hours, and didn't even seem to realise that he was clearly visible to his neighbour.

Dean had concluded that despite what Sam said about the Novak's being 'interesting people'- when he had welcomed them to the neighbourhood with their mother, Mary, a few hours previous- he figured that the Trench Coat guy, was most likely just another boring, teenage book worm.  
He didn't think that the lanky teen, with the large, light blue eyes and the constantly frowning face was particularly interesting after all.

***  
_It was what could be considered days later- a few days before the new semester of school started- that Dean first reconsidered his prenotion's about the Trench Coat guy being boring and uninteresting, though that morning- before his revelation- his thoughts regarding the Novak family were unaltered._

Sam had spent the better half of the morning treating the reluctant Dean to the scraps of information he had managed to learn about their allusive new neighbours;  
_One_ they were religious, Christian's actually; news which Dean just snorted at earning a frown from his brother before he gestured for him to continue.  
_  
Two,_ Sam had also learnt that each of the five children were named after Angels or something- a fact Dean found, Sam wouldn't shut his trap up about because he thought that his own name was relatively boring in comparison. Dean just thought it was weird.

And _thirdly_, that four of the children, Michael, Anna, Gabriel and Castiel would all attend Dean's High school, with one of them actually being in Dean's year.  
Upon hearing this information, Dean thinking of other things, namely Lisa Braden, raised one shoulder In a half hearted shrug.

"So what?" He said only half listening to his brothers babbling. "So they've got some wacky arse names and are coming to school with us. Who cares?"  
Sam added lightly that maybe it would be a good thing for Dean to make friends with the new neighbours, considering that it must be hard as they didn't know anyone in the school yet.  
"Look, Sammy." Dean began, "It's not my job to make friends, I don't want or have the need to, but if you wanna go over there and make girl-pals and braid each others hair then you're going to have to do it without me, alright?"  
"You don't have to be a jerk about it Dean, the least you could do is go over and say hi."  
Dean snorted. "What and steal all you're potential friends, once they see what Winchester they're missing they'll forget all about a scrawny kid like you." He teased.  
The truth was that Samuel Winchester was scrawny, with his messy mop of brown hair a fair few shades darker than Dean's. Yet both Dean and their mother Mary couldn't help secretly and thinking that by the time Sam was Dean's age he would have far outgrown his older brother.

Sam seeming to know that he brother wouldn't budge on the issue, decided to roll his eyes and return back to his book. "Jerk." He muttered under his breathe.  
Dean smirked to himself, but he knew his younger brother wouldn't just drop the issue that easily. "Bitch." He said, for that was all there was to say on the subject.

That night Dean lay on his bed, atop of the covers, rolling over occasionally to the right side as to check his phone for any new messages from Jo or Ash, his two best friends. So far he hadn't received any replies. He was roused however from his pit of dejection as he heard a loud and distinct crash from next door, like a slam. The sound was so loud that Dean himself jumped from under his sheets, in an incredibly _manly_and not at all startled way.

He hurriedly flipped himself around on his bed edging closer to his window, curiosity for the time being; fuelling his blood into pumping faster, his nerves on edge. There was another slam, lighter now but with no less intent behind it as Dean hid in the shadows of his own room, peering through the blinds of his window and into Trench Coat guy's always uncovered and open window.

He shuffled closer, making it so that he could see inside the other boy's room, without- hopefully- being seen himself.

Trench Coat guys room, days after having moved in was still barley unpacked. Boxes- which Dean had learnt from casual observation were indeed filled with dusty books and other such nerdy stuff, which littered most of the limited space of the room. A small cabinet with a mirror was positioned right opposite Dean's window making it so that in the light of day, he could see a smaller version of himself reflected in the clear glass.

There was another thump as the closet was shut and Trench Coat guy appeared, for the first time not wearing the trench coat. Without the coat, he looked more lean than lanky, with the slight beginnings of muscles working up his arms in the whiteshirt as he lifted what seemed like a small wooden box from the top shelf of his closet and down onto the bed on the opposite side. He wore a simple white shirt which was discarded quickly revealing the white and actually tight tank top beneath. Dean had to make a mental note that without the trench coat, the suit jacket and the shirt the kid wasn't entirely scrawny, but he was rather pale and bony. The guy's usual black dress pants had been exchanged for a simple pair of dark sweat pants that hung low on his prominent hipbones.

Dean allowed himself the time to watch for a moment, taking in the smooth and pale expanse of skin on the boy's waist and hips as the tank top bunched up before he returned his attention to more appropriate and less weird observations.

It was obvious to Dean that, from the way Trench Coat guy's shoulders shook, that he had been crying. If it hadn't of been for the distraction of the stoic teen wearing a lot less clothing than Dean expected it would probably have been the first thing that Dean noticed about him. His eyes were red rimmed and puffy, as if he had rubbed them raw, and his thin lips were drawn and tight as if it was taking all of his effort just to keep the sobs in.

Despite the other boy's obvious need for privacy Dean, couldn't- _wouldn't_ look away. He observed him as if watching a movie, with a vague detachment to the entire situation, yet unable to tear his eyes away. The boy buckled to his knees at the edge of his bed, hands running carefully up and over the sides of the wooden box, before he lifted the lid, taking a -what looked like a- shaky breath as he looked inside.

Dean wasn't quite sure what he had been expecting, a couple of porn mags, drugs… whatever it was it was obviously something that gave the boy comfort as a look of almost instant peace passed over his face, the once constant frown easing as he looked into the box and much to Dean's surprise withdrew a long, looped pearl necklace. Dean only had a moment to ponder the origins of the necklace (Sam had mentioned earlier that morning that the mother had died a while back, perhaps it was hers) before he watched Trench coat kid reach inside the box again, this time drawing out a small cylindrical tube which looked slightly like a gun shell, which was followed by what looked like a thicker, longer tube that looked strangely familiar.

The boy stood hurriedly closing the box while fisting the items in his hands before glancing to his bedroom door with a look that screamed of something halfway between deer-caught-in-headlights and anger. Whatever the emotion was, it passed quickly and the boy's shoulder minutely relaxed from their stiff position as he sat down in front of the vanity mirror, his back now to Dean as he set the items he had collected out on the surface in front of him.

Dean felt his mouth pop open in understanding as he shifted his position slowly, so now he could see the boy's tight jawed face reflected in the mirror. He had his eyes closed, just breathing heavily from Dean's perspective before his eyes opened and he looked into the mirror vacantly, as if he too was viewing himself with the same surreal detachment Dean was currently feeling. Something told Dean that he did not particularly like what he saw as his hands clenched white knuckled at his sides, his lips forming a thin, displeased line. He looked down again, glancing to the door one final time before picking up the gun shell tube, twisting the cap slowly as if he was ready to throw it away if need be, and settling about his work.

Dean had seen his mother prepare for her job as a secretary for the _Lawrence City Herald_ in the mornings often enough to realise that the item the boy was holding was lipstick. For a moment Dean felt a drizzle of uncertainty trickle into his awareness as he viewed the boy applying the robust red tint to his own lips with a shaking hand.

He shouldn't be watching this, it was uncomfortable watching the array of emotions cross over the boy's features, and settle in his bright blue eyes as he puckered his once thin, slightly pink lips and transformed them into- for lack of a better phrase, full, ruby red lips that any girl would be jealous of.

As the minutes passed and the creases of concentration eased into the smoothness of peace Dean felt himself watch in stunned and shocked silence as the boy underwent his own personal transformation. He could see the boy tilt his chin up just that bit higher as he set down the lipstick and moved on to doting his eyelashes with something that Dean quickly realised must be mascara. The Boy's shoulders were rolled back confidently, almost proudly, his eyes looking larger and bluer in contrast to the black mascara that extended and defined his already long lashes.

Dean couldn't stop the small tweak of the corners of his own mouth as the boy smiled at his own reflection, looking completely different than the defeated boy who slumped in the chair just a few minutes prior. The boy, seeming more confident now, spun back on his chair, reaching over to the bed and removing yet more makeup from the wooden box, before returning to the mirror. Dean was man enough to admit the other stuff the boy pulled out he had no idea what it was, other than it seemed to clear up the red splotches on the boy's face from the tears, cover up the dark circles under his eyes and make him smile bigger and brighter than before with each new stroke of his fingers, or sponge.

It wasn't until the face was fully transformed, looking finer and clearer and possibly _glowing_ that the boy looked back to the pearl necklace.  
For just the barest of moments, he seemed hesitant. Dean didn't realise he had been watching the whole transformation holding his breath till the boy looked back into the mirror, his sudden joy and lightness spluttering like a dying flame before burning out fully as he returned his attention to the necklace, draping it over his head to settle it to the hollow of his neck as he swallowed heavily, Adams apple bobbing. Even from the distance Dean could see once again the boy's eyes brimming with the onset of tears.

***  
It was in that moment that Sam in all his little brother glory decided to burst into Dean's room flicking on the light and exposing Dean's current and completely absurd position crouched on his knees by the left hand side of the window.  
Faster than Dean could have realised he rolled away from the window, simultaneously Trench coat guy's eyes flickered in the mirror looking up and into Dean's room.

"Hey Dean you remember this morning me mentioning Jess right-" Sam paused, casting a quizzical glance to his brother. "Eh…wha'd ya doing?"  
Dean quickly shut his blinds and stood going for nonchalance and failing, the act of which caused Sam's eyebrows to rise, disappearing behind his shaggy fringe.

"None of you're god damned business, that's what." Said Dean defensibly, far too defensibly to sound at all convincing.  
"Er... alright, Dean chill out." Sam said holding up his hands as he stood in the doorway. "Anyway, back to Jess, the girl I told you about? She might be coming over tomorrow to get a little study in before school-"  
"Study?" Dean questioned waggling his eyebrows suggestively as he stepped away from the window. "Sammy you dog."  
"God Dean! No not everyone is like you okay and beds the first girl who even looks at you."  
"That's because a look's all it takes lil'bro." Dean smirked, "but you so admit that youlike her?" He was glad to have some sense of _normality_ returned to him as he bantered with his younger brother. "You've got a little crush don't you?"  
"See this is exactly the reason why I came to talk to you Dean, you can't say this stuff while she's over here, okay!" said Sam sounding desperate.

"Don't worry man I won't barge in on your little study date." Sam however did not look convinced so Dean continued stepping closer to his brother clapping him on the shoulder as he raised his right hand in a three fingered salute. "You have my word, scouts honour. That I will not embarrass you in front of you're study buddy." The barest hint of relief broke through Sam's bitch face making Dean smile. "Besides I was going to head over to Ash's anyway for the afternoon, catch up on a little gaming."

"You mean getting both your asses handed to you by Jo in the process." Sam countered before adding almost as an after thought. "You know" he began, nodding towards the window. "If you wanted to meet our new neighbours you should have just introduced yourself with me earlier, that would have given you some actual face time instead of looking like a massive creeper staring through your window-"

Dean would later on find himself thinking over all of the possible obscene and obnoxious comments he could have made in retaliation, now however he felt his mind draw a blank, the type of blank Dean was only known for giving when he had to hand in a test he hadn't prepared for.

He didn't even realise Sam was half way out the door before he spoke again, casting Dean a pointed look over his shoulder. "Just try not to scare them away with you're creepy staring alright, it's about time we had some other kids our age on the block."  
"I wasn't staring." Dean said, but his comment was met with a simple, almost knowing smirk and a 'night Dean' as Sam, as quickly as he arrived, left shutting Dean's door behind him.

_Yeah you better run kid, or I'll show Jess those baby albums of yours_. Dean thought venously before casting a look behind him, towards his own closed window.  
He approached it cautiously, before uneasily reaching out and pulling the thick blinds aside throwing a glance out towards the other house. Trench Coat guy's room was now dark, not a single light visible yet the window remained uncovered.

Feeling strangely guilty, Dean trundled back to bed. He stripped down to his bare boxers and lay flat under the sheets, at first unable to get to sleep properly his thoughts -shock and guilt at watching a complete stranger at such a private and vulnerable point- firing his nerves made it almost impossible for him to fall asleep. He felt uncomfortable in more ways than one, and it wasn't until what felt like hours later that he was finally able to push the entire episode aside, bury it deep within himself along with his feelings on the matter drift off to a fitful sleep.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Critisems/opinions are welcome, It would really help me to see if you all think this is worth continuing, i don't think anyone has done a Highschool AU quite like what i am planning to do with this, but if you could let me know i'd be thankful :)

Cheers,


	2. Castiel Novak

_It was about a week later that Dean saw the Trench coat guy again and that he learnt his name._

They were already three days into the new school semester, and Dean was loving every bit of it. Well, not the actual school work aspect of it anyway. He had his friends, Ash and Jo. Was yet to be given any homework- not that he would do it anyway if he was given it and was talking to Lisa on an almost constant basis, since they had maths class together and Lisa had for the last three days sat in the row right in front of Dean, making it even easier to pass flirty notes back and fourth.  
Everything in the new school term was falling into place.

It wasn't until last period, Art class (a subject that Dean had only taken as to not take a further maths or home economics, and had little to no interest/talent in) when Dean caught sight of a familiar beige overcoat wearing being standing by the teacher's desk as he entered the room.

"Now, _Castiel_ the School roll shows that as a new student you have been absent since the start of the semester, and for the first few lessons today."  
_Castiel?_ Dean thought at the time, only vaguely remembering what Sam had mentioned a week before about each of the Novak children being named after Angels. _What kind of a name is that?_  
With a name like that Dean definitely did not expect the gravelly, low voice that came out of the boy's- _Castiel's_mouth.

"My family has been going through a period of adjustment." Castiel said as though he had been swallowing gravel. Though his words were strong, and somewhat weirdly phrased he maintained his eye contact down at the teacher's desk rather than her face. "I have yet to have the opportunity to spend a full day at school. But we are settled now and I will try to attend more regularly."  
The teacher arched an eyebrow with a slight understanding smile on her lips. "Well, just try to attend _my_ classes Castiel, I know being the new student can be hard-"

The coat- up close- Dean realised looked about three sizes too big for the guy, and must have been sweltering in the hot weather they were having consistently after the storm about a week previously- the day the Novak's moved to town. Without turning in to hear the rest of the teachers speech (Dean considered the old, greying woman a nut case anyways with all her; _self-expression_ and _inner energy_) Dean stalked past them, catching himself from glancing at Castiel's slightly pink lips. Lips which Dean vaguely could recall how they looked in a glossy red tint.

He sat at his desk, staring down at his blank art book- not looking up as the class settled down around him (Neither Jo nor Ash were in Dean's art class), and despite Dean's not popular- but definitely not low social standing within the school he didn't talk nor sit next to any of his other classmates, all arty type hipster's by the looks of them. He didn't even want to be here.

He didn't look up the entire time while the teacher introduced Castiel to the rest of the class. Yet he didn't need to look up to get the distinct impression that rather than standing up in front of the class Castiel would much rather the ground swallow him up whole. Dean also didn't look up as Castiel sat down on the opposite side to the table from him, so they were facing each other, mirroring the position of their windows back home. He _still_ didn't lift his head as Castiel cast him a cautious glance, clear blue eyes flashing as they examined Dean before quickly darting back to the front of the class as the Teacher began her next speech about Art being a place of free expression and a _'chance to spread your wings. And let your colours show.'_

Dean however did look up in enough time to catch one side of Castiel's slim lips tilt up in a smile at the teacher's words. It was only a vague shadow of the smile Dean remembered the boy having- when his eyes were dark and framed by make-up and his lips the colour of rubies, but it was still oddly… nice to see the boy smile. If only half heartedly.

And with that _weird_ thought entering Dean's mind he quickly pulled his head down and kept it down for the entirety of the lesson, painfully aware of the boy- Castiel Novak sitting opposite him.  
Needless to say Dean was relieved when the bell signalling the end of the day and therefore the end of the lesson sounded.  
He didn't even look at Castiel as he left the room, escaping down the hall to his lockers, grabbing his few belongings and raced outside to his baby.

***  
"_Dee-aan we should give him a lift blah blah blahhh, Blah_!"  
Okay it wasn't exactly what Sam said but it was how it sounded to Dean at least. Fo a while now he had to strongly resist the rising urge to reach out and slap Sam's hand away as he turned the stereo down from the front seat, effectively silencing 'Stairway to Heaven'. He had made no attempts to talk to Castiel in that Art class, and had made no other attempts since finding out in the past two weeks since then that he actually shared both Art and history as well as lunch break with the guy. Dean figured it wasn't as if he had anything against Castiel, not really and besides he had justified not even introducing himself to the guy by stating that Castiel hadn't exactly made any attempts at conversation with him either, so when questioned by Sammy and once Mary he considered himself off the hook.

Though Castiel had asked for an eraser- once. That gravelly deep voice shot Dean's nerves instantly- as he quickly realised that, that voice was directed at _him_. At the time he had just innately chucked the eraser Castiel's way without looking up from his work as he muttered what he hoped sounded like a nonchalant "sure" before returning to his own work- which was still a book full of blank pages.  
Dean remembered Castiel uttering a distinct "thankyou Dean." Which surprised him at first- how did he know his name? And yet all Dean could do was grunt in return. And that had been the extent of their interaction.

"What'd I tell you Sammy?" Dean exclaimed turning the radio back up, though not quite as loud as before. "Driver pick's the music, shotgun shut's his-"  
"-It's like a hundred and fifty degrees out there Dean." Sam interrupted much to Dean's annoyance at being interrupted halfway through his classic car mantra. "And he must be boiling in that thing. He has been walking to and from home every day, and it's not exactly a cake walk."

Dean- in a typically Dean manner just shrugged, Sam not noticing or caring at his older brothers annoyance at being interrupted indicated to Castiel, who was walking along the footpath still wearing that _Damned Overcoat_, carrying a bag that looked like it was about to explode from the amount of notes and work within it.

"He's fine Sammy, besides I thought you wanted us to make a stop at Jess's house before we head home."  
"_I-_" Sam corrected quickly, pulling a classic bitch face. "_I_ will make a stop at Jess's house." As Dean had expected at the mentioning of his _'just a girl who's a friend'_ Jess; Sam forgot all about Castiel.  
"You're just driving me there, waiting in the car a few minutes while I drop off some books for her, and then driving me home. _Got it?" _said Sam.  
Dean couldn't help snigger at his younger brothers tone, or his face but that was a different matter entirely. "Sammy, you're so whipped." Said Dean letting go of the stirring wheel for only a second as he paused reversing out of the school parking lot. He made a whip cracking sound and motion before turning his eyes back to the task at hand, smiling widely.

"We should still give him a lift." Sam retorted as an effort to change the subject. He huffed loudly as he looked out the window. Dean smiled as he followed Sam's gaze, catching sight of a pretty red headed girl bounding up to Castiel. "Na, see he's got his sister with him. The dudes fine."

The moment of relief was short lived as Dean's pulled out of the parking lot slowing his baby to an almost crawl as he watched Castiel and his older by one year, sister Anna interact.

She was smiling and gesturing to a small tube in her hand, it was clear and pink and it took Dean all about two seconds to realise that it is Lip gloss. It took him another two seconds after that to register the way Castiel's eyes lit up cautiously. He was obviously barley listening to his sister tell the tale of how her newly made best friends gave her this raspberry lip gloss, and despite her not liking raspberry, she planned to keep it anyway. Dean watched as she cast her brother a knowing smile- one that made Dean's stomach flip- as she held the tube out towards him.

Castiel stopped walking, as he placed his bag down on the ground and took hold of the small tube tenderly; as if it were a glass statue and would shatter in his hands. Dean figured it was impossible for him to be the only one to notice the way Castiel's eyes brightened an incredible shade of blue as his lips split into a small smile.

Suddenly a boy Dean recognised as Castiel's younger brother; Gabriel, showed up. He snatched the lip gloss from Castiel's grasp only to laugh and make kissing noises at his two siblings. The act would have normally been comical- what with Anna beginning to laugh as Gabriel made an idiot of himself impersonating a girl while laughing himself before being chased by Anna for the rest of the block and around the corner. It would have been just normal sibling banter, amusing even- s'long as everybody was laughing and smiling.

But Castiel- Dean noted- wasn't laughing. He looked lost; standing on the side walk with his bag still by his feet watching his brother and sister race ahead, hand still outstretched as though he had, had the most precious thing in the whole world in his grasp, and in the next moment it was taken away.  
With his foot newly pressed on the accelerator, Dean sped away from the sight without a backwards glance. His throat felt strangely tight as he ignored Sam's rebuttals about 'being a selfish bastard', and 'crappy excuse for a neighbour.' For having not offered Castiel a ride.

***  
Jo was the little sister Dean never wanted and the type of boisterous best friend one never brought over to meet your parents. Dean just considered himself and the rest of the Winchester's lucky that John and Mary Winchester were good friends with Jo's mum Ellen Harvell who owned the town's best diner the Roadhouse, so they were accustomed to her- _Jo'ness._

"Haven't made any head way with Lisa yet?" Jo asked one afternoon. She was lying on Dean's bed with her feet in the air, she wriggled her toes frantically as she spoke. Dean- sitting on the edge of his bed facing his window shoved her feet away with a laugh as they entered too near into his own personal space.  
"No, but I'm close though. I mean she's playing hard to get but I'll crack her- who can resist this much awesomeness" he gestured to himself. "For long anyhow."  
"Uh me." Jo giggled as she sat up next to Dean following his gaze out the bedroom window.  
"So spying on the new neighbour huh? Stalker much?"  
Dean, automatically leant over and punched her none too lightly in the arm to which Jo just laughed slapping him across the back.

"His name's Castiel right?" she asked after a moment. Dean nodded. "Well he's in my Math's class with Mr Lanster. Kid's like a walking text book if you ask me. Seems alright though-"  
The pause that followed Jo's words was uncharacteristically silent for the duo.  
"I'm not _stalking_ him." Dean muttered finally more so to himself rather than his friend.  
Jo blinked, unaware that Dean was silent because he was stuck on that one thought. Because he believed first Sam then Jo were right, he _was_acting creepy.

"Uh, okay." She said obviously confused.  
"I'm just… casually observing, I mean son'of'a'bitch never closes his blinds anyhow- you can see right in there all the freaking time!"  
Jo pursed her lips -not quite as naturally pink as Castiel's Dean noted faintly- and nodded. "Okay, _casual observer_- 'cos that so much less creepy. And besides he doesn't close his blinds Dean, cos it looks like he doesn't have any."

Dean could see out of the corner of his eye the expression on Jo's face something between highly amused and concerned. Dean didn't mean to be acting so weird towards Castiel it was just-  
"Wish he would buy some freaking curtains s'all." Dean grunted turning away from the window and Castiel's room to face Jo, who thankfully bit down on her bottom lip and for once didn't press the issue.

***  
After having received Lisa's phone number earlier that same day; Dean was in a surprisingly and rare good mood. This good mood however quickly diminished when later that night Dean realised that Jo was right; he looked out from his own room into Castiel's far too often. Dean and Jo, however that night, were not to be the only ones to stumbled upon that realisation.

Just before Dean was about to go to bed and go about phoning Lisa, he passed by his window, wearing nothing but a well loved _Led Zeppelin _shirt and boxers. As he passed the window, a feeling enveloped him, the feeling of someone watching him and it sent a wave of shivers down his spine to the soles of his feet.

Almost automatically now Dean felt his eyes drawn across the meters of yard separating them till his eyes lock with Castiel's; who was sitting in his open window sill, with a sketch pad in one hand and a pencil tucked neatly behind his messy mop of dark brown hair. Their eyes locked in an unsettling stare and Dean gulped raggedly but didn't break the contact. He couldn't help but wonder if Castiel could see him in the low lighting, or if he did that often on the rare occasions Dean kept his curtains closed and his eyes to himself for the night.

Dean was unsure of the amount of time that they continued to stare at one another, it could have been moment's or maybe hours, but regardless, Castiel turned away first and looked back down to his sketch pad. He gave Dean one last blue orbed 'look' before tucking the pad under his arm; putting the pencil in his mouth and hopping down from the window and back into his room.  
A moment later the lights in his room went out.  
Dean after a few moments did the same; unsure of what actually passed between them he fell asleep quickly, his head barley even hitting the pillow before he was out like a light.

It wasn't until the next morning that Dean realized he had forgotten the promise he made to Lisa to call her before he went to bed.

_***  
Dean wasn't quite sure when staring became his and Castiel's thing.  
He wasn't even aware of its…_ obviousness_ until Ash pointed it out to him at Lunch one day._

Cas -as Dean had mentally decided it was much easier to think of Cas as well, _Cas_ than Castiel- sat by the same tree every lunch with either his sketch book out and a pencil tucked up behind his ear, or on alternate days a book sitting on his lap as he read quietly by himself.  
Some days- Dean observed- Cas eating his lunch taking slow, almost purposeful bites as though he was savouring every crumb of flavour, though in all seriousness Dean wondered how much damn flavour could possibly be in a ham and cheese sandwich. Other day's Cas has no lunch at all and seemed perfectly content with the fact- something which Dean, a person who knowingly couldn't go longer than an hour without eating something, found this so peculiar and weird that he had actually begun to think that something was wrong with the other teen.  
You know aside from the usual.

"Dude, you've been staring at that kid for a full five minutes, go talk to him already, otherwise it's just creepy men." Said Ash one lunch break, startling Dean out of his musing about Cas.  
Dean, instead of making a snide comment turned away from one of the more lengthener stares he and Cas had shared across the lunch quad and returned half-heartedly to the conversation amongst his own friends, making only a mild threat to Ash that he would chop off his mullet if he so much as breathed any extra doucheness into the air with any of this comments.  
When Ash went to retort, Dean punched him in the arm. Hard.  
He couldn't help but feel for the rest of the lunch period that Cas was still watching him though.

Dean really hated Thursdays. He couldn't exactly place his finger on his reasoning- maybe because they were just a teaser for Friday who played hard to get all throughout the school week. But more than hating Thursday's Dean also hated rain.  
So on the day almost exactly four weeks after the Novak family had moved in next door, it rained on a Thursday- though Dean wasn't as pissed as he would've been if he wasn't already behind the wheel of his baby heading home alone as Sammy was staying at 'just a friends' (Jess's) house for the afternoon to 'study' (possibly hold hands and giggle and just generally be all _coupley_).

The rain was pouring bucketfuls outside and Dean was just grateful that he was warm and relatively dry within his baby. Others however were not so lucky.  
It was this Thursday- with Dean silently fuming behind the wheel of his beloved Impala as it rained cats and dogs outside- that Dean decided to give in to his younger brothers morally right, echoing taunts and drive Castiel Novak home.

***  
He first spotted Castiel in the downpour, slugging his freakishly full back pack over one shoulder as he trundled up the pavement, completely soaked right to the bone, even when wearing his trench coat.  
Dean didn't know exactly why he did it (he suspected at the time somehow Sam's jibes and taunts at him over the last few weeks regarding the youngest Novak walking home alone were niggling around in his head.) But Dean slowed the car down to a snail like crawl adjacent to the foot path and felt himself gesturing for Cas to get in the car.

Castiel however didn't seem to understand him. And at first seemed afraid to be approached by the unfamiliar car. His dark hair in the rain looked almost black as it was plastered to his soaking face, his eyes were wide and questioning peering into the car that as though he expected it to run him over.  
Dean still driving, kept his one hand on the wheel as he reached over and opened the front passenger side door. The rain and cold seeped into the car instantly causing Dean to swear under his breath, as it attacked him even from within the car in a bitter onslaught of iciness.

"Come on Cas, I'll give you a lift home, It's pouring out there!" he called out over the hum of the Impala's engine and the whipping of the wind outside.  
Castiel just tilted his head quizzically, almost like a bird, before he shook his head signalling a no, and continued down along the foot path, leaving Dean with his body hanging over the seat, one hand on the steering wheel and the door of his beloved Baby wide open to the elements.  
Dean swore vehemently. The Impala purred beneath him as he trailed beside Cas yet again, insistent to give the infuriately stubborn and soaked boy a lift.

"_Castiel, something, Novak", _Dean all but yelled at the other teen,"you get in this car you _son'of'a'bitch_- or so help me I'll-"

The sound of the Impala door slamming closed and the shivering drenched boy suddenly sitting in the passenger seat beside Dean was enough to get Dean to swallow the rest of his words and jump right back into his own seat.

"There is no need for blaspheming Dean." Said Cas his teeth chattering yet his voice remained deep. Dean was at first confused by the sincerity of Cas' words before he remembered that Cas' family was religious.  
"Ah, sorry man, I was just-" Dean stopped for a moment, all of a sudden wondering how the hell he could have possibly thought this was a good idea. "You looked like you could use a lift that's all," he finished lamely. He noted Cas shivering beside him. To help out Dean reached over and turned the Impala's heating on, mumbling something about how it would take a few minutes for the warmth to start kicking in before he pulled away from the curb and returned to the drive home.

"Thankyou." Cas said after a moment or so. He was supporting his massive bag atop of his lap and squirmed uncomfortably beneath it from time to time. "I did not expect this kindness from you."  
Dean tried not to frown at that, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel to an unheard beat. "You've got to give me a little credit dude. Isn't there something in your bible, like a commandment saying to help thy neighbour or some shit?"  
Dean noticed briefly how Cas' frown deepened at the word '_shit'. Right cursing_. Dean thought wondering if he should apologise-  
"Love thy neighbour." Cas corrected after a moment, his expression completely and utterly deadpan as he stared out the window. _"__Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. For there is none other commandment greater than these.__"_

It took all of two seconds for Dean to turn his head round to watch Cas who firstly was looking out the window, only to turn and face and _stare _at Dean when he realised Dean was watching him.

"Ha, only if you play you're cards right man." Dean joked stiffly turning away, feeling slightly ill at ease by the intensity of Cas' stare this close. He pulled into their shared street, feeling his fingers flex in an effort to ease the tension of his hands practically cracking into the steering wheel. He noticed that Cas only looked away, once Dean had pulled the Impala into their street.

Cas blinked once, and almost looked as if he was about to flee from the car into the onslaught of rain while the car was still moving.

"Hey?! Easy there Cas-" Dean chided, innately reaching out and clasping onto the nearest part of Cas he could which so happened to be the other teens thigh. "I was only joking."

Cas went ridged under Dean's touch. He literally froze, turning as hard and pliable as marble beneath Dean's touch but none the less warm despite his drenched clothes. The seatbelt which he had just unclasped knocked itself back into its holder with a clang that Dean wished could have shattered the sudden awkwardness in the car. He turned his head slowly, blue eyes catching Dean's own green ones in a wide and unblinking stare.  
Dean coughed to ease the tension; at least he hoped that it would. But the action just sounded more awkward and forced, only adding to the…

Dean realised with a sudden shock of embarrassment that his hand was still quite firmly clasped onto Cas', taught thigh. In a split second decision he patted the thigh awkwardly, hard and defiantly manly like he would pat Sammy's back or shoulder, or a teammate (if he had any) after a good game before withdrawing his hand completely, and remembering to keep his damn eyes on the road before he killed them both.

"-Just wait till I at least stop first." Dean finished, swallowing roughly, as though there was something lodged in his throat.  
Cas' brow tightened. His soaked hair, Dean noticed, looked almost black with the dampness of the rain, making Cas' flushed yet pale skin stand out more strikingly.  
"My apologies." Cas said formally which in the moment briefly amused Dean. Cas returned to sitting in his seat properly, before reaching around and buckling himself in once more. He stretched the seatbelt over his bag still rested partway on his lap and began looking out the window.

It was literally seconds later when Dean pulled up to the curve between their two houses- since the whole awkward thigh grabbing/ditching car scenario happened exactly centimetres from Cas' driveway, it only served to make the entire situation that much more uncomfortable. Dean could feel the _weirdness _of it pressing down on him like a sudden invisible force, and he was surprised by the fact that he'd never really felt this damn ill at ease around another human being before.

With this thought in mind Dean shut off the engine, the sudden absolute silence, save for the rain, only added to the growing thick tension in the car.  
"There see, _now _you can get out." Dean opted for humour, hoping to diffuse the situation. He arched his eyebrow jokingly at Cas, who turned to him his expression unreadable, but his eyes moved seeming to drink in the image of Dean and almost pierce right through him.  
Dean blamed the soaking cold weather outside and the lack of a heater now that the Impala was shut off for the sudden shiver that worked it's way up his spine.

"Thankyou Dean." Cas' gruff voice was far too deep to be coming out of his small body let alone his mouth. He was just a few centimetres shorter than Dean and drenched to the bone, looking even smaller and wet sitting in the Impala, but he didn't seem at all fazed, just calculating as he sat straight backed in the front seat.  
Dean wanted to say it was fine, that he was happy to help out, but before he could even think of these thoughts, Cas was out the door and into the rain with the fluttering sound of his damp trench coat. He ran through the rain clasping his overstuffed bag tightly to his body, his trench coat looking heavy and constricting as he entered his house, before the door closed behind him with a soft click.  
He didn't even give a backwards glance to Dean who watched him go with his mouth part open, already half words formed on his tongue.

Dean snapped his mouth shut with a snarky 'you're welcome' as he sat in the Impala between their two houses. He did this for only a few minutes, his radio for once silent as he just sat the engine still running. After a few minutes or so his stomach let out a low growling sound. Never one to refuse his stomach of anything Dean exited the car, unfolding himself from his baby as he made his way back to his own home, only to forage around in the kitchen for a snack before Mary came home with Sam and cooked them dinner.

Dean only realised after that sometime between Cas closing his door behind him and Dean entering his own home that the severe onslaught of rain- considered by Dean at least to be storm title worthy- had disappeared without a trace, leaving behind a freshly damp and dewy late Thursday afternoon in its wake.  
If Dean didn't absolutely loathe Thursday's he would have said that in the end the initial storm had passed and the day cleared up nicely.

"James." Said Cas the next day from under his breath. He had barley looked up from his sketch pad as he worked. Dean, sitting in his usual spot opposite Cas just stared at him blankly at first unsure if Cas was actually talking _to_ _him_.

"_What?"_ Dean asked his voice a low whisper. He looked up from his magazine that was tucked discretely under the table out of sight from the prying eyes of Mrs Hudson.  
_  
_"The other day you addressed me as '_Castiel something Novak'_." Cas explained slowly, as if Dean was somehow a moron for not realizing the connection between that and the name James. "And I was just informing you that my middle name is James, or Jimmy if you rather." He finished casually still not looking up from his work.  
Dean continued to stare at Cas for a moment, blinked once and then shrugged.  
"Sure, ah I'll remember that for next time." He replied, because really what was he meant to say to something like that.

_Next time?_Dean thought, only barley focused on his magazine, "You know if the weather ever gets like that again, and you need a lift I can drive you home if you want, it's not like it's out of my way or anything."

Cas did look up from his work then, he looked as he always seemed to not quite sullen but, thoughtful, cautious, which didn't surprise Dean as he was slowly becoming used to Cas' Planet Vulcan like tendencies. No, Dean was surprised by the change in Cas' expression after a moment. His eyes widened fractionally, and one corner of his mouth quirked up slightly, so slightly that for a moment Dean believed he had imagined the twitch all together. Grateful and awe was the only way Dean was able to describe the sudden lightness to Cas' blue eyes, the sudden surprise he saw there tugged something in Dean, something that at the time he probably should have taken greater thought to, but in the moment It just made him smile back, however briefly.

But of course Cas' awestruck expression was gone in a flash as he nodded his head in agreement and returned to his work. "Thankyou Dean." He said calmly and didn't say anything else for the rest of the session.

***  
_It didn't rain for the rest of the week. Dean wasn't sure why he felt strangely disappointed by that fact._

**AUTHORS NOTE**

_So theres chapter two, i have about to chapter eight written up, so pretty much i post new chapters when i get reviews ;) I hope you enjoyed it , let me know if you did :D_


	3. Cliched partners

_**AUTHORS NOTE  
**_  
_This chapter contains things pertaining to the sexual nature of Dean Winchester, you have been warned it will only progress and grow from here._

***

_It was in History a week later, when the two exchanged words again._

Dean was seated at his desk, doodling absently on the side of his text book. At the time he was thinking of the Impala, thinking of Lisa commenting on how it made him look sexy when she met him out the front of the school gates that morning. He was thinking of the Impala and Lisa together, as though the back seat of his baby was an ideal place to make out and perhaps if Lisa was willing Dean might just get to work some of his Winchester charm and take things a little further-  
It wasn't until the students around Dean start moving around the class room, talking amongst themselves that Dean thought that he'd missed something. Confused, Dean looked up from his desk, to the clock above the black board at the centre of the room. He became even more confused when he saw that they still had at least ten minutes of class time left, so why all of a sudden was everyone moving about?  
A shadow fell across Dean's text book causing him to look up to a familiar figure clad in a beige trench coat and simple white shirt and crooked blue tie.

"It would seem that you are my partner Dean." Dean blinked up at Cas vaguely still coming out of his particularly good daydream about Lisa and him in the back seat of the Impala.

"What'd you say Cas?" Dean asked, as Cas sat down on the desk in front of him. Facing Dean's way with one of his legs on either side of the backwards facing chair. The position was surprisingly casual for the guy who always seemed to straight laced, as if he was simultaneously balancing a book on his head while walking a tight rope.  
Dean smiled at the thought. "You wanna be my-"  
"-_Partner_ for the History assignment," Cas finished cutting Dean off. "I assumed you were listening while Mr Walters was explaining our assignment."  
"Why'd I want to listen to stuffy old Mr Walter's when theres so many other _better_ things I could be doing." _Like imagining Lisa Braden in the back of my baby_. Dean thought smirking to himself.

Cas didn't answer. Instead he said; "Dean it is imperative that you pay attention in class if you intend to pass successfully."  
"Yeah well maybe I don't wanna pass Cas." Dean sniped rather hotly. He had, had this talk a thousand times before, with teachers, with Sam, even his mom and dad- he didn't need to hear it from Cas as well. "Side's why'd you wanna be my study buddy anyway?"  
"It seems logical; the assignment would acquire working in close proximity, with continuous meetings, both criteria which can be easily met given our close living as neighbours. Also given the fact that neither you nor myself already have a partner."

Dean looked around the room; it did seem like the whole class had suddenly gone Noah's Ark and paired off in two's. Leaving just Dean and Cas left.  
"We are the only two people left Dean." Cas finished rather obviously.  
"Gee, thanks for that info _Captain Obvious_." Dean said sarcastically, before pausing, considering the option if only for a second. "I don't really have any other choice but to be your partner right?" he joked though the comment was somewhat true.  
"No not really." said Cas taking Dean's comment as approval. Despite his somewhat monotonous voice Dean couldn't help but see the small twitch to the corner of Cas' mouth- almost like a half formed smile, or perhaps a smirk take shape. Dean wasn't entirely sure what Cas would look like smirking. He guessed the guy would probably have dimples.

"We could begin this afternoon, if that's suitable for you?" said Cas.  
Dean was about to say that he was not really sure what this assignment thing involved, and he was about to mention that he was planning on trying to make plans with Lisa this afternoon but before he could answer the bell sounded shrilly echoing throughout the room, and effectively cutting him off. For a moment Dean glanced around the room, noticing the people around them discussing adamantly the requirements for the assignment, which Dean briefly could make out was about something to do with someone called Rasputin by the sounds of it?

As Dean turned back around to question Cas he noticed the other boy had already collected his books with a rustle of his trench coat and stood up to exit the room with the rest of the class. Leaving Dean sitting in his chair his books strewn around him and him having no idea about what actually it was had happened there.

***  
Dean didn't know why he didn't mention that his studying with Cas was the reason he couldn't go out with Lisa after school that same day. When she asked why he couldn't take her for a spin in the Impala, Dean on the spur of the moment just made up some lame excuse about baby sitting Sam for the night- when really Sam was staying over at a friend's (An actual friend Jordy or something's) house.

When Lisa twirled her long hair, puckered her lips and asked if she could come over later, when Dean's parents were gone and Sam was in bed all Dean could think was that her lips, painted a bright pink were more fuller that Cas' had been when he'd put makeup on, but no where near as red.  
Instead of stupidly mentioning this Dean just said "I can't Lisa." Despite how much he wanted just that.  
Needless to say soon after that conversation between them began to lag as Lisa made it pointedly known that she was a little more than disappointed.  
Dean was a little less dissatisfied then her but disappointed none the less.

***  
_Later that afternoon was the first of many times that Castiel Novak would follow Dean into his home._

The air around them was surprisingly casual, a change Dean was desperately thankful for, glad not to have a repeat of the tension he felt when he drove Cas home that Thursday afternoon.  
After the ride from school in the Impala within which the air had been filled to the sound of Dean's Classic Rock Cassette selection (He refuses adamantly to 'update' his cassette player to a Cds player and insert an iPod jack much to Sam's despair.) Dean was pleasantly surprised on the way over as when caught sight of Cas out of the corner of his eye, drumming his fingers to the tune of _Cherry Pie_ as the music wafted through the speakers. Dean didn't mention it but turned the volume up the slightest bit on the next song and was pleased to see Cas tapping along to that one as well. Who would've guessed that Dean's reclusive Trench Coat wearing neighbour was so receptive to Classic rock.

"Well, home sweet home." Dean announced as he opened the front door and strolled into the lounge, Cas close on his heels.  
"You have a lovely home Dean." Said Cas earnestly, well Dean assumed it was earnestly as neither Cas' tone nor expression never really change much, though his blue eyes did widen as he looked about the house. _He's just not really an emotional guy, least not since that night_, Dean thought trying to push his first few memories of Cas breaking down in his room to the back of his mind. Far, far to the back of his mind.

"You should save that shit till my mom comes home Cas, she'll just eat that up."  
Cas frowned, his chapped lips pursed tightly as he stood awkwardly in the Winchesters doorway.  
"You can just put your stuff anywhere in the kitchen." Dean instructed turning away from Cas. "I'll just be back in a sec."

Dean, leaving Cas standing in his lounge room, climbed up the stairs, dropping his bag by the foot of his bed as he entered his own room. In an effortless motion he lifted his shirt up and over his head before he threw it to a corner in the room. He had been feeling sweaty and uncomfortable for most of the day only realising lat afternoon that the shirt he had put on that morning could not in any sense of the word be considered clean.

When he turned back around, looking for a somewhat cleaner shirt among the once scattered and thrown across his floor, he caught sight of Cas standing in the doorway, his mouth partly open as if to say something.

Yet as Dean stood there in his room his chest bare the words seemed to have evaporated out of Cas' mouth and his clear, blue eyes widened significantly as they raked down the sight of Dean's exposed chest, down his abs, fixing pointedly on the trail of light coloured hair that started at Dean's navel and trailed down disappearing into his low hanging jeans before coming back up, glancing at each cooled and slightly hard nipple as he gulped audibly.

Cas -Dean realised with a brain jolting thwack- was checking him out something major.

Now Dean knew he had a good body, he'd worked hard for his well formed muscled figure since puberty and to say he didn't bask in the attention that girls gave him was a darn out lie. But Cas wasn't one of those girls, Cas wasn't even _a girl_- and something about the lack of clothing, standing in front of Cas was entirely different, completely new to the usual not-at-all-shy-badass-Dean-Winchester because for the first time _ever _in front of another living human being Dean felt naked. Exposed like a raw nerve, or a lone ant under the monster magnifying glass that was Cas' gaze.

And by god if a little part of him didn't jump at Cas' searchlight like focus had on his chest. A spark coursed through Dean's veins like a shock when he registered Cas becoming aware of his inappropriate staring also.

"My- I'm sorry Dean, I didn't realize-" Cas' cheeks were flushed a soft pink, which was a startling contrast against his usual pale olive skin, the change in Cas' speech and colouring made something in Dean's gut flip.

"Cas, dude, ever heard of personal space?" Dean's throat felt weirdly tight as he spoke trying to sound nonchalant even if it came off more tense then ever- it was not as if Cas had caught him with his pant's down or anything, it was just an absent shirt-  
-Great now Dean was trying to get _that_awkward imagery out of his head.

"Listen just, go back down stairs and get your stuff ready, I'll be down in a moment."  
Cas nodded quickly and repetitively, his eyes still locked onto Dean's chest, only now moved up to blink slowly, his neck, ears and cheeks were flushed. Suddenly he spun around on the balls of his feet and rather stiffly walked out the door making his quick exit back down to the lounge room.

Dean stood still for a moment, watching the space Cas had occupied not two seconds ago before he replaced his discarded shirt with a new one, feeling a little flush of warmth as he pulled it over his head, and settled it casually on his body. A part of him was intrigued and amused, having broken through Cas' mask of indifference and as Dean left his room to join Cas down stairs he admitted to himself, somewhat subconsciously that he didn't actually mind Cas looking at him… _like that_, it was flattering, innocent.

Dean made his way down stairs. Expecting to find Cas back in the lounge room but instead seeing him sitting at the kitchen table his books strew over the surface in an vaguely organised chaos. He didn't even look up as Dean entered the room, and only did so once Dean sat down in the obvious and only place left for him at the table, the opposite side furthest from Cas.  
Dean was about to mention something, perhaps a joke to shift the tension in the room but Cas cut him off, muttering something about 'communism' before supplying Dean with enough reading material about Rasputin and the early Russian government to last a lifetime or two.

Cas' usual mask of indifference had slipped back on somewhere between the checking out of Dean shirtless in his room and Dean coming back down the stairs.  
And if a couple times through the rest of the afternoon Dean contemplated doing something else just to get through to Cas and see that mask crack, it was Dean's business and no one else's.

***  
_The day's progressed to weeks and Cas came over almost every second day to work on their History project together. Dean surprisingly to everyone who knew him, had actually began to complete other assignments in his other classes as well... it seemed Castiel's drive for History and intensive study had rubbed off on Dean in a way, a way which he wasn't entirely aware of yet.  
_  
Often at times, Dean was able to convince Cas to take a break from the intensive work, to just sit around the house, watching a movie or TV. Dean was thankful however that Cas wasn't fairly particular with his movie selections (Unlike a certain younger brother who actually enjoyed movies with *Shudder* subtitles *shudder*) and seemed more than rapt to watch whatever it was that Dean wanted to watch; a trait which was at times was both slightly annoying and refreshing for Dean after having to spend years fighting with Sam over the issue, and being forced to watch romantic comedies and chick flicks with the girls Dean wanted to hook up with in the past.

Cas didn't talk much, at least not bout anything outside of school and especially not himself. Dean thought that it would be uncomfortable hanging out with someone so closed silent, but he soon found that, however unlikely that it was, he actually enjoyed just sitting or working quietly with Cas, watching a movie and talking about the story or the characters, or in Cas' way commenting on the cinematography or the collective effort it took a whole production team to do just one simple animation. Dean especially found it interesting when Cas would sink slightly lower into his seat, placing his hands on his knees as he leant forward, watching whatever was playing on the screen with a hawk like intensity that Dean could never manage himself. It was as if he picked apart everything, not just the movies or the shows, but as Dean spent more time around Cas, he came to realise Cas stared at most things with this almost alien like curiosity and intensity that more often then not Dean had to force himself to look at the screen instead of Cas' face.  
If Cas ever caught Dean watching him he never mentioned it.

An extra bonus about hanging out with Cas was that unlike the girls Dean had watched movies with before, Cas actually enjoyed eating and did not complain or whine about the fat content of a chocolate bar, or how the sugar would supposedly make him break out into pimples. And even better than that; he allowed Dean the majority of the home popped popcorn when it came out of the microwave. He even let Dean lick the icing sugar from the bowl.  
Jo and Ash when they watched movies, often had a hilarious running commentary, and although some of Dean's best memories with Jo and Ash consisted of late night kitchen raids during movie marathons, muting the screen and creating their own dialogue and basically just acting out while a movie was, Dean did however enjoy just watching a movie every once In a while and Cas was the type of… friend that Dean could do that with. Dean could just be.

Lisa- Dean found out in the passing weeks- was decidedly harder to please than Cas; she did not like the majority of movies that Dean liked. She did not show any interest in Dean's music and when they were not making out or watching a movie the mood could quickly shift into tense silences. Dean over the passing weeks began to feel as if Lisa was expecting something of him, something that he couldn't give, and it frustrated the hell out of him. And possibly worst of all Lisa was on a 'health kick diet' and insisted that when Dean was with her, he must conform to these ways as a show of support.

Dean at first thought over his very dead and very mangled body. And yet eating some lean cut chicken salad one Wednesday afternoon lead to the longest make out session he and Lisa had shared since they started hanging out together after school. When Dean ate a protein bar instead of the doughnut he desperately craved when Lisa took him (dragged him) to the mall Dean got to second base.  
After that Dean thought maybe he could get used to the rabbit food, and just pig out on junk food when Cas was over.

A few days later, Dean and Lisa had their first fight.  
Dean believed the whole thing was stupid and wrong because the last he heard this wasn't a _relationship_, he and Lisa weren't a couple. Dean Winchester didn't _do_ relationships.  
When he told Lisa this, she practically screamed at him.  
"So what you thought all the watching movies together and driving me home and going out and spending time together was-what? _Us, not dating_?"  
Dean knew the slap was coming before he even answered. "Just part of the hook up?"  
It hurt, quite a bit from a girl so slight, and for a few bizarre seconds Dean was actually impressed. Of course that sizzled away quickly when the real screaming Dean had been right, Lisa did expect something from him that he couldn't give.  
Because Dean-Winchester-ultimate-awesome-badass -Ladies-man-extrodinar didn't do relationships, at least not the ones that lasted after the initial hook up or two.

_Sometimes Dean entertained the idea that his easy comradely with socially inept Castiel Novak after school most days was easier and in some cases somewhat more relaxed then his time spent with Lisa. Especially after last weeks epic blow-out.  
But of course he doesn't tell anyone this, yet his rendezvous with Lisa lessened in frequency, and his meet up's with Cas after school to study grew in length and 'break time'.  
_

***  
"Anna has gone shopping." Cas said one afternoon out of the blue. "She is buying a new dress for an upcoming party."  
Dean shifted his focus from his assignment, keeping a tab on the sentence he was reading with the tip of his finger. "And you don't want to go shopping?" _shopping for make up or dresses Cas? Do you wear your sister's clothes when no one is looking? Do you wear her dresses?_

Castiel tapped the end of his pen against his knee, pursing his lips (an action Dean understood meant he was thinking, hard) for a few moments.  
"No." He answered finally, returning back to his notebook. But Dean could see from his position on the couch that Cas wasn't writing anything down- yet his pen was moving absently over the page, as if he was doodling out an invisible picture.  
Dean had come to learn that Cas did that when he was thinking hard about something other than school. But Dean was never game enough to ask what, though he always had his own suspicions.

"Besides I'm not going to the party." He informed Dean. Dean knew it was to be expected, but he still felt a little disappointed when Cas said it out loud.  
"But Meg's party is the event of the year man, the first party of this new term. Do you know how big something like that is? Think of all the girls-"  
When Cas repeated no, and that he didn't 'particularly care for that sort of thing'Dean felt himself sigh. He returned back to his work and Cas to his and the two didn't speak until Dean asked Cas who he thought would win out of a fight between Iron Man and Captain America.

Ten minutes later the two were parked on the couch with a bowl of crisps between them as the opening began for the movie _Avengers._ After the movie was over, they did the usual song and dance, organising a night after school in which they are both free (Cas is always free) and Cas leaves, saying a quick bye to Sam who came down from his room right when the Hulk started wailing on Loki.

Later that night, lying in bed Dean couldn't help wondering about what Cas said. Did he 'not particularly care' about the party in general- or was he was talking about the possibility of hooking up with the girls Dean had mentioned.

__

Dean didn't personally know Meg, but by hell he knew the girl could throw one hell of a party with her parents away...

The swimming pool out back was by far was the most popular place at the moment, littered with drunken teens, some in bathers and clothes, and others wearing a lot less. There was a seemingly endless supply of booze which Dean was very thankful for as he was leant up on the wall beside Jo, gulping his Beer in harsh takes as Jo next to him kept an eye on Ash who was mixed up in the crowd and may or may not have been grinding back against his second cousin a few minutes ago in his drunken haze, a event which entertained Dean and Jo to no end. And was enough mocking material to last the rest of their school career if they allowed it.  
Something told Dean Ash would be less then pleased to hear this story once he was sober.

Jo, next to Dean reached over and plucked Dean's beer from his hand and took a large swig. "So is Lisa coming tonight, or are you free?" She asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.  
"Aww Jo, if you wanted to kiss me tonight all you had to do was ask." Dean smirked feeling the alcohol course through his veins, singing in his ears like music. He'd lost track of how much he'd had to drink about an hour back, four maybe five beers. Regardless he was feeling great, and perhaps a little horny.

"God no Dean you're such a douche!" Jo punched him, hard. Dean just laughed though rubbing his arm as Jo continued. "No it's just that Red-head has been looking your way for the last five minutes, I was thinking maybe you'd be interested." Jo pointed in the direction of indeed a fairly hot red-headed girl wearing a thigh high black strapless dress that was striking against her creamy pale skin and vibrant red hair- not that Dean took those things into account in his drunken haze.

"She's pretty hot." Dean concluded slapping Jo on the back lightly before he began to make his way over to the red head. "You're a much better Wing-man then Ash is Jo."  
"And don't you forget it Tiger!" Jo laughed, holding up Dean's/now her beer in a mock toast before downing the contents and mixing into the crowd, obviously having found someone to hook up with. Dean just laughed milled through the crowd to reach the redheaded girl who was talking unwaveringly to some guy he remembered from his maths class a few years back, a complete nerd.

_Probably would get along well with Sammy_, drunken Dean thought, before tapping the guy on the shoulder and pushing him, slightly and as gently as he could muster in his given state away.

"Hey mind if I cut in here?" He said, not asking as he gave the guy his best, 'back off dude and let the real man have a go' look. The guy unsurprisingly took one look at Dean and practically fled, breaking into the crowd without a backwards glance at either the Red head girl or Dean.  
Dean smirked, turning to face the girl and expecting to see a flirty smile of thanks for getting rid of the dweeb, but instead he was met by an almost familiar looking deep scowl.

"No need to thank me, just doing my gentlemanly duty." Dean said still undeterred.  
"Perhaps you could educate me on what on earth makes you think I would thank _you_ for intimidating my friend and barging in here interrupting my conversation?" The red Head said familiar blue eyes flashing dangerously.  
To say that Drunken Dean was a little taken aback by the red head's harshness, and her familiarity would be a vast understatement.  
"Hey… look I wasn't the one who kept stealing glances at me from across the room."

"No, and I _was_ the one trying to figure out if this _Dean Winchester_ could possibly be the _Dean Winchester_ that Lives on 34 Walker street, the _Dean Winchester_ that my brother talks incessantly about and holds at such high regard-" The red head looked him over, once then twice as it took a few seconds for her words to sink in to Dean's alcohol filled brain. "I sincerely hope that Castiel is talking about another, different _Dean Winchester_ because so far you have been a disappointment."

"You're- you're Cas' sis?" Dean asked blankly, to which the red head stared back at him just as blankly. "You're Anna?"  
"Got it in one hotshot" Anna said, but her words were dripping with disapproval so much so that it even oozed into Dean's understanding breaking through the wall of alcohol he had wrapped around himself.  
"Cas talks about me?" Dean asked quietly more so to himself, before adding, his words slightly slurred, "Did he help you pick out that dress, he has a way with girly things like that."

Something in Anna snapped behind her eyes and her face became instantly blank and stormy; eyes alight with something Dean was far too drunk to analyse in the moment. Her voice was a harsh whisper barley audible over the music and party goers as she spoke "If you hurt my brother Winchester, in any way I swear I'll-"

"Whoa! Wait!" Dean said holding up his hands, "Hurt Cas? Why'd I- I'd never do that he's, he's awesome Anna, little weird but, Cas' just-" Dean didn't know how to do it, how to convey to Anna exactly what he meant in that moment. He wanted her to see how awesome Cas was, how much he enjoyed watching movies and riding in the impala- hell even discussing freaking Russian politics with him. He wanted Anna to know how it meant a lot to him that Cas got along with Sam, how he actually was content to sit and listen to his brother and Cas talk about books and theories and people Dean himself had never heard of. Or how he didn't mind that Cas liked wearing makeup, hell he wouldn't mind if Cas started wearing dresses, cos he'd probably rock in them anyway like when he does the makeup. Dean just wanted to tell Anna how awesome he thought Cas was and- something… _else_something he wanted to say that felt warm or maybe it was just the alcohol in his gut- but he wanted to tell Anna all this, yet didn't know the words.

Besides Dean figured they'd just come out slurred anyway. So he went for the next best thing, yet still it seemed inadequate.

"Cas' _puurfect,_ Anna- so _awesume_." He said truthfully and with as much conviction he could muster.  
Anna's expression softened slightly at Dean's words. It may have just been the light that did it, but her eyes seemed to mirror Cas' in a way and if Dean thought she was hot before…

"Oh." She breathed out softly, so softly it almost wasn't heard by Dean. "I understand." She said.  
"Understand what?" Dean asked but was only met with a knowing look. The type of knowing look he often received from the wemon in his life, Jo, his mother Mary, maybe that had a secret club formed called _Significant-Yet-unreadable-looks-101_ or rather _The-simplest-way-to-piss-Dean-Winchester-off class._

"I suggest you go home Dean, sober up and get some sleep." Anna said now, patting him on the arm, her hands were smaller, more delicate than Cas' Dean noted inattentively. Her nails were dolled up with glitter and paint too, which Dean thought maybe Cas would be interested in if he didn't already chew his nails down to nervous stubs.

Anna's hand rested for a second on his shoulder before she stepped away. "And don't do anything you'd regret. If you're half the guy Cas raves you to be then you'll do the right thing."

She left him with a sway of her hips before she melded back into the crowd and left Dean standing alone. If he had been sober he would have pondered on Anna's words, asked what exactly it was that she thought she understood, or asked about what she meant in doing the right thing, but instead Dean tilted slightly surveying the room for a few seconds before he met the eye of a pretty dark headed seemingly blue eyed girl from across the room.

With the alcohol buzzing in his body and Anna's words forgotten by now Dean dropped his eyelid to her in one slow wink and began making his way across the crowd towards her.

***  
_The girls name was Rachel. But of course Dean didn't remember that until after._

When Dean came to consciousness what could have possibly been hours but more likely only a single hour later, in one of the beds upstairs in Meg's house he was acutely aware of two things.

The first thing was that he had had sex, and it was good sex, satisfying sex presumably for the both of them, who ever the other participant would be.  
The second thing Dean became aware of was that Rachel (apparently the girl he had just slept with) was talking to him as she sat on the edge of the bed pulling her tight black shirt back over her head. The first thing she said, aside from reminding Dean of her name casually was that she was going to need her underwear back.  
Dean stared at her blankly.

"What?" He asked, head still reeling from the afterglow of his orgasm and the alcohol still coursing through his bloodstream which made everything fuzzy and numb around the edges.

"My underwear." Rachel repeated slowly, she was obviously not very drunk. She indicated to Dean under the blankets and all but threw them off Dean when he didn't react fast enough. At first Dean was shocked, then cold then shocked again as he realized he was perhaps not as naked as he first thought.  
Adorning his hips, covering his lower half was a pair of silky, lacy, pink panties.

Dean felt his own cock reawaken and twitch in response as he stared down at himself wearing this girls- Rachel's panties. So soon after his orgasm the twitch and eventual pool of blood back into his hardening dick was a little too much to bear, and Dean winced as Rachel giggled slightly.

"Hey everyone's got their kinks right?" She said, holding her hand out expectantly.

Dean had never felt naked during or after sex, not even the his first time did he feel exposed or vulnerable in anyway. But now as he kicked his legs over the opposite side of the bed, pulling the sheet up and around his body in one hand covering himself completely as he slipped the panties down his legs onto the floor before bending to pick them up and tossing them to Rachel, whose blue eyes shine brightly in the light as she waited patiently- Dean felt exposed, and slightly, _growingly_ turned on.

Rachel just smiled, slipping the panties which fit her much better than Dean, back over her plump hips before pulling her jeans back on over the top. She smirked at Dean still covered by the blanket and hopped on top of the bed, leaning over to him before her lips pressed against his cheek in a quick kiss that made Dean feel even more naked, if that was actually possible.

"You're secrets safe with me Handsome." She said lowly, nipping at Dean's ear lobe (And one of his more preferred erogenous zones) before drawing back, winking as she left the room, fixing her hair as she passed the mirror and blew Dean a quick kiss.

Dean stood in the strangers room, for a long time, perhaps too long as he waited for his dick to once again soften. He wasn't going to touch it, not after _that_- not after what it hardened for. And maybe it was a little sad and petty but somehow this was a form of punishment, punishment for feeling this way, for feeling like a ditched tramp, and for a second Dean wondered if this was how all the girls Dean ever slept with and left felt. If this was how Lisa felt.

Perhaps even more guiltily then that Dean found himself thinking of Cas as he finally moved to pick up his clothes, his shirt and his jeans and his boxers scattered and discarded all over the room. Did Cas get off on wearing the pearl necklace and the makeup? Something told Dean no, it wasn't like that for Cas, getting off was not what, what he did, was about.  
Wearing the make up and the girly stuff seemed to make Cas happy, comfortable and confident not aroused, not like it did to Dean.

And if Dean's dick twitched slightly as he pulled his boxers up, missing the soft slide of lace against his inner thigh, the caress of silk against his dick and arse- he dismissed it instantly. Putting his clothes back on and leaving the already still fully going party downstairs, vaguely catching Jo and Ash, his two best friends making out drunkenly in the corner of the room up against a bookcase.

And if Dean thought later that night, sneaking back into his house and sliding into bed that he kinda understood, however minimally, where Cas was coming from now, he dismissed that thought too, opting instead for the sweet oblivion that arrived once his throbbing head hit the pillow and his eyes closed.

_**Authors note**_  
_I can't post anything more for a while, but some Review would motivate me to update to before I leave?_  
_Should I change the rating?_


	4. Meet the parents (mom)

_**AUTHORS NOTE:**_  
_OMG thankyou so much for all the reviews and opinions, honestly I had no idea when I began how this story was going to be taken, what with the whole cross-dressing aspect of Cas and several other themes I intend to address later on, but THANKYOU EVERYONE, Reviews are like air, or some other necessity that I require in order to LIVE!_

_I'd especially like to thank everyone who reviewed!_  
_**Partyalpaca** (Cool name! Thankyou for the continuous reviews, really warms the cockles of my heart, and I will adjust the rating once I reach that bridge in my story)_  
_**Eltoreador **(I couldn't agree more! Reviews are addicting, once you get one you want em all ;) )_  
_And **Manifestation of a storyteller!**_

_This chapter is for you guys!_

***  
"Everyone! Come and see Castiel's work, it's truly thought invoking."

In art the next day Dean looked up from his own work to lean across the table to peer at Cas' sketch book. The class at the teachers command, begrudgingly shuffled closer as well. If it wasn't for the fact that Dean a few days previous had seen Cas shading in the fold on the woman's blouse he would have thought Cas' picture was actually a black and white photograph.

Cas had drawn a portrait of an older woman, about Dean's own mothers age, with simple grey lead pencil. Around her neck was string of gleaming pearls- which Dean recognized briefly, and in her hand was clasped a thin long cigarette with wisps of smoke coming off the burning tip. It was incredibly life like in all honesty and probably would have been startling if it wasn't for the woman's face, or more accurately lack of one.  
Where her face and expression should have been was a dark, purposeful smudge of black, red orange and yellow, almost looking like a burst of flames amongst the blackness. Dean uncharacteristically chewed on his bottom lip as he looked up to Cas' flushed face as the class peered and judged his art work. Instantly Dean felt sorry for the guy, knowing that Cas didn't so much enjoy showing off his artwork let alone being the sudden centre of attention of the entire class.

Dean tried to send Cas a comforting smile and a thumbs up as Cas peaked up to his instead of looking down at his desk. At Dean's silent praise, Cas smiled shyly back in return.

"See the colours of the light on her form, and the folds of her blouse, truly Castiel you have a talent for portraiture, did you use a reference?" The teacher asked loudly drawing the attention of the class.  
Cas in reply just seemed to sink lower into his seat, his trench coat looking suddenly massive over his shoulders. "No," He answered not looking up from his lap. "I just… I drew what was in my head."

The small whisper of 'Fag' from the other side of the group of teens surrounding Cas' work was easily heard by Dean, and perhaps even more easily heard by Castiel who ducked his head lower, as his cheeks and ears flushed an angry red. If Dean could have leant over he would have seen Cas' fist clenched tightly into the thighs of his pants, his knuckles white with embarrassment and anger.

Dean was doing much of the same thing, casting an accusing scowl into the group of teens to try and find the culprit. Two boys were at the back of the group obviously uninterested in Cas' work, let alone this entire class. One was a short blonde boy that Dean didn't recognize; the other was Gordon Walker, a dark haired, dark eyed teen with whom Dean had already had a run in with before, when he pestered Sammy back in middle school. Turned out Gordon was a real wimp when confronted with someone his own size and age, and now he was smirking and laughing with his blonde buddy, but all Dean saw was red.

Both Cas sudden body change and the word 'Fag' went unnoticed by the teacher as she brightly, congratulated Cas again, before gesturing for everyone to return to work as she continued her rounds of the room.

Gordon and his buddy returned to their seats snickering and casting menacing looks at Cas, Dean felt his fists tighten. He was barley paying attention as Mrs. Hudson arrived at his desk, flicked through his empty book with a scowl and suggested that he and her have a little talk with his parents sometime after school.  
Dean barely heard her, he just nodded, keeping his head lowered and his eyes on Cas who hadn't so much as looked up since the kids comment.  
He hadn't picked up his pencil either, sitting still almost like a statue, at least until the bell sounded through the room. Quicker then Dean thought possible Cas had packed up his stuff, and with a ruffling sound of his trench coat had disappeared from the room, leaving Dean wishing he said something to him, or called the kid out on hurting Cas.

And if later that day Dean accidently happened to run into Gordon in the hall and slam his shoulder into him so hard as he passed that he fell flat on his ass it was for a completely unrelated and accidental reason and not at all to do with defending Cas' honour or some shit.

***  
_After an afternoon spent on the Russian revolution and the social and economic consequences Dean is left seated on the couch quietly, absently flicking through the channels on the TV before Sam jumped down next to him smiling happily to himself causing Dean to ask the question_;

"So I take it Jess finally said yes?"  
Dean figured if it was possible for his younger brothers smile to break his jaw it would have done so then. Despite Jess and Sam hanging out almost everyday after school, Sam had yet to pop the question and ask the girl out, to be his girlfriend. Dean wondered how a kid as smart and usually confident as Sammy managed to lose his edge when talking to a pretty girl, or in his case, asking Jess to be his girlfriend, _officially._  
_Whatever that meant,_ thought Dean.

"We have a date this Friday; we're watching the eight o'clock showing of Breaking Dawn or something." Sam answered grinning ear to ear.  
Dean pretended to barf as he was told this. Sam just punched him in the shoulder and persisted, "Jess wants to see it so I'm taking her- oh shut up Dean it'll make her happy so I'm doing it."  
Dean tried to quell his laughter into something resembling pity.

"Hey it's not my fault your whipped Sammy." Dean said making a whip cracking motion with his hand as he mimicked the noise. Despite himself Sam laughed, before returning to his brotherly annoyance.

"Yeah well it's not as if you're going out with anyone. What's it been Dean like a week and a half, two weeks, since your last hook up? People might start thinking you've lost your edge."

"Maybe I've matured." Dean grunted. It was true though, he hadn't hooked up with anyone since Rachel at Meg's party. He didn't remember much of that night, everything before waking up in bed with Rachel was a massive blur, but avoiding casual hook-ups hadn't been an entirely conscious decision on his part. Dean accounted it to that fact that he'd been spending pretty much all this spare time divided between hanging out with Jo and Ash (who seemed to be acting strange around each other much to Dean's confusion), as well as Cas to get the last of the assignment done. But like Sam would believe him If he said he was focusing more on school now, which he was thanks to Cas, who not only has been coming over for the assignment, but has been giving Dean a few tips on his Maths and English homework in their break time.

"You have been hanging out a lot with Cas lately." Sam mused, and there was something laced in his tone that made Dean's walls shoot right up.  
"Yeah, so?" Dean questioned defensibly.  
"Well it's just Cas' not usually your type-" Sam began to which Dean blanched considerably, "-for a friend choice. He's a little- odd, but not in a bad way, just odd." Sam quickly amended probably noting the way Dean's expression darkened dangerously.

"Cas, is just…." Dean paused, suddenly unable to even find a suitable word to describe Cas. It was true, Dean thought, that Cas could be seen as odd, or weird- but he was also kind, and talented, smart and strangely funny in his own deadpan way. But no words Dean could think of felt as if they did him justice, and so Dean was left momentarily silent. "-is just, Cas okay?" He huffed dejectedly. "And theres nothing wrong with that."

Sam's expression was as unreadable to Dean as Dean's was to him. "I never said there was Dean." He said quietly, the casual brotherly banter and easiness was replaced by a thick blanket of strain and they spend the rest of the night adamantly avoiding conversation.

__

It was obvious from the moment Mary Winchester met Castiel Novak that she liked him.

Dean and Cas were working, or, more accurately Cas was working while Dean was reading aloud with a highlighter in his mouth, making him laugh and smile as Cas shot him a serious but wry grin in return. Cas was staying later than usual as, the session before little to no work had been done especially when Dean swore to make it so that Cas watched every episode of Dr. Sexy Dean owned (which much to Deans distress was only the first season.). In staying later, Cas was at the Winchester household long after school finished and still remained when Mary Winchester came through the door carrying groceries after a hard day of work.

"Dean I was thinking Sheppard's Pie for dinner, do you think you could- oh." She said simply her arm full of groceries as she caught sight of Dean, sprawled out over the couch a text book raised high above his head and a highlighter in his mouth as he read.  
Dean apon seeing his mother, and perhaps more so hearing the world pie, spat out the highlighter, placed his book aside as he sat up, looking at Mary over the back of the couch.

"Did you say pie mum?" He asked hopefully.  
"I believe she said Sheppard's pie." Cas interjected, as he rose from his position on the floor beside the couch, turning to face Mary Winchester also. "Hello Mrs Winchester." He said respectfully, staring at her with the same intensity he seemed to greet everything else.

Dean watched as his mother regarded Cas with her usual kind gaze, her nose crinkling as she smiled and stepped forward.  
"Hello and you must be?"  
"Cas, mum, mum Cas." Dean introduced poorly returning back to his spot on the couch.  
"Please," Mary said, "Call me Mary."  
Cas' expression softened as he looked down at his own hands. "My mothers name was also Mary."  
He said quietly. But to Dean it sounded like a gunshot.

He looked up to his friend with wide eyes, Cas in all the weeks they had been hanging out had never talked about either his mum or the rest of his family- at least not to Dean. Mary however just smiled warmly, like Sammy she was much better at dealing with people then Dean.

"It is a lovely name." She said softly, to which Cas smiled slightly, "Will you be staying for dinner Cas? John is working late tonight so theres plenty for someone to take his place, unless you're opposed to Sheppard's Pie then I do not believe your friendship with my son will work out." She joked.

Cas just looked confused for a moment, before grinning- actually grinning, Dean noted abashedly- as he abandoned Dean and stood at Mary's side.  
"If it's not too much trouble-"  
"Of course not." Mary waved her hand absently. "Anyone who can actually get Dean here to focus on schoolwork for even one afternoon deserves a hundred home cooked dinners from me."  
Cas' smile, Dean watched, only widened as he reached for Mary's grocery bag. "Then allow me to help you, it's the least I could do."

Mary handed him the bag, before gesturing him to the kitchen, "You can help me start on the filling, do you know how to make mashed potatoes?"

"Of course." Cas said as he followed Mary into the kitchen, leaving Dean alone and forgotten in the lounge room surrounded by their study texts and their only half written essay on the Russian Revolution. He really tried not to feel the stinging slap of jealous that hit him when he heard his mothers sing song laugh mixed with the low thrum of Cas' gravely words come from the kitchen.

"I like your new friend Dean." Mary said that night standing by the kitchen sink. Her blonde hair was tucked up into a misshaped bun, her work shirt rolled up to her elbows as she washed. Dean stood beside his mother, noticing now how he was taller than her, if only by a few inches.

Cas had insisted he stay to help with the rest of the clean up, Sammy who had been dropped off by Jess' mum some way through dinner piped up that Cas was a guest, and he must be crazy if he thought the Winchesters were to allow a guest to do the chores.

Mary had agreed with the sentiment. Cas had left shortly after, thanking both Mary and Dean multiple times for allowing him to stay for the 'lovely dinner' praise and thanks which Mary basked in while Dean just grunted a small 'it's cool man.'

"He's a bit quieter than Ash and Jo though." Mary added, as Dean began to dry the washed dishes.  
"More like not as crazy as those two." Dean joked, as Mary chuckled in agreement. "Cas is different though." He added. Mary again signalled her agreement.

"His family has been through a lot. Their father, Joshua is somewhat of a recluse."  
"What like a hermit?" Dean questioned but Mary just continued.  
"He barely leaves his house or so I'm told, since moving here I've only seen him out in the community twice or so. And I've seen him a couple times tending to his garden in the backyard. It must be hard being a single parent and having so many children to care for, all difficult teenagers like you none the less."  
"Do you know what happened to Cas' mum?" Dean asked.  
"I don't know." Mary answered truthfully, "though I suspect you will find out some time, when Cas is ready to talk about it."

"Cas doesn't talk much about anything really." Dean commented, placing a dry cup into the top draw of the cupboard.  
"No, he does not seem the talking type much- complete opposite to you though."

"Cas says something only if he thinks it needs saying." Dean continued, pointedly ignoring his mothers jibe. "Like, he only says stuff when he thinks it's important, or is asked a direct question. He doesn't crap on-" Dean caught sight of his mothers warning glance and quickly corrected himself. "I mean he doesn't just talk for the sake of talking you know?"

"Genuine people like that are hard to come by Dean, you should hold onto friends like that."

Dean could only nod, as they fell into a comfortable silence as the last of the dishes were washed and packed away.

"He seems to have helped you in school though." Mary mused as the murky dishwater ran down the plug with a squelch. "Speaking of school-" She began, leaning against the sink with a raised eyebrow crossing her arms over her chest. "I got a call from your art teacher, Mrs. Hudson today."  
Dean groaned internally and prepared himself for whatever punishment his sometimes cool but also strict mum sought to doll out.

***  
_Dean hadn't met up with Lisa in almost three weeks despite the both of them being free to do so.  
He hadn't call her, and she in return hadn't call him. Dean told Jo- when she asked- that it was just not working out but the truth was, he was just not interested in the head cheerleader anymore.  
_

"Dude, you gotta marry that girl." Dean found himself saying to Sam one day. As he fished in his wallet for money to give to Sam who was waiting impatiently outside the front seat of the Impala out-front of the old movie, and partly renovated theatre.

That afternoon Dean had found himself conned into Taxi service by his younger and now increasingly annoying brother. A service, like any other the oldest Winchester had owed Sam since the 'Great Party incident of 03'. Dean never suspected then that he would have to pay up, but by Sam's calculating Dean now owed him fifteen free of charge taxi services, as well as several Halloweens worth of candy.

Dean lamented that it was unfair, considering that at the time he was too drunk to even remember the 'Great Party Incident of 03'.  
Sam had then, stated that that was actually half reason for the incident in the first place.

Dean had the afternoon free as Cas had had some sort of 'extra credit thingo' on after school so it was just Sam and Dean in the car.  
At least it had been before Dean had walked up to his usual space in the parking lot to see his younger brothers awkwardly lanky body leaning against the side of his baby as he adamantly talked to a small, petite looking blonde girl who Dean quickly and correctly identified as Jess.

Dean remembered saddling up beside his brother pulling him quickly into a head lock, much to the disgruntled complaints from Sam as the blonde girl Jess, giggled and flushed darkly, from either embarrassment or amusement Dean couldn't tell.

It wasn't until Dean had Sam's hair fully noggied, and moused into a birds nest that he let go, throwing a wink to Jess and Sam swore and swung out at Dean, punching him hard, but without malice the shoulder.

"So you must be Dean." Jess had said, as she cast Sam a half amused half pitying look. "Sam has told me a lot about you."  
"Aww im touched Sammy, using me to hook in with the ladies im flattered." Dean had joked, before adding. "After all I am a renowned Sex god!"

Sam still trying to fix his hair and the last remnants of his pride almost choked as he spluttered and threw Dean the most accusing bitch face of all time. Jess however, had seemed completely at ease with the scene and only laughed, moving the slightest step closer to Sam to rest a hand on his forearm as he spluttered up the remainder of his pride.

"No he didn't mention that, maybe after all this time, I've been hanging out with the wrong brother. Wouldn't you say Sam?"

Dean smiled fondly as he remembered Sam in that moment looking both insanely mortified and transfixed by the small fair-haired girl in front of him. It took all of Dean's control at the time not to roll his eyes as Sam blushed and for once, was rendered completely speechless.

"Hmm, I think I could get used to you." Dean had replied smiling down at the shorter girl, before he clapped his now socially stunted brother on the back. "You sure do know how to pick em Sam."  
In reply Sam gurgled what could have been the work 'jerk' or something more, but Dean didn't dwell on it too hard.

"This is a great Car by the way." Jess had said, running her hand along the fine black exterior of Dean's baby. "A Chevy Impala right?"  
"Spot on." Dean had said, mentally adding a few ticks into the 'Jess is cool' Colum he had running in his head. "My baby girls a 67 Chev, runs like a dream and purrs like a kitten." Dean said as he did too run his hand along his babies metallic black coat, till he was standing in front of the drivers side door, smiling over the top of Baby at the two other Teens.

"But I'm guessing your not just buttering me up for a making a good first impression there Jess, what is it that you need?"  
Dean liked the girl even more when she had the decency to blush at having been caught out.  
"Well, Dean see that's the thing-" Jess began till Sam, suddenly looking taller beside her found his voice.  
"You see, Jess and I were kind of hoping that if you weren't too busy or anything that you could drop us off at the movie's in about a half hour, and come pick us up later once the movies done, you know as a favour to me. One of the many favours that you do owe me _Dean._"

In the present Sam's voice dragged Dean back to the present and reminded him that he was generously forking out his hard earned (Pocket, till he got a real job) money to fund for Sammy's first real date.

"Don't be a jerk Dean I'm only thirteen!" Sam exclaimed, his cheeks reddening.  
"Age doesn't matter Sammy, besides it's not as if she'll say no."  
"Grow up." Sam countered mildly taking the bill from Dean's hand as he exited the car joining hands with Jess shyly as they walk to the movie booth.

Dean unwound the window and yelled out to Sam. "And no funny business, you keep those hands to yourself and be the perfect gentleman- I'll be back at nine fifteen you hear!"  
Dean felt accomplished as he drove away, leaving a very red faced and humiliated Sam and an equally red faced but giggling Jess to their own devices.

Dean couldn't wait to tell Cas about how utterly smitten his little brother was, and how he was acting like a love sick fool in front of her because of it.

***  
When Jo asked Dean about Rachel or as she said (The girl I saw you dry humping in the hall) Dean just told her he was drunk, and that people did stupid things when they were drunk. When Jo pressed the issue Dean rebutted defensibly, having recalled bits and segments from the night before he asked cruelly;

"How's Ash? You two seemed pretty close at Meg's party?" He asked snidely, as he rose from his bed, looking towards his best girl-friend who had stilled in the doorway, hand clasped tightly around the wooden frame, her knuckles dangerously white.

Dean wasn't even mad that Jo slapped him and stormed out of the room and out of the house without a backwards glance. He still wasn't mad when almost a full day later she apologised to him just as he had begun to apologise to her.

And alright, Dean was a good enough friend, and man enough to admit the fact that he may have, sort of grovelled for her forgiveness.

The both of them learned very important lessons from that fight, Jo learnt that it was not okay to bring up the random skank Dean hooked up with at Meg's party, because something obviously happened to get Dean's undies in a knot about it.  
Dean learnt never to bring up Ash and Jo as a couple, '_lest he be punched within an inch of his life.' _And forever sentenced to endure continuous tea-bagging in Halo as punishment.

_***  
Dean heard Castiel Novak truly laugh for the first time when he came back from a toilet break in their assignment to find Cas standing by the sink with his mother and a dishcloth in hand as he dried._

"Of course Dean was really young then so it's hardly something to hold against him but-" Mary Winchester looked up from her sink as he noticed Dean standing by the door. "Dean, honey we were just talking about you."

Dean's eyes rested on Cas who was… _sniggering? _Obviously holding in his laughter when Dean was present. In an instant Dean reached out, took Cas' dish towel from him and set it aside, before he grabbed Cas' coat sleeve and dragged him out of the kitchen, as Mary began to laugh even louder.

"Whatever my mum tells you, don't believe okay, she's an old and spiteful crone, whose purpose in life is to torture me."  
"So when you were little you did not burst into tears on the Children's Ferris Wheel at the Lawrence fair because you believed you were going to fall?"  
"What I was like six years old!" Dean defended himself, embarrassed as he pulled Cas to the couch and forced him to sit down. He sat a notepad and pen in Cas' lap and all but growled "Now you, do some work." Plonking himself down next to Cas, he picked up his own work.

There was a minute of silence before Dean could hear Cas sniggering quietly to himself again.  
"What!" Dean demanded, looking up from his work.

Cas too looked up from his work, his face was red and his blue eyes were wide as he chewed on his bottom lip, then without any warning he burst into fits and waves of unexpectedly high pitched, breathy laughter. It was different from the laughter Cas had when watching movies, it was different from everything that Dean thought he knew about the other, gravelly voiced teen. And it was so shocking and infectious infact that Dean himself began to laugh out of pure confusion, leaving the two of them later heaving and wiping their eyes as they laid back on the couch, Dean with one arm around Cas' shaking shoulder as he gasped for breathe.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm sorry." Cas apologised as he wiped his eyes, still recovering from his bouts of laughter.  
"Don't apologise man, it _is_ a little funny." Dean admitted, though at the time it had been absolutely terrifying. "Besides I am a little afraid of heights, I guess it started back then."

Cas slowly composed himself, turning towards Dean as he nodded. "If it is any consolation I had strange fears as a child also."  
"Oh?" Dean questioned, just remembering that his arm was still around Ca's smaller shoulder. He removed it quickly and placed his arm behind his head as he leant back on the opposite end of the couch. "What were you afraid of then?"  
"_Spiders_." Cas answered with such conviction and seriousness that Dean all but doubled over as another wave of hysterical laughter overtook him. Needless to say that the rest of the afternoon passed quickly, and little to no work was done.

***  
SAM

The next day after school Sam came home from walking Jess home to see Dean and Cas watching Star Wars, revenge of the Sith on the floor. He noted, absently at the time, how close they were sitting, their thighs and legs touching, and every so often when a good part came on Dean would tap Cas' thigh without looking away from the screen and persist in him watching, to each tap Cas just smiled wider, and shook his head.

"I am watching Dean, but your enthusiasm and talking is spoiling the intended atmosphere of the movie."  
"Just shuddup and eat your popcorn okay- OH I love this bit!"  
Sam thought both Cas and his brother look happy, Cas was a good friend.

It wasn't until he noticed that after a while Dean just left his hand on Cas' thigh, and occasionally squeezed gently that Sam, confused and a myriad of other unknown emotions at the time, coughed loudly signalling that he was indeed _in the room too_.

"Sammy! I didn't think you'd be home so soon." Dean turned to face Sam with a bright smile, before noticing his raised eyebrow. "Someone get lucky?" he questioned coyly.  
"You tell me?" Sam quipped, jestfully, though hoping to convey to his brother the seriousness of his question.

It wasn't until Dean's gave him a perplexed quizzical look, not catching his innuendo that Sam realised something important.  
Dean himself didn't even realize…

Sam could see that Cas sure did. As he made a pointed effort of shuffling away from Dean, casting a cautious glance to Sam, who met the older boys blue eyed gaze steadily, mimicking his brother in not backing down.

"I have to go home Dean." Cas said suddenly, uncharacteristically breaking away from Sam's gaze first. An act which more than anything else left Sam believing Cas knew exactly what it was that Sam had noticed.

"But we were just at the good part Cas" Dean whined, actually _whined_ Sam noted.  
"I would like to continue watching this some other time. But now it's late and Michael will be expecting me home soon-"

He drawled off, standing abruptly and nodded first to Dean then Sam, before hurriedly collecting his belongings and shrugging on his coat. He was out the door and walking home before Dean could even have enough time to snap his open mouth shut.

"Yeah okay bye" Dean said dejectedly to no one, his shoulders suddenly slumped and the movie somehow not seeming as if it was not quite as interesting as it was before.

Sam just stood staring at his brother as he tried to fathom what it was that was going on, because clearly there was _something_, he just couldn't pinpoint what.

"You just gonna stand there Samsquatch, or are you going to watch the rest of this movie with me?"  
Sam contemplated the stacks of homework he had to do, but shrugged, saying 'of course' as he took Castiel's spot. Noting how on the couch there was plenty of room for both Dean and Cas to sit together without touching at all.

_**AUTHORS NOTE:**__  
I will not be back for about a week, but have no fear, there is a lot of this story left I intend to publish as soon as I get back!  
Cheers!_


	5. It's a not date, date

***  
"Hey Cas?" Dean asked one day, settling aside the yellow highlighter he hadn't been using anyway, as he peered at Cas sitting on the floor by the couch, whose legs crossed as he typed away at his computer  
"Dean?" Cas replied, formal as always. Not even turning from his Laptop to look up at Dean who was sprawled over the couch, lying down with his back propped up by his mothers embroidered pillows.  
"What's your- I mean where'd you get your name from man?_ Castiel_ well it's ah, pretty-" _Strange, weird, exotic?_Dean shook his head internally; none of those sounded right, so instead he sighed settling for the words; "-uncommon name." he finished lamely.

"My name." Cas paused, his nimble fingers stilled over the keys of his laptop. "I was named after the Angel of Thursday, from biblical theology." He said, voice deadpan with perhaps a hint of pride mixed in, for even looking at the back of Cas' head, Dean knew he had the ghost of a smile playing along his lips.

For a moment Dean believed Cas to be done talking, but was pleasantly surprised when Cas continued, swivelling his head around to look up to Dean with his wide, blue eyes as he set his laptop off his lap and aside. "My mother named all of my siblings and I after Angels, I had never thought to ask my father why. My name is rather uncommon, even among known Angels."

Dean nodded once. Though abruptly turned away from Cas' wide-eyed stare as he closed his book, bringing one hand up to brush and clasp awkwardly at the hairs on the nape of his neck. "Your mother, she is- I mean-"

"Dead." Cas offered as Dean lifted his gaze half ashamed for asking and half surprised by the brusqueness of Cas' tone. "Yes Dean."  
"Look, I'm sorry for bringing it up-" Dean began but was cut off by Cas, now propped up on his knees beside the couch laying his hand across Dean's knee right under where the thigh of his leg began. Dean noted how warm Cas' hand felt against his skin even through the denim fabric of his worn torn jeans.

"Do not apologise." Cas said quickly, yet his eyes had softened somewhat as his voice lowered. He gave Dean's legs a strong but not unpleasant squeeze, one that had Dean questioning the normalcy of the situation. Wasn't he supposed to be consoling Cas, not the other way around?  
"It is not your fault she died." Cas went on softly.

"How did she, you know _Pass-on_, if you don't mind me asking?"

Cas was silent for a long time. So long infact that Dean wondered if he'll even answer at all.  
"It was cancer, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. It was a little over a year ago, but she had been struggling, battling the disease for a little under five years before that."  
Dean didn't know what to say, and so he said as much. "Cas, man I- I honestly have no clue what to say."  
"You do not have to say anything Dean." Said Cas returning to his work.

Things are silent for a time, an odd weight pressed down on Dean's chest and after a few moments of breathing deeply he broke the silence.  
"So Angel of Thursday huh? That's pretty cool."  
"Dean you hate Thursdays."

Dean smiled widely to himself, thinking how Cas could remember that small detail about him, even when he only mentioned it in passing a few weeks back. "Yeah I know. But maybe I can learn to like em, I mean today's not so bad right?"  
"That's because it's Tuesday Dean." Cas said but there was no annoyance to his tone as he smiled goofily, dimples forming as he grinned down at his page ending the conversation on a lightened note.

It was the weekend and Dean was lying on Jo's bed, staring up at the ceiling as his two friends, battled it out on the X-box. As usual they all were taking turns switching around as Jo only had two controllers.

"Hey Dean it's your go." Said Jo after having celebrated another victory in capture the flag on Halo against Ash.  
"Hmm?" Dean said, vaguely, thinking of other things. "Oh you can take this one Ash."  
"Sweet." Ash said, without so much as a questioning eyebrow arch towards his friend as he turned back towards the screen. Unlucky for Dean however Jo was much more attentive.

"Okay, what's up?" She said, pausing the game and looking over to Dean, first suspicion then worry on her face as it took Dean a moment to answer, collecting her free flowing blonde hair up into a messy bun as she waited for Dean to answer.  
"The ceiling?" Dean retorted though his voice was void of it's usual sarcasm and instead sounded breathy and light.  
Ash snorted rolling his eyes. "Na Dean-o I think she mean's why do you look so freaking melancholy when it's a perfect day, the sun is shining the birds are singing and we're bolted up inside here playing _Halo_-"

"I'm just tired, I think." Dean mused, indeed he did feel tired, though perhaps lethargic was the proper term, _lazy_. It had taken him well over and hour to get up this morning, and it wasn't because he was tired. His sleep the night before had been restful, perhaps the most restful he had had in a long time, and when he woke up in the morning, he spent a few minutes just lying there, smiling and stretching out his body slowly, it was nice really even though for the vaguest of moments Dean felt like a cat in doing so. And he was okay with that, just _being_ for once instead of acting or doing.  
Ash just shrugged satisfied enough with the answer, but Jo was unconvinced.

"Have you been sleeping Dean?" She asked.  
"And by that do you mean sleeping around?" Ash questioned her before Dean could answer.  
Both Jo and Dean turned to glare at Ash who made a noncommittal noise, "Well sor-ry, _Jesus_. It's not as if it isn't a valid question-"  
"You shouldn't blaspheme." Dean mumbled. Suddenly it became Jo and Ash's turn to stare.

"What'd you just say?"  
"Nothing" Dean said sitting up, "It's just something Cas say's. His family's religious, Christian I think, haven't I told you this already? Anyway, every time I say Jesus or god or something like that he get's this real grumpy look you know its hilarious really and he says-"  
Dean noticed both Ash and Jo are wearing matching expressions, eyebrows raised expectantly, almost passing their hairlines as they looked at him, smirking. Dean hated being on the receiving end of that look.  
"What?" He demanded.

"Yeah we've heard about Cas from you, only like a million times-" Ash said, he looked as though he was about to say more but Jo shoved him ungraciously to the floor.  
Dean stared at his friends confused before Jo began to speak.

"Cas is _Castiel_ right? The guy in the trench?"  
"Yeah," Dean answered suspiciously. "What of it?"  
"You know" Jo pressed, "We wouldn't be against you inviting him over to sit with us at lunch sometime since we all share the same block. You could ask him if he's interested."

Dean could only glare. Jo despite being a fairly pretty girl, didn't exactly get along with a lot of other people, Dean supposed that not many people could handle the Harvell woman's dominance and attitude but Jo just said it was because she was picky.  
Dean respected that.

"What are you getting at Joanna-Beth Harvell?" He questioned. Whenever Jo got this certain look in her eye- the current look she was sporting now- she was up to something.  
"I think that she's saying that if you wanted to, you can invite Cas to come hang out with us sometime, I mean the kids a bit weird but-" Ash gestured to himself. "We're all a little bit weird."

"That's just you man," Dean said. "Besides, Cas' just in my History class and we have been doing this assignment thingo about the Russian revolution after school. And sometimes he helps me with my other classes, you know, maths and shit-"  
Jo simply hummed nodding her head. Dean stalled.  
"Look it doesn't matter okay, Cas he- he doesn't get people much and no offense but why anyone would voluntarily hang out with you two is beyond me."  
"Oh Dean!" Jo swooned mockingly, "You sure do know how to make a girl feel special!"

Ash laughed as Dean sat up on Jo's bed flinging a pillow at her face. A few minutes later, when Jo had Dean pinned to the floor on his stomach with one arm bent awkwardly behind his back, Dean yielded saying;  
"Well if it means so freaking much to you two then Fine, I'll ask okay!"  
Jo relented, and Dean knew without looking at her that she was smirking triumphantly.  
"Now give me that damn controller," Dean said, shoving at Jo as he got back up on to the bed "And I'll kick both your asses."

***  
_The next week at school, Dean told Jo and Ash he asked, and that Cas politely declined. They didn't ask why and seemed more so concerned for Dean's sake rather then feeling rejected themselves, which just confused Dean, he wasn't the one to want to mix his friends with- well, Cas. For reasons he couldn't even think of himself.  
It just felt wrong.  
Dean said that Cas was happy hanging out on his own, but the truth was, Dean hadn't asked him at all._

_There were things however that Dean did want to ask Cas.  
He wanted to ask him why when Anna brought new clothes that she showed them to him to gauge his thoughts, to flaunt them in front of him. Dean wanted to ask Cas how he knew so much about history and maths and basically every freaking subject they taught in Dean's school, even the ones he wasn't taking.  
He wanted to ask Cas why he always wore that damned trench coat.  
Dean wanted to ask Cas why when he looked down at his own art work, his beautiful artwork that he looked as though he wanted to spit on the page and tear it up into pieces and salt and burn those pieces just for good measure.  
Dean wanted to ask Cas a lot of things, but the truth was, he never even tried.  
_

***  
"You've done well Dean." Mr. Walters said encouragingly as he handed back Dean's copy of the written assignment he and Cas had been working on for what seemed like years. "A solid A, it seems Mr. Novak has had quite the influence on you, keep it up-"

Dean was positively (and alarmingly to all those who knew him) beaming from the praise as Mr. Walter's walked among the rows passing back the graded history assignments to all the class. Unable to help himself Dean looked over to Cas who, as of late, sat at the desk opposite Dean, flicking through his own paper to read Mr Walters comments etched in red pen onto the pages.

"You hear that Cas? An A? We're _awesome_ man!" Dean grinned catching the other teens eye as he looked up from his musings.  
"Yes, an A is an admirable effort." Cas agreed, offering Dean a small smile, as the rest of the class began to chatter about their own scores. The assignment did however account for 25% of that semesters grade.

"_Admirable_? This is the highest score I've got -" Dean had to think back, quite a long way back. After a moment or two he shrugged happily enjoying the moment. "The highest score I've had _ever_I'm pretty sure. In anything."

"You do not give yourself enough credit Dean. You are exceedingly capable to obtain high grading yet you lack the faith in yourself to do so. But this is a prime example to the contrary, proving to you that you can achieve high results in anything you set you're mind to-" Said Cas for a long moment just looking at Dean, and for a second Dean swore that the class around them, the talking and the bell signalling the end of class dropped away. "You only lack the will to do so." He finished, just as the other students around them began to pack away their belonging and leave the class room.

After a moment of silence, as Dean squirmed in his seat. He had found over the weeks that sometimes Cas just said shit, whatever he was thinking, and more often than not it was deep, _personal_. Even after weeks of Dean receiving comments like this from Cas he still didn't know how to react to such sincere and underserved praise.  
Dean swallowed roughly, feeling as though there was something lodged in his throat as he packed up his work in an attempt to look busy, but more so to by some time to come up with an answer.

_Who just say's shit like that? _He questioned silently, feeling Cas' intense blue eyes focused on him, as though every movement he made was part of an intricate dance, one which Cas was enthralled by.

"Yeah, well I can't take all the credit, man" Dean said gruffly head down as he stood up and patted Cas on the shoulder as he headed out of the room. "I'll drive you home if you want? Meet me out in the lot after school okay?"

Dean didn't wait for Cas' answer, but he knew without looking back that Cas was smiling.

Sam was staying over at Jess' (again, though Dean had to admit, he himself had come to like the girl) when Dean drove Cas home later that afternoon.  
It was a clear day, the sun was still up and running full steam, hot enough to call for the removal of jackets and coats but not enough for Dean to turn the air conditioning on in his car.  
Obviously Cas, clad in his well-worn beige trench coat, didn't think much about the sunny weather at all.

"Hey Cas do you wanna do something tonight?" Asked Dean, reaching over to the stereo and turning down _Metallica_ to a simple rumbling sound in the background. He watched as Cas' nimble fingers tapped the tune of the music onto his knee. When the music quietened he stopped instantly turning from the peering out the window to instead peer at Dean.  
"Pardon?" He asked. And for a moment Dean wondered if he was really caught up in the music, or if his mind was preoccupied on different things. A strange surge of want filled Dean then, the want to know what Cas was thinking, during those silent moments they spent together, he wanted to unearth every thought in Cas' mind and analyse it, understand it, know it, _know him_.  
Dean quickly turned his eyes back to the road, careful to stop at the stop sign as cars sped across the intersection. "I said, did you wanna hang out tonight sometime?"  
"Why?" Cas asked, and a small, meaningless sting of dismissal shot through Dean at the innocent question.

"Gee, Cas-" crossing the empty intersection and driving his baby along the faded tarmac, that all of a sudden seemed like the most interesting thing in the world to Dean. "I just figured that we've been working real hard for weeks now, and now that its over- I don't know, we should do something as sort of a celebration, what'd ya say?"  
Cas was silent for a long agonizing moment as Dean tapped his fingers against the steering wheel restlessly, listening to the soft rumbles of Metallica's '_Some Kind of Monster'_and resisting the nervous habit to hum along.

"What did you have in mind?" Cas looked to Dean then, his eyes wide and blue and full of …something _knowing_- almost as if he knew his silence had been bothering Dean.

Dean pushed thoughts like that away focussing on the road and not trying to identify the exact shade of blue Cas' eyes were. Azure? Cobalt? Sapphire?  
"I was thinking about getting out the house, you know maybe grabbing something to eat. Sound interesting?"  
"There is suitable food stuffs here that we can eat safely. I happen to know that your mother-" Cas commented, to which Dean thought _come on, he's got to be joking now, _as he interrupted him.

"Cas that's not the point." Interrupted Dean, seeing Cas smiling fondly out of the corner of his eye. _Yeah he knew what he was doing._ Dean thought a little proudly. It looked as thought Dean wasn't the only one to be influenced by his and Cas' hanging out.

"So you would like to have dinner with me?" Cas confirmed, his voice slow as he smiled.  
Dean sighed, sudden nerves prickling along his finger tips and legs at Cas' words. W_hy the hell do you have to make it sound like that Cas?_

Dean stopped the Impala in it's usual spot now, right between their two houses against the curb. He turned the stereo off all the way as he unbuckled his belt, Cas did the same as Dean began talking.  
"Look just go home and put on something more comfortable-" Dean said as he got out of the car, Cas on the passenger side did the same, closing Baby's door more gingerly than Dean, an act which he found incredibly endearing for reasons unknown. "-And come meet me outside in like a couple hours man, I have to take a shower cos I smell of some serious B.O."

Cas' lips picked up at that, as he made his way around to Dean's side of the car, carrying his for once, less than full school backpack over on shoulder.  
"You do not smell particularly offensive Dean." He commented casually, making his way up his own drive away before calling out behind him. "At least not today."

Dean chuckled falsely, affectionately raising his middle finger in Cas' direction. "Alright smart ass, Go on- get changed and I'll meet you out here later. And don't you even think about wearing that god-damned trench coat, wear something different for a change."

"Something different." Cas repeated appearing deep in thought as he paused in the drive way looking down at his suddenly interesting black polishable shoes. "Very well then, I'll meet you outside at 7:00pm." He said, smiling softly almost to himself, a smile Dean couldn't help noticing seemed to almost say something more than what Dean could understand in the moment.  
The fact was both unnerving and intriguing, almost causing Dean to stop and question Cas right then and there. Instead he held his tongue.

_It's a date_- he almost said but smiled somewhat tightly as he held the words in. "Awesome." He nodded instead, making his own way back inside as Cas did the same.

It wasn't until later when Dean was spending a lot more time than he usually did picking between two band shirts- that he realized, somewhat subconsciously, that this having dinner with Castiel thing felt very much like a date.

Cas came out of his house at six fifty eight wearing lip gloss. And Dean noticed it instantly.

It was not an obvious standout by any means, but in an instant Dean was reminded of the second Cas that existed, the one he had seen little of in recent weeks, but was always just below the surface, the reminder made him gulp, his throat suddenly dry, as Cas approached. The gloss was a thin coat of transparency with only the lightest bit of shimmer added. Dean knew it was lip gloss because the coating added a little extra volume, moistness, and pinkness to Cas' usually chapped lips that couldn't possibly be done with saliva alone.

Momentarily distracted, Dean shut his mouth as his friend approached Baby. As Dean had asked (more so demanded really) Cas was not wearing his trench coat, making him look both oddly older and more built (like a swimmer, Dean noted absently) and dangerously young and vulnerable all at the same time. He had removed his usual formal get up of suit jacket and tie for a simple light blue T shirt under a long sleeved grey cardigan. His slacks and shoes had been replaced by dark coloured Doc's and a pair of slightly baggy grey jeans that looked about one size to big on his slim waist.

As Cas slid into the Impala with Dean waiting patiently in the front seat (he had finally settled on his simple pair of blue jeans and ACDC shirt -not that, he thought vehemently, that he had actually put _effort_ into what he was wearing or anything.)  
Dean suddenly took note of Cas' flushed face, the way he bit on his bottom lip nervously as his hands fidgeted restlessly first clasped around each other than digging deeply into his pockets, then tucked away under his armpits before back to fidgeting again. Dean watched Cas' hands with a sudden attentiveness he only ever really paid when reading his car mags, accessing whether a girl was drunk or horny enough for a quickie or watching his dad outside on the weekends teaching him a thing or two about cars. Cas had slim, dextrous hands, Dean noted, far more suited to playing the piano than wielding a brush or pencil, though he was remarkable at those too.

Cas was as nervous as all hell, Dean understood with a rare moment of clarity; looking uncomfortable in his very own skin, as though it didn't even truly belong to him. Almost as though it was just some sort of suit or vessel that he wanted nothing more than to shed away like a second skin, and be whoever there was hiding underneath.

Dean wanted to say a lot of things then, most of which he didn't even know he wanted to say, but of course, unable to think let alone form the words, he didn't. Instead he said;

"Didn't know you could scrub up like this Cas." Then more sincerely, "you look good buddy." _Buddy? _Dean questioned, mentally slapping himself. _Who say's buddy, like that? Since when do I say buddy?!  
_  
Cas' face split into a genuine, gummy toothed smile at the complement, and Dean wanted nothing more than to make him smile like that every hour of every day.  
"You too look good Dean" He replied honestly, his hands stilling in his lap as his breathing deepened and slowed to something just short of normal, though his face remained somewhat flushed as he turned to connect him in their usual stare off.

Dean leant sideways in his seat, putting his hand to Cas' shoulder, fingers scraping across the soft material of his cardigan, as he squeezed gently with some sort of visceral need turning inside of him to comfort Cas with a reassuring touch. At the gesture Cas' face flushed brighter (Something Dean unconsciously ignored in the moment) and he bit his lip offering Dean a small smile in return.

Without another word- as none were needed to be said with Cas- Dean let his hand drop down to the gear shift and started his baby, smirking sideways at Cas as the engine purred beautifully and he drove from the curb, with ACDC's '_Back in Black'_ playing quietly in the background.

***  
Twenty minutes later Dean pulled up out the front of The Roadhouse.

He had chosen his favourite restaurant/diner as the perfect place to celebrate his and Cas' self congratulatory party. It was a local hotspot, one almost every man, woman and child frequented regularly, though Cas seemed in no frame of mind to complain for Dean's unimaginative choice, infact he seemed overjoyed especially when the food started to arrive.

"These make me very happy." Cas smiled. His blue eyes focused intensely on the half devoured burger clutched lovingly in both his hands.  
_More then wearing makeup Cas? _Dean thought but said out loud;"maybe you should slow down a bit, you've had two already. Anyone would think you haven't eaten in years"  
Cas, swallowing around his insanely large bite appeared as though he was about to rebut, a small pin prick frown formed between his brows as he opened his, thankfully, empty mouth to speak. But his words were cut off by a booming, female voice from just behind the counter.  
"_Deanna, Jonathan Winchester_! What the hell are you doing coming in here eating my food without so much as saying hello?"

Without even having to turn around Dean knew that Ellen Harvelle, Jo's mum and the owner of The Roadhouse was stalking over to him, her dark eyes glaring, somewhat affectionate daggers into his back.  
Cas who was facing towards the counter, and therefore the approaching wild card, paused with his burger halfway between his plate and his mouth. His eyes widened fractionally and the scene would have almost looked comical to Dean if he wasn't already trying to suddenly make himself invisible.  
As far as Dean was concerned, if Ellen was around, Jo wasn't far behind.

"_Deanna_?" Cas questioned seeming to compose himself as he leant over the opposite side of the booth to Dean. If Dean didn't know better he would say the Cas was refraining from laughing.

"Shut up!" Dean hissed, ducking his head lower in a vain attempt to somehow fold in on himself as he stuffed as many fries as he could into his mouth. "it's just a long and very tiring joke. Okay?" He explained, swallowing before clamming up fully as Ellen stopped right in front of the both of them their table. Hands on her hips as she surveyed Dean with hawk like precision.  
"Hey Ellen, how's life?" Dean began friendly, plastering on his most charming, and hopefully disarming smile.  
"Don't you 'how's life' me boy, I should clip your ears for all the grief you've caused me. Jo's been real worried about you for wee-" She paused as if just for the first time she noticed Cas, sitting quietly opposite Dean, calmly chewing on his third burger as he watched the two of them with big blue eyes.  
Dean thought that if anyone was to give Cas a run for his money in a staring competition, it would defiantly be Ellen Harvelle.

"Who's your friend Dean?" Ellen asked, her voice surprisingly softer now as she seemed to take Cas in, observing him just as much as he was observing her. For a moment Dean pictured this scenario as an animal planet episode, with a predator and it's prey staring off at each other from a distance, trying to see two steps ahead in order to either succeed in the hunt or live to see another day. Except now, looking between the two Dean wasn't quite sure who was the predator and who was the prey, he suspected somehow that he himself, was the one about to be eaten in the crossfire.

"Ellen, this is Cas, Cas this is Ellen." Dean, composed on the outside, waved between the two of them absently, checking behind Ellen to make sure Jo didn't pop up out of no where, with that shit eating grin on her face…  
He didn't know why he cared all that much. Jo was his best friend, and Cas was just his… other friend- but something about the two meeting, struck a nerve in Dean. They were like polar opposites, and probably would spontaneously combust if they came into close proximity with each other.  
And a little part of Dean, the part he wouldn't acknowledge outright just yet, wanted to keep his friendship with Cas, just between the two of them. He wanted to keep Cas, just for himself.

"Castiel Novak." Cas said simply, looking at his burger once before placing it down on his plate.  
"_Cas-ti-el_?" Ellen repeated and when she pronounced it right, Cas smiled nodding.  
"Your family just moved to town right? Next to Dean's house? You're a part of Joshua's mob?"

Cas nodded again, "Yes I have been Dean's neighbour for several months now." He concluded, "But this is the first time I have been here, but I think I'll start frequenting this place more often as it's been surprisingly pleasing so far."

Dean smiled to himself, looking up to Ellen who in turn was smiling also. If there was any way to automatically get Ellen to like you, you complemented the shit out of the Roadhouse.

_"Gee Castiel you're such a charmer."_

Dean instantly stiffened at the voice, and if he had wanted the ground to swallow him up before, he wanted the whole freaking world to crush around him and have himself be thrown into one of those black holes Sammy was talking about the other week, and never see the light of day again.  
But Dean being Dean was never that lucky.

"Jo." Dean greeted, though it sounded more like an apology. "I didn't think you were working tonight?"  
Jo laughed, appearing right from behind Ellen with- yep Dean guessed it- that shit eating smirk on her lips as she waggled her eyebrows at him.  
"I wasn't aware that I had to inform you of my every move Winchester." She said with affection, sliding uninvited into the booth beside Dean as she, plucked a few of his fries from his plate.

Dean watched as a small creased frown formed between Cas' brows as he watched, before turning back to his own plate with considerably less fervour than before.  
"I'm not interrupting anything _am I, Dean_?" Jo said with an obvious and uncalled for snark.

Dean visibly reddened, more so annoyed then anything else, but he couldn't exactly place why. He pushed the feeling away almost instantly, dragging out a metaphorical shovel, digging and hole and burying the unknown and unwelcome feeling deep inside himself- Jo was his friend. _His best friend_, aside from Sammy of course.

"Dean and I were just sharing a meal." Cas answered, seemingly unaffected by Jo's presence save for the slight frown that wouldn't seem to disappear. A sudden thought hit Dean of reaching over the table and pressing his thumb to Castiel's forehead in an attempt to smooth the creases of his scowl. But of course he didn't do that and instead slapped Jo's hand away that was creeping towards his fries.  
"My food." He scolded, shifting the plate away from her. "Go pay for you're own bloody meal you harpy!"  
"Come on Dean-" Jo teased lightly, "when was the last time you ever actually paid for a meal here? Especially when me and mum are working?"

Ellen looked disparagingly down at her daughter, silently scolding her to keep her voice down around the other customers. Dean had forgotten the older woman was still standing by their table. "Joanna Beth, you're supposed to be keeping an eye on Garth-" Dean had only a vague idea who Garth was; some new cook Ellen had hired who wouldn't- according to Jo's ratings –'_know a kitchen stove from a Buddhist monks bare ass'_.

Dean smiled somewhat smugly towards Jo as she groaned. Ellen continued, "Come on, we'll leave these boys to their _privacy_." The emphasis of the word privacy did not go unnoticed by neither Jo nor Dean.  
_Okay_, Dean thought looking up at Ellen accusingly as Jo's smirk split into a Cheshire cat grin, _what the hell was that supposed to mean?  
_  
Jo pouted when Ellen repeated herself, nodding to both Dean and Cas as she left their table and throwing a 'Nice to meet you Castiel' over her shoulder. Jo, obviously trying to stay off her shift with Garth, shuffled in closer to Dean and placed her head on his shoulder. Innately- even though Dean was less than ecstatic to see his best friend right now, shifted his arm from getting squished by her small yet strong body and placed it over the back of the booth seat, across her shoulders.

"Dean, I don't wanna work with Garth." Jo sighed, looking up at him through her dark lashes. There was a time Dean thought years ago, when he wouldn't have minded dating Jo, or at least getting into her pant's. But like Jo, they both had discovered quite quickly after a few awkward and generally laughable attempts at hooking up that they were each too much work for the other and were better off as friends, quickly to become the best of friends when both of them ceased trying to get with the other.

"He's so _incompetent_he probably doesn't even know which end of a knife to hold." Jo continued ranting now. Ash was more suited to dealing with Jo's girly rants and such he offered more of a sympathetic and interested ear. But Dean was more equipped in helping Jo forget her troubles for a time, instead f stewing in them.

The three of them together made a pretty good team.

Dean chuckled, the sound of it probably reverberating through Jo's body, with her head leaning on his shoulder, her eyes facing him, begging for some sort of sympathy.  
"Well someone's gotta teach him," Dean said, nudging her head with his. "And who better than the Roadhouse's own resident chef and waitress- the beautiful Jo Harvelle?"

Jo laughed half-heartedly and slapped his arm. "Thankyou asswipe for the vote of confidence. But I bet even a monkey could do better than Garth." She joked, suddenly lifting her head to glance at Cas. "Hey Castiel are you looking for a job or anything? I'm sure even you could be a great replacement trainee for back of house!"

Dean glanced up also, ready to meet Cas with a warm smile, maybe even a suggestion of go for it, but instead was met by a full out glare. And for once when Dean turned to him, Cas' eyes didn't instantly search out his, like a magnet was pulling them. _If looks could kill_, Dean thought confused as he followed Cas' stare-of-doom to a space somewhere between him and Jo.

"Hey Cas, what's up? You see a spider or something?" Dean teased light-heartedly, remembering Cas' childhood fear of the eight legged beasties. He leant forward concerned as Cas simply grimaced, seemingly not even having heard. His arm slipped down from the back of the booth seat to fall around Jo's shoulders, just as Cas let out a half choked cough.  
Jo, just as worried/confused as Dean now, leant forward across the table and placed her hand beside Cas' about to ask him if he was okay-

Cas jumped at the near touch as though he had been hit, his face flushing as he met Dean's eye for only a moment before looking down at the table. He looked as if he was in pain and for a second Dean worried if somehow Garth had made Cas' burgers and had given him food poisoning, cos that was defiantly the expression of someone either constipated or in pain.  
Dean hoped for Cas' sake it was the latter.

Before Dean could swoop into Cas' side of the booth, bypassing Jo and comfort his friend, Cas shot out of his chair like a rocket. Jo startled pulled her hand back as Cas, looked down at the floor not meeting either Jo or Dean's eye as he spoke;  
"I think, I just- ah have to get some fresh air. Excuse me."

Before either Jo or Dean could utter a syllable in reply Cas was gone, making his hasty exit out of the diner, striding in hunched shoulder, jaunting leg movements and not his usual straight backed, still armed pace that Dean was accustomed to.

"Okay did Garth make his burger or something?" Jo asked, turning to face Dean a myriad of emotions on her face, but most of all just blank confusion.

"I better go after him." Dean said, barley looking at her, but instead towards the door Cas had just exited by. He kissed Jo briefly on the top of her blonde head, Said he'd catch up with her soon just as a crash and the sound of Ellen's imaginative swears sounded from somewhere deep inside the Roadhouses kitchen, and raced out the door after his friend, glancing down at his watch as he did so.

It wasn't even nine thirty yet and already things had gone wrong.

***  
"Hey Cas what went back on in there man? You sort of just clammed up." Dean asked about five minutes later.

When he had left Jo and raced out of the Roadhouse after Cas he found the other boy leaning against the Impala looking just as straight laced, stick-up-the-ass deadpanned as when he first met him. So obviously Cas wasn't sick then.

They were driving back through Lawrence now, though Dean wasn't sure if he was just driving for the sake of driving, or trying to put off the ending of his night with Cas, despite the little Diner incident, Dean was still undeterred in his quest to spend a night just hanging out with Cas in the wider world.  
A quest that more and more was increasing in both difficulty and improbability in success if Cas kept closing up like he was currently doing.

"It's nothing I just-" Cas said finally, pausing as if searching through his brain for the right words to explain himself. "If you wanted to spend the remainder of your night with Joanna, Dean, I would have understood. You did not need to use the pretence of having dinner with me to go see her. I'm not a charity case, nor do I want to be some sort of third wheel-"

"I- what?" Dean asked, turning away from the road until he heard the blast of a car horn and had to swerve terribly back into his own lane.  
Cas was unaffected by the whole ordeal, looking to Dean with his usual intensity, though plagued with something almost like…_restraint_?  
"Joanna." He pressed sounding like he had the day he told Dean his middle name was James, his hands were gripping the fabric of his jeans roughly and if Dean hadn't of already asked and asked again if Cas was in pain and receiving a very abrupt and confused no, before he would have thought so then. "I assumed that If you wanted time to be alone-"  
"Cas, man what are you getting at?" Dean barked, both becoming annoyed and infinitely more confused, "And what do you mean a third wheel?"  
Cas expression darkened and he looked out the window. But yet he said nothing.

It took longer than Dean would like to admit before he figured out what Cas was talking about.

"Wait Cas did you think…Jo and I are _not_ dating, dude, _Jesus_." Cas did look surprised at that, and under different circumstances the expression of an opened mouth and furrowed brows would have made him laugh. Instead he huffed keeping his eyes on the car in front of them as they stopped at a stop sign. "She's more of a sister to me than anything, and an annoying one at that."

"Oh." Cas said quietly, though his hands gripping his thighs loosened significantly. "I assumed-"  
Dean interrupted him. "Haven't you heard the saying never to assume something, because it makes-"  
"-An ass out of you and me, I am not a child Dean." Cas finished somewhat petulantly.  
"No, but you're acting like a baby in a trench coat." Dean countered, turning his gaze back to the road. Something about the idea of Dean dating Jo bothered Cas immensely, something that made Dean want to dig further. Did Cas really dislike Jo that much? Was Jo really that unlikable to Cas that he would absolutely hate it if they dated. And if they ever did date (which was very unlikely, near impossible) would Cas stop hanging out with Dean because of it?

"I'm not wearing my Trench coat Dean." Cas pointed out obviously, his face turned towards the window as he spoke, his breath causing the glass to fog up in small puffs around the space of his mouth.  
"Still being a baby though." Dean said, inching back some of the light teasing to his tone. If Cas really didn't like Jo there were ways to avoid them being together, ways that Dean could work around. He wanted to be friends with the both of them damn it!

Dean broke the silence, again because despite this conversation dangerously teetering on the edge of 'chick flick alert' he had to let Cas know, make him understand the he actually wanted to be friends- real friends who hanged out and gamed together and joked and laughed together without all the other difficult stuff like studying. He wanted to know Cas, but more importantly he wanted Cas to _want_to be his friend, to want the same things of him that Dean wanted.

"You're not a third wheel Cas. If I was dating Jo- which I'm not by the way- I wouldn't use you as an excuse to hang out with her man. I'd just do it. I'm a man of action, I do things when I want." Dean lifted one of his hand from the steering wheel briefly to rub at his face. "I asked you to hang out with me tonight because; shockingly,_ I_ _wanted to hang out with you_. Okay? That's the only reason."

Cas was silent for a long time, but Dean's words had shifted something in the air around them, making it easier to breath freely in the car.  
"I would like to make a stop somewhere," Cas said finally, breaking what little tension there remained between them. "If you have the time, that is."  
"Yeah, sure Cas." Dean said, glancing towards Cas from the corner of his eye, trying to determine if Cas' small smile was there because he agreed, or because Dean told him he and Jo weren't dating.

_**AUTHORS NOTE:**_

_I LOVE GARTH, no Garth bashing here, I just needed a name to fill into this slot._

_I remember having trouble writing this chapter, Jo is so hard to write not to mention Ellen and Jealous Cas, if he was an angel in this fic I would have just had him poof away or threaten to smite her._  
_But of course we love Jo, despite how freaking hard it is to write her without being OCC._

_Let me know what you think and I'll try to get the next Chapter up soon. Updates will be slower now so YOU HAVE BEEN FORWARNED._  
_**  
IMPORTANT!**_  
_**The rating for this Fic will be going up in the next chapter**, so it will be rated M instead of it's usual T, be cautioned **the sex/porn is there for the sake of plot**so it's kinda hard to go without it._

_Also, I've never written sexytimes before…. I'm sorry if it sucks (no pun intended)_


	6. Dreams

Dean complied wholeheartedly to Cas' instructions as he drove. Cas sat quietly in shotgun only speaking to Dean when it was an instruction or direction. Dean found it highly amusing that even though he was the home grown Kansas boy, and Cas the newbie, he was directing him around as If he owned the place. Though often at times Dean had mentioned how he rather liked Cas silence he wanted to talk now. About anything and everything, he didn't particularly care what.  
Every so often Dean would catch a glimpse of Cas from the corner of his eye.  
He looked vastly different without his trench coat; his body seemed smaller, yet somehow broader, older without drowning in the folds of beige material. His lip gloss had long faded now, but somehow Dean couldn't bring himself to care particularly about that, what with the nervous way Cas was chewing on his bottom lip as he reached out to Dean, his fingers skated lightly over the edge of Dean's jacket.  
"Here. Stop here."  
And Dean, without so much as a blink did as Cas asked.

It was dark outside as Dean unfolded himself from his baby, Cas doing the same from the passenger side of the car. The air was clean and neither particularly warm nor cold, it was one of those rare evenings when everything was just aloud to _be_without struggle or turbulence. Dean supposed the mood was fitting, as he followed Cas across the familiar expanse of lawn, his boots sinking slightly in the dewy grass as they walked in silence. Dean had never before been so comfortable with the idea of prolonged silence as he was with Cas. Yet as Dean crossed along the tree line, ducking out of reach of a low hanging branch and turning a corner he couldn't find it within himself to care all that much that he and Cas didn't need to talk. Just being together was enough.

Past the tree line, Cas had lead Dean to a small but well known clearing in Lawrence. The, slightly old but none the less loved park was empty at this time of night. Embedded deep within the heart of Lawrence the park was a smorgasbord of childhood memories for the local kids. It was slightly rusted in places, the swing on the far left of the playground Dean remembered squeaked when you swung anything higher than a few kicks, the jungle gym had been replaced twice, and repaired more than a few times, and the slide looked far smaller now, and less intimidating in height than Dean remembered as a child. And of course Dean remembered cos any Lawrence born Kansas kid remembered this place. But of course Cas didn't have any childhood memories here.

Dean paused in his step while he reminisced of the park, Cas however walked right past the seesaw, the slide and the swings. Past the sand pit and the bars right to the opposite side of the park before coming to stop in front of one of the two twin benches. He sat down on the very edge of one , his arm placed on his thighs his legs parted slightly as he watched Dean come towards him, head tilted like an overly inquisitive bird.

Dean's steps stuttered as Cas watched him. He passed the slide, letting his finger graze against the cool metal momentarily before he sat down on the side of the opposite chair, leaving a little less than a meters distance between them. Cas did not question this, instead he smiled looking out to the empty park almost as if he could imagine the children playing there, laughing and chasing and just being.  
Yeah, and maybe if Dean looked at Cas hard enough he could imagine it too.

When Cas spoke his voice was soft, his gaze thoughtful. "I started coming here, the first week we moved here. Just sitting, it's nice here peaceful."  
"Yeah, I'm sure it's real peaceful when you've got little rug-rats running around huh?" Dean joked.  
Cas smiled softly but didn't say anything. They sat in silence.

The park appeared smaller than Dean remembered. It appeared drastically different in the dark. Somehow the park didn't seem right without the sounds of laughing children and the scrambling of small bodies amongst its equipment, like visiting an amusement park in the middle of winter- the place seemed incomplete, so empty with just the two of them but oddly peaceful.

Dean remembered this particular park fondly; he could recall many times when Mary would take him and Sam here when they were younger. The most clear memory he had was when he was about six or seven and Sammy a few years younger. Mary had been distracted talking to one of the mothers that she worked with. And Dean had been with Sam, always with Sam, who had been a chubby, wide eyed little kid when he was younger, and not the quickly growing, kind eyed man he was becoming. Dean remembered standing close by, as Sam kicked his little legs through the air, squealing happily as he swung back and forth on the swing.

Dean had loved days like that, when the sun shone down on him as he played with Sammy, days when he would arrive back home breathless and laughing, with Mary smiling down at him with a sleepy Sam in her arms.  
There had been other times too, when Dean was a little older, deemed old enough to take Sam to the park without Mary or even more rarely John looking over them. Dean had a particularly striking memory of Sam trying to slide down the slide while standing up, He had fallen off half way down, and skinned his knee to the point of bleeding on the hard, wood chipped ground below, his wrist was broken also, enough so that almost two months later he was still wearing a cast. One Dean was the first to sign.

Dean had reacted instantly back then, abandoning whatever it was he was doing at the time instead of watching Sam and ran to his brother's side. The graze wasn't too bad, not bad enough for any severe medical attention just some antiseptic later when they arrived home and a bandaid. But it was the way Sam held his wrist tightly against his chest, snuffling his cries into Dean's shoulder, soaking his shirt that scared Dean the most.  
He never wanted Sam to go through any pain again.  
Dean had gingerly wiped the dirt and wood chips from his brothers knee, washed the graze as best he could with water from the bubble tap nearby and held Sammy close as he half carried him home, supporting his brothers weight almost fully as he comforted and reassured him, using his own jacket to create a makeshift sling for his arm.  
John had always said it was Dean's Job as an older brother to look out for and after Sam, nothing came before him. Dean remembered that was the time when his fathers words truly sunk in for the first time. After seeing his little brother cry something almost maternal clicked on inside Dean, even at the young age.  
It was than that he promised both himself and Sam that he would always be there to take care of him.

Dean looked to Cas now wondering if he ever had any memories with his brothers like that. What little interaction Dean had seen between the Novak siblings seemed formal and distant at best, at least between the brothers. Anna seemed affectionate particularly to Cas more so than Gabriel or Michael.  
And what of the never seen nor spoken of fourth brother, the one Sam had told Dean what seemed like years ago but was only months was named after the Devil himself- why was he no longer in the picture?

"Was there actually anything you wanted to say, or are we just... sitting?" Dean asked. He was never really comfortable with the idea of just sitting and _thinking_- until he met Castiel, that is. He had always found something to distract himself with, Sammy, Jo and Ash, his baby, and, of course girls. He had never really thought of himself being capable.

"Do you wish to talk?" Castiel asked him, though didn't look away from the empty park.  
"Well yeah." Dean answered looking down as he wet his lips, his stomach suddenly feeling tight.  
"About anything in particular, or-?"  
"Just anything-" Dean interrupted, "Anything, I don't care."  
Without even looking towards Dean Cas spoke still looking out to the park with an unreadable expression on his face. "If I told you something-" He began voice uncharacteristically hesitant. "-would you promise not to tell another soul?"

A myriad of thoughts hit Dean then. The first and foremost being- this is it. This was the moment when Cas would breach that gap between them, when he'd open up and confess to Dean everything, the makeup, the clothes. Dean felt himself freeze instantly at Cas words, though in his own mind he had come to terms with the idea- hell he had seen it _all_, he still had no idea how or what he should say to his friend- whether he should confess that he had known all along, even before he even knew Cas' name, and that he enjoyed silent black and white movies, books of all genres and topics, Ellen's burgers and drew with the sort of deep rooted passion very few people were even lucky enough to witness.  
Or would he mess it all up right now, when Cas was finally being honest with him.

But as Cas started talking despite Dean not answering, Dean realized he wasn't confessing or opening up to him about what Dean expected he would be. And it stung harder than Dean thought it had any right in doing.

"My father is a difficult man to live with at times." Cas began, still looking out to the empty playground, his gravely voice low. "He expects much from me, as he does all his children, but I feel as if-" Cas sighed, changing his trail of thought. "I have questions, I have doubts. I don't know what will happen in the coming months for me, school obviously though my father wishes me to follow in Michael's footsteps and aim to attend medical school to become a doctor or a surgeon- but I-" He stopped and took a shaky breath.  
"My father is- Sometimes I feel as if he left in mind and spirit months ago, when my mother died. I feel guilty sometimes for thinking that somehow if he had truly left when she did it would be easier on me and my siblings, left to our own devices- left with space to breathe instead of being suffocated by his all consuming grief as well as our own."

"My father was a loving Gardner. Outside our church in Pontiac he tended to the most beautiful flowers. The garden was for my mother you see. He planted it when he first became a minister at the church the same year he and my mother married. My mother, before she became sick- she would always take me and my siblings out to my fathers garden. She loved everything about the garden, as much as she loved my father having created it for her. Every Sunday service attendees would praise my fathers work, despite it not being perfect. For gardening was just a hobby, there were obvious flaws, there were weeds, and snails, some of the flowers would finish their cycle and die, but still the people would love the garden. My mother loved the garden, and my father loved her."

Dean thought back to a few weeks after Cas has moved in next door. He had only seen his father- Joshua a few brief times. But once, he had been in the yard, mowing the lawns as Mary had asked him to, but on his break he had heard the back door of the Novak's household open and the sound of heavy, slow footsteps.  
Peering over the fence, Dean remembered seeing Joshua or rather Mr Novak, drop down to his knees in front of a small patch of tilled earth near the back fence. He padded at the soft ground with his bare hands, holding it for a moment before patting it down gently. After a while, he began to plant small seeds the labels of which Dean was too far away to read, but in later weeks would come to know as flowers.

Mr Novak had shown the seedlings such affection in the times after that with which he watered and cared for the sprouting plants Dean had often wondered whether Mr Novak had ever shown his own children that same tenderness.

Blinking away his thoughts, Dean realised Cas had been silent for some time. He wanted to sit closer, the gap between their two chairs felt like miles but something held him back. So instead Dean agitatedly cross his legs, put his hands on his knees and turned to his friend.  
"What do you wanna be Cas?"  
At that Cas' head turned. "Pardon?"  
Dean brought his eyes to meet Cas. His bottle glass blue eyes were darker in the night, his pupils large and black only showing a thin ring of blue for his iris. Dean swallowed. He scooted closer in his seat, feeling the gap between them shorten just the barest of inches as he spoke.  
"You said your dad want's you to be a doctor, or a surgeon or whatever, but what do you want Cas? What do you want to be?" _who do you want to be? _Dean thought but did not speak aloud.  
Cas was silent for a long time, his face thoughtful as he gazed toward Dean. "I think I would like to be an artist." He smiled ruefully, looking away. "Though that profession as I have been told is not exactly practical."

"Who cares what you've been told Cas!" Dean said suddenly incensed . He lowered his voice when Cas started back at his abrupt tone but could not ease the restless anger that built within him. "Look I've seen your art okay, I've seen what you draw and its freaking great man-" Cas appeared somewhat unconvinced, so Dean continued his hands fisted tightly into his jean clad thighs. "It's _beautiful_ Cas. And hell it's your life and you shouldn't let your anyone else dictate how you're gonna to live it. You can do whatever you wanna do, be who ever you wanna be that's the thing about choice." A part of Dean, a buried part wondered when this conversation shifted from Dean talking about Cas' career choices, to perhaps something a little more personal and infinitely more complicated.  
"Choice," Cas repeated almost numbly, "is a complicated concept."

Dean tried not to sound confused by Cas' words and his utter resignation to his lack of living his own life. "You won't be at school forever Cas, you'll finish and be of on your own doing your own thing and living your own life, not someone else's. Do whatever it is you want to do. But until then, just live for yourself a little, let loose or something I don't know, just don't end up doing something you don't want to do. You deserve better than that-" _You deserve to be happy._

The silence between them was absolute and deafening, and for a moment Dean worried that he'd said the wrong thing. He especially thought that when Cas came to his feet, standing suddenly right in front of him. He looked taller from this angle now. Still sitting Dean realised he had to tilt his head up significantly just to get a look at Cas' face.

As Dean looked up Cas' expression shifted; he smiled softy, tugging his bottom teeth between his teeth as he met Dean's eye, then trailed his eyes downward for the briefest of seconds to only snap back up to Dean's eyes. Dean sat patiently all the while. The whole incident only lasted seconds long but to Dean it felt much longer.

"We should be heading back." said Cas standing close to Dean, standing within Dean's personal space so much so that his legs were brushed up against Dean's knees, If Dean had stood up then, their faces would have been level, noses almost touching.  
Before Dean could say anything Cas' hand came to lightly press against his shoulder. It was a warm, affectionate yet firm weight against the course outer layer of his leather jacket, but Cas hand was hot, the world was hot or perhaps Dean was feeling so hot that it felt almost as if Cas' handprint would be branded there when he removed his hand. Dean didn't pull back from the touch- as it was still considered a manly, friend sort of touch in his own eyes,- he just let his eyes close, however briefly, at the sensation as the hot feeling settled into a warmth that travelled from his shoulder down into his chest and nestled there, friendly and content.

"Thankyou Dean." Cas said pulling his hand away only to offer it to Dean to help him up a she stepped back.  
"No worries Cas." Dean gripped Cas hand to help him up, even though he didn't need it. Cas' palm was slightly clammy against his own but Dean accounted it to the sudden rise in temperature around them.  
After a while, Dean let his hand go. "Come on Cas." He smiled, clapping Cas on the shoulder. "I'll drive you home."

***  
_That night Dean dreamt of Lisa Brandon…_  
Well at first it was Lisa, grinding her narrow hips against his as she clawed at his back, sinking her hands up and under Dean's shirt to pull it over his head, as she panted and moaned softly against his jaw.  
Lisa morphed suddenly, an action which didn't disturb dream Dean in the slightest. She changed, her hair becoming wavier and more brunette in colour, and as Dean pulled back from the hot kiss, lips pulsing red as he brought her shirt up over her head, letting her supple yet full breasts free from their confines he realised it was no longer Lisa he was with. It was Rachel.

Rachel grinded onto his lap, pushing at his chest making him fall back on to what could have been a couch or a bed for all Dean knew. She slipped her hands over his jean clad thighs, making a deliberate effort to trail hot kisses and licks down his chest as her hands fumbled with the zipper on his fly. Dean steadied her hands, egar for more, for contact for skin against skin as she undid the zip and pulled his jeans down to his knees. Dean felt the rush of wind against his skin and was surprised to find out that dream Dean went full commando in jeans, as his, thick, throbbing cock stood to attention, a small bead of pre-cum bubbling at it's head already.  
Rachel swooped down on him like a pro. And Dean felt his hips arch up as his hand came down to thread into her silky hair. Somehow Dean found himself standing up, jeans around his ankles, with Rachel kneeling between his legs as she took him in again, deeper and hotter this time round.

She hallowed out her cheeks, reaching up and under Dean's dick to fondle his balls in one hand sending Dean into a moaning grunting mess. Her hands were small, fingers nimble as she murmured around his member, almost taking the whole thing to the base as Dean let out a breathy moan of "God, fucking, uh- yes!" .  
Dream Dean was close, so close, the hot sensation of arousal pooling in his gut was reaching critical levels, threatening to burst. The heat from around Dean's cock pulled away quickly. Dean let out a needy whine from the loss, forcing his eyes open to sit up slightly and ask Rachel what was the matter… and that was when his heart stopped.

Cas' face was smirking up at him. His hands rested against Dean, his lips full and red and fucking gorgeous with lipstick that was smudged with spit and pre-cum as he had just pulled off from sucking Dean. It took all of Dean's effort not to cum at the sight. Instead he threaded his fingers through Cas' short hair, massaging his scalp which made Cas practically purr, his blue eyes lust blown and dark like puddles of thick black tar. The thick pool of heat in Dean's gut was joined by a small rythmitic beating in his chest at the sight of his friend looking up at him with his gummy, full smile.  
"Hey." Dean heard Dream him say lamely.  
Cas didn't answer, just smiled, as he reached up placing one hand on Dean's sweaty hip and another around the hilt of this throbbing dick, pinching the base and brushing against his pubes.

Dean let his head fall back and his eyes flutter closed as a whine escaped his licked wet lips. "Ah…_Cas_-" he sighed happily as Cas consumed him once again, but slower and deeper than Rachel did, as if he wasn't just sucking Dean off, but expressing some other, deeper… _something_ through the action. As if this was pleasuring him just as much as it was Dean. He pulled off almost all the way to tease Dean's slit with his tongue before swallowing him again and humming deep and long in his throat till his nose was buried amongst Dean's light pubes.  
Dean was all but an incoherent mess by then, desperate to grab Cas by the back of his head and thrust messily into his perfect, red painted mouth. "Fuck, Cas- Ah, _Yes_!"

Cas smirked from around Dean's member and if that wasn't just the sexiest thing Dean had ever seen in his dreams and in real life he had no idea. He fisted his hands in Cas' hair tighter, feeling Cas hiss and arch at the sensation, as Cas licked and suckled at the underside of Dean's throbbing cock, just as one, spit slicked hand reached around, caressed and rubbed against Dean's balls before continuing on, sliding up and pressing against Dean's puckered entrance curiously, probing, penetrating…  
At that slight touch both Dream Dean and real Dean came in seconds, with mingled moans of _Cas-ah-tiel,_on their lips.

Dean felt like a weedy, pubescent boy as he quickly chucked his sheets into the washer that morning. Feeling groggy, dirty and empty he added the soap to the washer putting it on a spin cycle. He woke up sticky with his own cum about twenty minutes earlier and since then had felt nothing but a growing pit in his stomach. He still had at least an hour or so left before anyone woke up to kick start the new week of school.  
Sam, Dean knew, would be ecstatic considering he would get to see his new girlfriend Jess after a weekend apart.  
Yet as Dean sat and listened to the humming whirl of the machine as it spun cycled his humiliation and confusion away Dean couldn't help that think despite everything that he was feeling. He would still go to school today.  
Because really what better thing is there for him to do now?

***  
_To say it freaked Dean out the third time he had a dream of Castiel in a compromising position would be an understatement._ _It was also around that time that the small, niggly word entered the back of Dean's mind…_  
The one word that stopped him cold in the shower as the boiling water ran in torrents down his back, and his hands tugged roughly along the shaft of his cock, and he envisioned a set of nimble fingers, with bitten nails and calloused palms working him to completion;  
_Gay._

***  
Dean still liked girls; that much he was certain of.

And he didn't think about, or look at any other guys other than Cas now. He felt instantly uncomfortable if he tried to think of other guys in a sexual or -god forbid Dean would even contemplate the idea- a _romantic_ way. But Castiel was… different. Unsettling and unnerving and annoying and cute and endearing and hot…  
And that was perhaps what freaked Dean out the most.  
_Fag._

Jo in the school days following the awkward meeting at the road house with Cas kept on giving Dean these… _looks_. Little glances here and there loaded with innuendo and knowing- almost as if she knew even before all this (Dean would never admit out loud) Cas sex stuff started that something was different about Cas and in turn his friendship with her best friend.  
The looks however did nothing but piss Dean off. Who was already grumpy and irritable to begin with the days following the first bout of Cas associated sex dreams.

Dean sat away from Jo and Ash during lunch period, waiting by the art room in the corridor till the bell sounded signalling the beginning of class. When the teacher arrived (Dean still hadn't bothered to learn her name)- she was at first surprised to see Dean Winchester standing outside her classroom even before she herself got there- she looked to him amused.  
"A bit egar for class today Dean?" She asked.  
Dean just looked to her blankly before shrugging noncommittally.  
She clicked her tongue and unlocked the door, ushering Dean inside as the other classmates begin to arrive. "I am looking forward to seeing your developmental folio in the coming weeks Dean; I hope it's coming along nicely."  
Dean felt himself flinch every time his teacher said the word _coming_. He quickly, almost fled to his spot near the back of the room. Putting his head on his desk in his hands and closing his eyes, not looking up even when Cas came to sit in his usual place opposite him. He even tried not to breathe when he could feel Cas' gaze, like a searchlight on him, only turning away when the teacher began to speak.  
It was only halfway through the lesson when Dean sat up and began to gaze at one of the blank pages in his folio as if it had caused him a personal offence.  
_Fairy, poof, faggot, homo, gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay…_

Two days later in that same class Dean thought of the colour red. The colour of cherry pie, the colour of his new ACDC shirt, the colour of burger ketchup, and the colour of Cas' lipstick.  
In a flurry of jolting movement, he collected the art supplies he needed, opened up his practically empty art book to a double spread of blank pages and began to paint.  
He couldn't help but notice Cas sitting opposite him still, looking up briefly from his own work to Dean's own and smiling.

***  
_Despite Deans own inner awkwardness and turmoil, driving Cas home had become the norm, thankfully for Dean Cas didn't seem to notice the new air of tension that was between them, the way that Dean would no longer hold his gaze for longer than three seconds (having to mentally count it out when it happened), As far as Cas was aware everything was normal and as far as Dean was concerned he was more than glad to let Cas believe that.  
It is in one of these car trips with Sam in the back seat (Dean had called shotgun on Cas' behalf) that Cas first mentions his plans._

"Michael has taken my siblings back up to Illinois to visit my grandmother." Cas said suddenly. As Dean pulled away from the school's parking lot and onto the road. "I believe he intends to convince my father to go with them."  
It was Sam, sitting in the back seat of the Impala who probed further.  
"And you're not going with them?" he asked with all his doey-eyed Sam like kindness- Dean thought petulantly with resentment.  
Cas' eyes flicked up into the review mirror to rest on Sam. "No." He said bluntly. Both Winchester boys had grown accustomed to the bluntness now.  
"Why?"  
"_Jesus, Sammy_!" Dean scolded, ignoring the small grunt of disapproval he received from Cas when he said that. "You don't just go prying into peoples business like that it's rude."

Sam shot Dean a classic bitch face accompanied by a raised brow. Dean knew that if Cas wasn't in the car with them, Sam would have let Dean have it for his snappiness as of late.  
Dean rightfully would have deserved it too.

"It's alright Dean." Cas amended, directing the conversation back to Sam's question. "My grandmother and I, well- my _extended family_ and I have a difference of opinion, several actually and we do not get along as well as I would liked."  
Dean glowering in the front seat pulled up to their houses, and sure enough he could see Cas' family, loading up the family Truckster and happily leaving Cas behind. He didn't bother in hiding the scowl that has begun to form on his face. Ever since the dreams started he'd become increasingly tired and agitated. Though surprisingly less so when Cas was around.  
"So you'll be staying home alone for the long weekend then Cas?" Sam asked innocently. Glancing up to Deans scowling face in the preview mirror. "That's kinda cool."  
"Yes" Cas said but he was smiling. "That is _'kinda cool'_."  
And for that reason alone, and because of Cas' wide smile as he once again thanked Dean and hopped out of the Impala, greeting his family with a smile on his face, that Dean didn't ask him if he wanted to stay at his house for the long weekend.  
And maybe it was also a little bit because he knew a part of him would be happy- _too _happy if Cas said yes.

***  
_Dean wanted to ask Cas why he didn't get along with his extended family in Illinois, he wanted to ask Cas why his father seemed almost disappointed as he placed a hand on Cas' shoulder briefly before uttering a few instructions and leaving in the family car. Dean wanted to ask why Cas' siblings didn't hang out with him at school, even though Anna practically squeezed the life out of him as they prepared to leave, and Michael talked with him seriously acting like his father and touching Cas' shoulder as he two piled into the car._

But most of all Dean wanted to ask Cas why he waited until his family was gone, and the house was silent and dark before he went into his sisters room, took one of her dresses from her closet and tried it on himself- before returning to his small room turning up the classical music and twirling around and around for what seemed like hours, only to collapse on his bed breathless and laughing to himself. Smiling happily, dreamingly, still wearing the dress as he fell asleep with the light on.  
Dean wanted to ask all these things, but he didn't. Instead he watched and couldn't help but notice how wide his friends smile was, even when asleep.  
And a little bit of the tension Dean's had in the last few days melted at the sight. And the voices in his head chanting Fag, and queer and homo became a little softer… if only for a while.

**AUTHORS NOTE:**  
Review :3 


	7. Brother Baggage

_ERMEGWAD!  
Reviews/ Favourites! *munch munch munch* you have absolutely no idea how touched/humbled MOTIVATED I am because of all your continuous acknowledgement and support; truly I never expected to get this much feedback and love for just a simple idea.  
OMG! I just wanna hug you all *hug, hug hug hug, (pass it on).*  
Anyway enough babbling, (I love you all, seriously like how much I love writing or reading or washing dishes instead of drying. )  
I apologise profusely for slow updates, trust that I am typing as fast as I can and updating when I get internet (I live out in the Australia bush so internet connection is hard, and I just started my final year of High school and seriously the amount of work I already have -.- )_

_**IMPORTANT NOTE:**__  
__**1.**__ If you have any idea's opinions or directions you want me to take with this story __**Let me know Via PM **__(if it's something big/private that you wanna keep a secret this can include quotes, character ideas, story development, situations, themes or even Kinks (for the later chapters) If it fits and I can make it work I might just add it in –And give credit where credit is due-) or __**just simply review your ideas.**__All suggestions idea's opinions are under serious consideration from me, All._

_**2.**__ Also how would you guys feel if I added in a few __**Cas pov's**__, I know, I know this is typically thus far a Dean centric pov story but, I've just been playing with a few ideas and want to know what you guys think.  
__**Are there any scenes thus far you would like to get as bonus material from Cas' pov?**__  
Or any other characters for that matter?__**  
**__  
Review and I'll see what I can do.  
Thankyou 3_

***  
Castiel was like a bird let out of its cage while his family was away. As much as Dean could tell from his partially hidden window Cas hadn't taken Anna's dress, nor the shoes nor the makeup off since he was left alone a day ago. He didn't frown not once while he was on his own. Dean wanted to invite him over for- whatever reason he could find just to spend time with the boy. Dean wanted to spend time with this happy, smiling, laughing Cas but found he couldn't. He wouldn't take Cas' temporary freedom from him. He'll let Cas have his space, and see him back on Wednesday when school started back up again. Then, he thought fondly, he'd hopefully be able to pull one of those butterfly inducing smiles from Cas, the one he had been wearing for almost a whole day now.  
The smile that made him look beautiful, not the dress he wore or the shoes or the make-up. It was just Cas.  
Which then filled Dean with an unamed bittersweet feeling. He had to turn away after that, closing his curtains from viewing into Cas' room.  
The boy deserved his own privacy anyway, Dean figured, having to get out of the house as he grew more and more figety (and tempted in just rushing over to Cas' house and sweeping up the smaller boy into his arms- In a completely manly way of course.)

Dean, instead of induldging in his Cas fantasies spent the majority of his time that day with Jo (whom had finally stopped giving him knowing looks and was behaving surprisengly normal), Sam and Ash playing on the X-box and laughing about ridiculous things.

_If he hadn't of given Cas so much space, maybe he would have seen the sleek black car pull up into the Novak's drive way, and a very serious, blonde headed young man stepping out of his car and entering the Novak house without out so much as a warning knock._

***  
_Dean didn't find out the aftermath of Cas' eldest and estranged brother Lucifer's unannounced and completely spur of the moment visit, until later that night when he came home from Jo's house, crawled up to his room exhausted and laid on his bed, feeling content and happy, for the first time in weeks. The dreams had been taking their toll of him, though he wouldn't dare admit it to himself.  
_

The car's tyre's screeched menacingly along the tarmac as it sped from the Novak's driveway, up and over the nature-strip at the front of the home and shot like a bullet out into the night along the usually peaceful street. Dean hearing the screech of the tyres and smelling the burning of tyre rubber shot out of bed, his bare feet slamming against the floor as he was startled. He raced to his window, peering out and could only make out the shining red brake lights of the dark coloured car before it turned a corner and was out of sight.  
Shocked, Dean looked out to Cas' front yard. Dirty car track marks were embedded in the grass, the flowers at the front strip of the house were crushed and trampled by the black cars tyres, the garden- Joshua's garden appeared now as a beautiful painting with an ugly great slash down the middle.

Dean felt like he'd never run so fast in his life.  
His breathe echoed in his head loud and fast, as his legs charged down the stairs, past Sam who was sitting confused by the kitchen table a text book and various other pages laid out in front of him like an offering to some sort of Homework god. But Dean sped past, even when Sam called out to him asking him what was wrong.  
_I don't know. Something's happened to Cas._

Dean couldn't pin point later how he knew Cas was in trouble, he couldn't identify how or why he raced over so frantically, so completely strung out for his friend.  
All he knew was somehow, for some reason Cas needed him.

Dean had never been inside the Novak's house before; he hadn't even been up to their porch before. The house loomed before him, imposing, deathly quiet like the echoing silence after church bells. Dean knocked frantically, all the lights in the house were out, even Cas' bedroom which he had spied from the corner as he ran around the house, searching for any signs of Cas being alright.  
"Castiel!" He called, his voice sounding small even though he was yelling. "Cas its Dean, open up! Cas!"

There was no reply. Dean gripped the doorhandle, twisted it forcefully and tore his way inside.

He gave no thought or concern to the quiet, dark house around him, as far as Dean could tell in the low lighting the house was essentially the same set up as his own, but he paid no attention to the features of the house around him, his soul purpose was up stairs, all his adrenalin all his energy was focused on Castiel Novak's room on the second floor like a laser, so that was where he ran.

***  
The first thing Dean noticed in Cas' room was that it was bigger than it looked from his bedroom window.  
The second thing he noticed was the stagnate stench of alcohol in the air and the shining shards of crimson flecked glass that lay haphazardly on the floor by the door. The vanity mirror, the mirror Dean first got his proper look at Cas' face in was ruined, mutilated strewn across the floor in reflective shards. Two wine bottles were kneeling over drunkenly, their deep red wines spilling languidly to the cream carpeted floor staining it a bright cherry, a bottle of jack and half a bottle of whisky also lay thrown to the floor.  
But the glass... the glass was _everywhere_, smashed into splinters on the floor.

Almost numbly Dean bent to pick up one of the shards with shaking fingers. The jagged edge felt sharp and cool in his hand, the blood smeared across it's edge shone oddly but felt none the less warm and fresh. Dean was hardly aware of having cut himself on the flake till blood started to pool in the palm of his hand as he gripped it tightly, the pain making this all horribly real and not some sort of nightmare.

"Dean." A voice croaked from behind. "Dean what are you doing here?"  
Dean jumped the cut in his hand slicing deeper as he swore, dropping the shard to the carpeted floor as he spun around.

Castiel stood silently behind Dean, his blue eyes dimmed and unfocused as he swayed on his feet. He was no longer wearing the dress- or little of anything else really; just a pair of tight fitting black briefs and his overly large beige trench coat with sleeves of which were stained with something dark. His chest was bare and built like a swimmers, with a thin film of sweat covering his entire body. He was deathly pale, sickly even, his chest smeared with the spilt remnants of spilt alcohol and blood. He was crying his nose running and holding out his arms oddly, the stained dark sleeves of his trench almost reaching up and over his fingers. He still was wearing the remainders of his makeup, his red lips smeared unpleasantly giving him all the horrible appearance of a clown, his eyes looking impossibly big and blue and broken with the blackened smudges of mascara running down his cheeks like rain drops down a window.

"Cas?" Dean croaked taking a step forward, his own pain numbed by the horror he was seeing. "Cas you child, what did you do?"  
"I- Lucifer he, he saw me and- I didn't do it Dean!" Cas cried helplessly his words in his drunken slur sounding hysterical, crazed and barely recognisable as he hiccupped horribly as another wave of sobs swept over him. "I didn't do it, I was just trying to pick up the pieces Dean-" He held out his hands again, pushing his sleeves back furiously. "He saw me, he was so angry. I- I don't know what to do?"

Which was when Dean noticed Cas' hands and fingers and even some of the skin of his wrists was shredded, absolutely torn ragged from the glass that littered the floor. Blood welled freely from the slashes and ran in thick rivets across his skin to sink into the floor.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm so, so sorry." In the span of about two seconds Cas stumbled, falling forward. Dean let out a harsh cry, reaching out to grab his friend. His hand cut deep now burned with the intensity of pain as Cas slumped in Dean's arms, feeling small and light in his arms. Cas shook and shivered violently with the force of his own sobs as he leant fully on Dean, smelling like every type of alcohol under the sun and more.

"Dean, what the hel- Oh my god!" Dean spun, still holding Cas against his body as he rounded on the door. There stood Sam looking smaller than Dean had ever seen him- despite his recent growth spurt. He was staring at first the smashed mirror and bottles on the floor than at Cas crumpled in Dean's arms, his eyes wide and glassy and his mouth hanging open comically that horrifically if the circumstances were vastly different Dean would find slightly funny.

"Shit! Dean? _Cas?_" Sam exclaimed stepping forward, his facing showing all the contours of a crumpled piece of paper as he took in the scene of Cas' room. "What happened?"

Dean had never felt more relieved to see his little brother than in that moment. "Sammy you gotta help me, I don't know what happened but Cas, he cut himself picking up the glass and I just- Christ, he's bleeding out, you gotta help me, I don't know what to do?"  
Sam stepped forward with all the intention of helping Dean lift Cas to his feet. But in that moment Cas just flinched violently in Dean's arms, dug his sweat stained face into Dean's collar bone and cried harder; gripping the sides of Dean's shirt fiercely, knuckles white, as if Dean was the only lifeboat left in a raging storm and Castiel needed him just to stay alive.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" He repeated hopelessly, shuddering in Dean's blood soaked arms. "Please don't... leave me…"

"I'm not gonna leave you Cas. Just try to calm down." Dean soothed his voice shaking as he, lifted one hand to card his fingers through Cas' sweat soaked hair, pulling the plastered dark strands from his face. He let out a shuddering breath. "I'm not going anywhere okay. I'm with you buddy just hold on. Sam-" He called over his shoulder, not looking away from Cas scrunched up face mashed into his shoulder. "Get mom."

Nothing else needed to be said, Sam glassy eyed turned and ran from the room, running back to the Winchester household to collect Mary, while Dean knelt down on the floor; his friend between his arms trying to hold himself together as Cas' moans of anguish turned into moans of pain and whimpers of sorrow that shot through Dean like bullets.

"I'm so sorry Cas." Dean whispered feeling the inadequacy of the phrase like a weight on his heart as it left his lips. "It's alright you're okay, I won't leave you." He squeezed him tighter. "Everything's going to be okay."

Dean hated hospitals. He hated the too clean smell of sanitiser and antiseptic. He hated the incessant chatter of receptionists and the ringing of the phone. He hated moans and grunts he could hear from patients rooms, and he hated the constant glances and whispers he felt directed towards him and Cas, as though the strangers around him were trying to figure out what was wrong enough with Dean that it required him to sit in bustling emergency room. He hated the sting of anticeptic as it was placed over the cut on his hand, hated the fact that he winched as his own cut was attended to.  
"After Cas." Dean had said when at first one of the nurses approached him to take care of his quickly ocngealling bloody hand. "Not until Cas is good."  
Mary had nodded understandably at that, her face had been a ghostly white ever since she had entered Cas room, she had taken control of the situation quickly, ordering Sam to find as some clothes, for Dean to get the now limp and slowley breathing Cas to his feet.

She had been amazing. Dean thought when she had piled him and Cas into the car leaving Sam at home with john who only roused from his bedroom to take care of Sam when Mary came and woke him.  
As they drove to the hospital Dean had pretended not to hear the wavering within his mothers voice as she soothed not only Cas but him as well. He tried not to notice the shaking of her hands against the steering wheel as they pulled into the Hospital's parking lot, nor the way her eyes watered as the Nurses came to take care of both Cas' and Dean cuts. Dean really hated hospitals because his mum had cried inside one.

Now though, doused on a few painkillers, Dean especially hated the crappy abstract art that hung from the walls in a desperate effort to brighten up the place. He had been staring at quite such a painting for the last few minutes, trying to figure out it the smudges of light greens, blues and oranges were meant to be flowers (like the picture title said 'a myriad of flora' or whether it looked more like the vomit of a two year old who'd just eaten up a pack of crayons. So far Dean was going for the latter.

The emergency room waiting area, aside from the one slightly askew, wooden framed painting of the baby vomit, was an essentially bare room. White on white walls rose up around Dean. White from floor to ceiling, which above them was a murky shade of light cream. A few aged chick-magazines lay scattered across the small centre placed coffee table in the middle of the room. An array of pamphlet's ranging from splinting your own wound to identifying depression in teens sat relatively untouched in their small plastic pouches that ran across the full length of the side wall and part way around the corner back out into reception. The chair Dean was sitting on was, hard and plastic with awkwardly placed arm rest's making it particularly hard to hold onto the sleeve of the boys coat beside him.

Castiel Novak was slouched beside Dean. No longer half naked, he still wore his trench coat though and a pair of loose fitting sweats pants and one of Dean's own ratty Band shirts. He was slouched in his seat, with his eyes closed and his head bobbing to the side occasionally as he fell in and out of sleep. His cheeks were still red from the remnants of the alcohol, but his makeup had been removed now since he disappeared into another section of the emergency room followed by the dark headed- relatively hot nurse- and came back almost forty five minutes later with his forearms and fingers bandaged to the elbows and his eyes glazed over in a painkiller induced flush.  
The painkillers were obviously doing their job as Cas suddenly swerved to the side and his head came down apon Dean's arm over the arm rest as he made a small sound halfway between a moan of pain and a sigh of relief.

Dean almost jumped halfway out of his skin at the sudden weight to his arm. But still he didn't say a word. They were the only people in the room right now, he could see his mothers golden mop of sleep mused hair from outside the door, her head bent low as she discussed something with the dark haired nurse a few inches smaller than her.  
_  
They're probably discussing Cas,_ Dean thought vaguely, still not daring to move a muscle as Cas' head rested warmly on is forearm.

Every now and then Cas would shudder violently, clamming up and squeezing his eyes shut, small puff of breath leaving his tightening, now free of lipstick lips. And with ever miniscule movement from his friend Dean tensed up instantly, fearing the worst an outburst, more crying, yelling perhaps. But none of it ever came. After a few minutes though- but what felt like to Dean for hours, Cas spoke for the first time since Dean and Mary had half carried him back to the Winchester's- more so Mary's- Four wheel drive, rugged him up tight in his trench coat (Which he refused to remove no matter the blood stains that now coated the sleeves) and a spare old threadbare quilt which Mary's mother- and Dean's name sake (not that he'd even tell a soul) Deanna had knitted for Dean when he was just a baby.

"Tell me I'm pretty Dean." Cas' voice was small and wavering as his face was smushed in between Dean's elbow and the plastic armrest of the hospital seat as he spoke. Despite his mumbling his words sounded like church bells in Dean's ears. Dean apprehensively looked away from the painting in front of him to glace to Cas' slightly curling with sweat mop of unruly hair to- despite himself and despite how fucked up this entire situation was- a half hearted smile.

"You're just- God- you're awesome Cas." Dean's reply sounded stinted and hallow even to his own ears as the door to their room opened and Mary, as well as the older hotter nurse woman stepped through.

As soon as the words left Dean's lips he felt Cas shudder. His muscles tensing fully as he bit his bottom lip his eyes closed- it could have been the pain or it could have been the words Dean wasn't sure but he felt guilt for it none the less, sick and low in his gut, twisting and churning up his insides yet the pain was laced with something more- always something more when it had to do with Cas.. Because despite what he had said, It sure as hell wasn't what Dean wanted to say, and it wasn't what Cas wanted to hear- but, as both Mary and the mystery nurse approached them, and as Dean's throat clogged up with the real words he wanted to say, Dean figured it would have to be enough for now.

***  
"Is there anything I can get you hunny?" The pretty dark hair nurse asked Cas as she crouched in front of the pair, having finished her conversation with Mary Winchester. Dean read her name tag and cast her an appreciative glance; her name was Pamela.

"Some more pain medication ideally." Cas mumbled, sitting up in his seat. Dean's arm felt strangely cold without Cas' head resting on him, absently he drew his arm closer to his body as he watched Cas and Pamela's conversation.

Pamela just smiled warmly and patted Cas on his knee. Dean shifted uncomfortably as he saw Cas flinch slightly. Pamela didn't seem to notice, or simply ignored it however her eyes shifted to Dean fondly as she grinned kindly.

"At least you have your friend to take care of you." She assured Cas.

Dean can't help but look to Cas at that moment, but for once his gaze isn't met by the wide blue eyes, which now are downcast and dark, looking down at his shoes.  
"Yeah-" Dean answered instead, nudging Cas gently with his shoulder to rouse the guy out of this stupor. "- Come on Cas you can stay with me tonight."

***  
The car was deathly silent for the entire drive back. Dean sat in the passenger seat, with Cas in the back. It wasn't until Mary ushered Dean and Cas back inside the Winchesters home when anyone spoke.

"Oh, Samuel." She said affectionately, walking ahead of Dean into the lounge. Dean followed his mum soon after making sure to keep a firm grip on Cas' arm as he half pulled half supported beside him.

There lying on the couch, with a half empty cup of coffee till steaming on the arm of the couch laid Sam. He was spread languidly along the couch, his mouth half open in a snore as he slept obviously waiting up for them.

Dean felt a warm swell of affection for his little brother then, and without thinking squeezed Cas' arm in response. Cas half asleep on his feet stood slightly behind Dean, his expression blank as he observed the youngest Winchester make a sniffing noise and turn his head deeper into the couch cushion.

Mary let out a soft, shaking laugh, reaching down to stroke her son's shaggy hair from his forehead. Sam made a tired whiney snuffling sound as Mary woke him, rousing him from his sleep. He sat up fully, blinking when he saw Dean and Cas standing by the end of the couch.

"Dean, Cas." Sam said, smiling sleepily toward the pair, as he yawned his mouth wide. "Hey are you okay now?"

"Sam you should be in bed." Mary insisted helping her son up from the couch with a gentle tug.

"Come on, anything else can wait till morning."

Sam, to Dean seemed too far gone in his sleepy state to even seem to hear anything going on around him. He stumbled forward then, passing Dean to stand in front of Cas. Dean watched warily, in different circumstances he might have laughed at the sheer height difference that was starting to occur between Sam and Cas. _Jesus Sammy soon you might even be bigger than me._ Dean thought affectionately.

"I'm glad you're alright Cas." Sam mumbled sleepily but none the less earnestly. Dean watched transfixed as his younger brother rested his hand on Cas' shoulder. "You're a good guy, man."

Cas' eyes through the whole encounter had widened, his mouth slightly open in surprise before his gaze softened into something like guilt and gratitude. In that moment Dean just wanted to bundle Cas up to his chest and protect him from the world.

"Thankyou Sam." He whispered his voice sounding even more horse than his usual gravelly tone.  
And something in Dean warmed in the sight.

Sam nodded, or more so his head felt so heavy with sleep that it drooped forward, almost touching Cas'. He squeezed Cas shoulder once, before drawing away and following Mary's soft ushering outside the lounge.

"Castiel," Mary began turning to Cas and Dean, her hand softly placed on the back of Sam's head guiding him back to his room. "There's a guest bedroom just down the hall from Dean's-"

"No Cas is sleeping with me." Dean interrupted his mom, stepping slightly closer to Cas' side. Dean flushed horribly at realising his words; he turned his eyes away from Mary and looked down at his shoes, which were boring. "Cas is sleeping in my room, I mean. With me… in my room."

Cas turned to Dean then, it was the first time he had done so since they had been at the hospital. "Dean the guest room is fine-"

"No, seriously Cas I can sleep on the floor or something, alright. My beds more comfortable anyway." _I just can't leave you alone right now Cas. I'm scared you'll hurt yourself again._  
Cas stared determinately despite his exhaustion at Dean, but Dean did not back down. It wasn't until Mary spoke that either one looked away,  
"I'll just let the two of you sort that out hum?" She said, with a raised brow. Sam slumped sleepily against her. Muttered something under his breathe but sounded like 'ret a goom' but Dean wasn't entirely sure.

"Sure come on Cas." Dean urged, not even turning around ot see if Cas was following him up the stairs.

Dean closed his bedroom door softly behind Cas as they entered the room, when he turned back around Cas was standing stiffly, swaying slightly on his feet by the side of Dean's bed.  
"Sit." Dean said, perhaps a little more gruffly than he intended. Regardless Cas sat anyway like Sam obviously too tired to argue.  
"Lie down." said Dean softening his voice till it was barley over a whisper. Again Cas obeyed lying as stiff as a plank of wood against the bed, not uttering a word nor looking to Dean.

Dean sighed, rubbing his hand over his face as he sat down on the side of the bed. He reached over carefully, pausing just slightly as he rested his hand on the edge of the bed.  
"Cas, you can't sleep in that thing." He said more so to himself than actually Cas. Cas was silent and unmovable though and Dean just let out a puff of air, swallowing past the lump in his throat as he nudge Cas' side with his elbow.  
"Scooch dude." He said hoping that if Cas was uncomfortable with the situation that he'd at least voice his concerns. Instead Cas just mumbled something under his breath, shifting his weight sideways with a slight wince as he moved his white bandaged forearms.  
Dean lay stiffly beside Cas, his arms pressed against his sides like a toy tin soldier. The act wasn't platonic, but it wasn't romantic. It was Castiel breaking and Dean just trying to gather up all the falling pieces and hold them together. He was too tired to move tired to think, the event's and exhaustion of today finally were beginning to take their toll but no matter how long he stayed lying beside Cas he couldn't seem to fall asleep.

After a moment or so Cas spoke out of the darkness. His voice was weighed lower with sleep and he slurred slightly in his speech; "Dean, if yoo, if you want, ah I could- I mean-"  
"Go to sleep Cas." Dean huffed in reply. Lying on his back rather then his usual side. Castiel however just breathed heavily, before turning on his side with his back facing Dean.

Dean tried not to feel rejected. This is not how he imagined sharing his bed with Castiel James Novak for the first time. He wanted to wrap his arms around Cas, push his face into the crook between his neck and shoulder, breath him in and just feel his body against his own. He wanted to hold Cas and wake up still holding him. There were just a few moments like this when Dean didn't care whether he was gay or not. Whether what he wanted was gay. It was in these moments that he didn't want men or women, just Castiel. Only Castiel.

But Dean was never really gifted with getting the things he wanted.

***  
When Dean awoke sometime early the next morning both himself and Cas were in exactly the same positions as they were last night, lying stiffly beside each other with a five centimetre gap between them. Cas' back was still facing him but now instead of his arms being on the blanket just beside Dean's his bandaged arms were wrapped tightly around himself, as if in the night it was the only thing he felt he was allowed to hold.

Dean turned his back on the other heavily sleeping teen, dug his face into his pillows and tried to go back to sleep.

***_  
Mary Winchester didn't ask any questions when later the next day she found herself cooking breakfast pancakes for one extra person to be taken up stairs to her eldest son's bedroom. She didn't ask questions when Dean's shirt from the other horrible night turned up in the wash with the shoulder streaked with several familiar black smudges that over the years she has had all to much experiencing in removing . She knew for a fact that the mascara was going to stain. She didn't ask any questions when Dean stayed home the whole of the next day in his room. Only coming down for the occasional toilet break or the less than occasional snack collection, before hording all of his goods, enough to feed two young boys back up to his room with a grateful somewhat wavering smile._

Mary Winchester didn't ask any questions because she knew that her son was not ready to tell her the answers just yet.

****

ANOTHER (SORRY) AUTHORS NOTE  
  
_Would you prefer it if I updated more frequently with shorter chapters (1500-2500 words)  
Or stuck with updating longer chapters less frequently?_


	8. Recovery

**AN:**  
_I never said that this was a fluff story, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to specify the angst, I apologise for the upcoming angsty chapters but stand strong, Dean and Cas are meant to be together…  
Sorry, guys…But this will be the last fluff stuff for a while..._

***  
If there was one thing Dean hated being it was frustrated; particularly with school work though that was not the problem here. No, the problem was in the shape of a sixteen year old boy, with unruly dark brown hair and a milky complexion, who's eyes, Dean always thought were this strange shine of light sky blue at times, at other times they seemed almost dark like the sea still at night reflecting the star shine from and equally dark sky-  
Not that Dean paid all that much attention or anything- especially now when the most he could see of Cas was the back of his mattered head as he lay face down on Dean's bed, unmoving almost appearing to be not breathing.

"Cas, man you've gotta eat okay. I know it's not Ellen's burgers or anything but, I can make a mean ham sandwich if you just have a taste." Dean tried to make his voice light, as he looked down to his friend, star-fished across his bed, Cas' bandages looked heavy and weighted as his arms hung limply over the sides of the bed. Ever since they'd woken up the entire Winchester household had been walking on egg shells around it's new guest. Dean perhaps not so much as Mary, Sam, be he was trying none the less.  
It was just _frustrating_.

It was like trying to talk to a brick wall; Cas had been laying there, all day and hadn't even sniffed the air when Dean had brought up some pancakes his mum had made them both. But that wasn't to say Cas hadn't been polite in his refusal of the breakfast in bed- which was perhaps what scared/annoyed Dean the most.  
Cas was just… _numb_- like he'd shut down or something and was running on reserves only. It actually made Dean wish he'd- hit something, swear cry just do _something. _Anything instead of speaking levelly in that deadpanned voice of his, saying please and thankyou and acting as though the entirety of the disaster that was last night was nothing more than a bad memory.  
And maybe to Cas it was.

Dean was standing by his own bed, feeling like an intruder in his own room as Cas lay there unmoving. In his hand he held a single ham and cheese sandwich which he had taken the time to make himself- just so Cas would eat _something_.

"I apologize Dean, I just am not hungry." Cas mumbled his words muffled by the pillow smothering his face. "I'm just…very _tired_."  
Dean's felt his voice strain, "Don't be sorry Cas, just be-" _What? Angry. Upset. Normal. Cas again_? Dean didn't know anymore.  
Dean threw his hands up in the air, the sandwich almost slipped from the plate he still held as he let out a martyred sigh. "Okay, I'm not your dad or anything. so-" He shifted his weight first sitting on the side of the bed, then nudging Cas lightly (at least he hoped so, trying not to let his frustrations get the better of him) to the side as he swung his feet up and shuffled up the bed.  
The move Dean pulled next was completely not his intention, and was entirely because of the way Cas now, lifted his head to look up at him.

Without a second thought on the matter Dean placed the plate down on the dresser and sat up against the bed's headboard. His arm's gripped up and under Cas' armpits as he dragged him closer, Cas made a small grunting sound but not the less did not complain or try to move away as Dean brought him flush against his chest, leaned down slightly so that if Cas was to lean his head back it would rest squarely on Dean's shoulder. Cas' torso was a warm expanse of the t-shirt he had borrowed from Dean and muscle, he fit snugly there- a part of Dean noted absently with Dean being slightly larger and Cas, slouching against him anyway- they fit together quite well- perhaps a little too well.

It took a moment or so for Dean to realise what he did as he accidently dropped his hands from around Cas' arms to his waist, almost encircling him fully. It took another moment or two for Dean to actually collect enough salvia into his mouth to utter a sound. "Get some sleep. You can eat after." He said, giving Cas' warm, slim waist a perfectly platonic and manly pat before shifting his arms to cross behind his head to keep them from quiver-_shaking_ furiously.  
_If he didn't want it he'd move away._ Dean panicked, his palms grew sweaty as they clasped the back of his neck tightly. _I'm not taking advantage of him, I'm just- shit, shit, shit what the fuck am I doing?_

Pulled out of his cycle of panic,Dean gave a small jolt as he felt Cas' muscles relax almost instantly as he lent into Dean's chest, shuffling slightly to turn himself more inwards toward Dean he made a small contented sound, but still looked up to him as he answered;

"Dean-" His voice gravel-laced voice was stripped raw with exhaustion, but Dean could see his own flickering uncertainty mirrored in Cas' eyes. "Dean I-"  
"If the words coming out of your mouth are not 'Dean I think I'll try your awesome sandwich now,' or 'Thankyou Dean you're awesome and I'll eat something after.' I don't wanna hear it. Capice?"  
"Yes, I… I capice." Cas nodded turning his face from tilting up to rest his cheek against Dean's shoulder, his slowly steadying breath puffing rhythmically and warmly against the skin of Dean's neck.

It was probably minutes but felt like hours to Dean when he felt Cas' bandaged arms tentatively begin to situate themselves around his waist. He flinched ridiculously, but not enough to rouse Cas from his half sleep. Cas mumbled something, for all Dean knew he could have been reciting quotes from the bible, but by the small sigh he released at the end of his words, Dean guessed the gist of what his friend was muttering.  
"No worries Cas." He said, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

Dean wasn't how long he sat there with Cas asleep against him, but strangely enough it didn't feel so long as the minutes ebbed to twenty then forty five; Dean in that time just watched the steady rise and fall of Cas' chest, the way the lines around Cas' eyes would smooth out as his lips parted just a little. Each exhalation Cas gave was as soft as a sigh. Dean had never seen Cas this- untroubled before, it was daunting and rather nice to see him so relaxed, and of course it didn't hurt to have the other boy pressed tight against him. Dean did questioning the sanity of the situation however every time Cas' eyes would scrunch slightly, his nose wrinkling as he pushed his face flush against the skin of Dean's neck as his healing fingers twitched and fisted themselves into the skin of Dean waist through his shirt pinching slightly.

Suddenly though, Cas' fingers loosened, his breathing changed and as Dean looked down he was met with wide blinking blue eyes looking up at him, and Dean knew in the moment with heartbreaking certainty that Cas had forgotten all about the events of the previous night if only for a second or two.

"Hello Dean." Cas said, his voice lower than Dean had ever heard it sent shivers up his spine. "I think im ready for that _awesome _ham and cheese sandwich now." He said groggily.

Dean could only smile down at him. "Sure thing." he said turning slightly, Cas' grip around him was still tight and warm. Dean reached over to the nearby bedside table and plucked the hopefully still good sandwich up on it's plate and placed it on his lap nearest to Cas, who had detached his arms from Dean's waist with a slight wince as he righted himself, and took to the sandwich with a renewed fervour that Dean had only ever seen him apply to Ellen's Burgers.

Afterwards Cas did agree that the ham and cheese sandwich was not one of Ellen's burgers, but he assured Dean that it was the next best thing.

_***  
John Winchester didn't ask any questions when the day after spending the better half of the week working himself into exhaustion; he found one extra boy sitting down at his table, wearing one of his eldest son's old shirts, with bandages donning his arms and listening adamantly to his wife as she blithered on about the importance of adding milk to the egg mixture when making French toast. He didn't question it when the boy contributed to the chores around the house, much to Mary's shocked delight and his son Dean's chagrin. How despite them having a completely furnished, comfortable spare guest room the boy still stayed in Dean's room with Dean- despite neither of the two, to John's own knowledge, asking for any extra blankets or pillows or even a mattress to make a second bed for him.  
John Winchester didn't ask questions because he knew it was really none of his business, at least not until Dean told him otherwise.  
_

***  
"You don't have to work or anything Cas you're not a slave, your supposed to be resting." Dean could have sworn Sam sniggered from his position on the couch, listening in to their conversation from the lounge.

Cas had officially been inside the Winchester home for a full twenty four hours and already things had changed drastically. Dean had awoken from his bed alone, no longer with Cas' body in the bed beside him. At first Dean had been filled with sickening panic, threw himself out of his bed, raced down the stairs and skidded to a halt in the kitchen doorway when he caught sight of an disorderly mop of dark brown hair standing by the stove as a pan of bacon sizzled on the hot element.  
"Cas." Dean breathed, relief flooding through him as he entered the kitchen, jumping slightly as the cool tiles pressed against his bare feet. "Man you had me-" He stopped suddenly blinked once, did a double take then blinked again.

Cas had turned to face him, wearing another of the T-shirts Dean had lent him, and a pair of dark coloured jeans. But tied around his waist is Mary's own apron. It's pink and pastel coloured flowers stand out strikingly against the dark colouring of Dean's clothes on Cas. The apron's frilly around the edges and lacy at the large pocket in the front and it's just so utterly- pink, that it makes the corners of Dean's kick up in a pleasantly pleased smile.

"Red's more your colour Cas." Dean murmured as Cas stared back at him, his eyes widening as he seemingly not have heard Dean.  
There was a loud forced cough from the corner of the room that had Dean spinning on the balls of his feet. Sitting at the kitchen table was none other than a freshly pressed, ready to go Mary Winchester, and Sam sitting opposite her smirking blatantly towards Dean and Cas, looking far too pleased with himself this early in the morning.

"Ah Dean." Sam began, looking towards Dean with the smuggest of bitch-faces he could pull off at such a young age. "You might want to put on some pant's bro-"

Dean looked down at his own silk boxers, vaguely remembering as some point in the night lying next to Cas' on the bed- still the five centimetre gap between them even after the nap the other day- that he had felt blistering hot under the covers. And in an attempt to remain close to Cas while cooling off a bit he'd taken his pyjama pant's off- Something he hadn't exactly let Cas in on before hand.

But Dean even in his mortification wasn't watching Sam, or his Mom's highly amused stares, but instead he found his gaze glued to Cas.

Cas was staring much like the day all those weeks- months now when he had walked in on Dean shirtless, and Dean far more clothed than he was than felt instantly more aware of the heat in Cas' gaze, of the way he licked his lips eyes trained on Dean who traced the movement with his eyes, his face and neck flushing hot, while his toes curled into the cool kitchen tiles.

"Hello Dean." Cas said, and if that didn't just wake Dean up completely in that moment he wasn't a born and raised Kansas boy with the hots for his socially awkward next door neighbour.

Dean had muttered something he couldn't remember in that moment, scurrying away from Cas' lazer like focus and his families laughter. He had never been more humiliated and more quickly turned on in that moment- especially since it was something so innocent, some completely normal for most people-  
But there was something about Cas that just boiled his blood from the get go.

"I can only rest so much Dean before I go completely insane." Cas said his voice dragging Dean out of his reminisce of that embarrassing morning just past, "Besides, the work I am wilfully achieving is hardly slave labour." Dean found it increasingly hard to keep his attention on Cas' stubborn face instead of the bright orange feather duster he gripped like a blade in his hand.  
"Dude" Dean began incredulously, "You washed my _mothers car!"_  
"It was in need of washing." Cas explained logically, waving the duster to gesture airily. " You must understand Dean that helping around the house is the least I could do after-" he stopped then, and shook his head, as if trying to physically remove whatever thoughts were within his mind at the time.

Instantly the mood in the room dropped as Cas' face morphed into his shielded expressionless wall, his mask slipped back on easily and far faster than Dean could properly register. The sight made Dean want nothing more than the pull the mask away and kiss senseless whatever Cas lay beneath.  
Dean, stepped closer intent of saying something- offering some sort of comfort, but the thoughts evaded him like buying a winning lotto ticket and instead It was Cas who spoke first, effectively changing the shift in conversation.  
"Your mother is teaching me how to make pie." He said, facing away from Dean to attend to the dusting of the TV monitor and around it's plugs, Dean hadn't even seen his mother Mary ever dust around there.

At Cas' words Dean's head was instantly filled with the image of the domestic- apron wearing Castiel from that morning, as well as several other Cas' he had perhaps dreamed about on occasion doing fairly creative and particularly sensual things with all his favourite types of pie.  
"Yeah?" Dean asked casually, at least he hoped it sounded casual. "What kind of pie."

Cas put down the duster for a second, maybe noticing the lowering in Dean's voice, though Dean hoped not, it would be awkward to explain to Cas that he kinda-maybe-sorta has a crush on him and thinking about Cas making pie, was perhaps the sweetest, sexiest fantasy Dean's ever had of his friend.

"Apple pie, I believe." Cas said completely none the wiser that Apple pie was Dean's all time favourite pie, at least Dean assumed so. "Your mother is out buying the ingredients now, to make the Apple pie, we're baking today."  
"I enjoy the act of baking," Cas continued, "though I usually only do so for my family. I enjoy the motion of my hands-" Dean's gaze flicked down to Cas' slender hands than back up between his mouth and eyes. "Kneading my hands through the mixture. I find it relaxing, almost _sensual_." Cas admitted with a small one shouldered shrug. And was it's Dean's imagination or had Cas' voice lowered a few octaves too.

"You know pie is my favourite thing around right Cas?" Dean asked as he licked his own lips, realising their faces were quite close. "Apple pie is my favourite."  
"I've never had Apple pie before." Cas admitted, his gaze flickering from Dean's eyes to his lips, holding them for a moment before repeating again. "Perhaps I will just have to taste some of this Apple pie, just to see what I'm missing."

"You're missing out on so much Cas. Pie is amazing."

"I'm sure it is." Cas agreed his voice stupidly deep. "I look forward to baking it for you Dean."  
Dean, closed his eyes for a second, raised his chin and stared at Cas head on. "Do you mind if I watch you?" He asked hopefully, "You know, make the pie."

"If you wish to help Dean, I would not say no." Cas said his blue eyes dark in the low lighting of the lounge, but in a second or the mood was broken by the sound of one little brothers interjection.  
"I'll watch too Cas, make sure Dean keeps his hands to himself and doesn't eat the whole thing."

Dean groaned internally, snapping his eyes away from Cas and the moment to glare at the back of his brothers head over the couch. Silently scolding himself for forgetting the younger Winchesters presance.

"I do not think Dean's hands would be of any hindrance to me, Sam, infact quite the opposite-" Cas said, to which Dean spun back around instead only being met by the back of Cas' head as he earnestly returning to his dusting, though he didn't turn to face Dean his next words were directed to him. "You would benefit from the lesson Dean. Though your Ham and Cheese sandwiches are renown-" Dean smirked slightly at Cas teasing, "-waking up to a pie would be a much more impressive display of your culinary skills."

"I'll- ah, keep that in mind Cas." Dean said casually, feeling the eat within him dampen somewhat as Cas replaced him with dusting- much to Dean's own pleasure he had to have a shower anyway, a hot- hot shower right in the middle of the day too.

The room was charged and prickling against Dean's all to sensitive skin as he left Cas to it, passing Sam still seated reading on the couch he wacked his brother upside the head. When Sam had protested vehemently Dean just shrugged saying nothing. Though in his mind he cursed a pox apon the cockblock and vowed to at some stage sneak some baby pictures of Sammy into Jess' locker at school.  
Yeah, that would teach him.

About half an hour later when Mary Winchester arrived home with the pie ingredients a freshly showered Dean all but lunged on to her and gave her the biggest hug he could ever remember giving her. He told himself it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she had offered to teach Cas to bake pie and everything to do with just how awesome a mom she really was.

***  
_Sam Winchester didn't ask questions on the third day of the four day weekend and the second full day Castiel Novak was present in their home. The day that Cas started to act somewhat close to normal again. Well normal for him. Sam didn't ask questions when Cas sheepishly smiled, blushing happily when Dean was stuffing his face with the last of the Applw pie they made the day earlier, practically moaning around the fork like it was the best thing in the world. Needless to say sitting around those two and pie was an awkward experience for one Sam Winchester. _

_He didn't ask questions when he had to go to bed at eleven yet Dean and Cas did not. He didn't ask about the way that his Mom and Dad talked in hushed whispers amongst themselves the next morning; glancing between Dean and Cas who must have fallen asleep on the couch the previous night after Sam was forced to bed. _

_Cas was asleep, propped against Dean's side, his head not resting but almost touching Dean's shoulder as he snored softly. Dean, deep in sleep, was leaning against the couch, one arm around Cas' shoulder and his legs tucked almost beneath him in a position that to Sam looked extremely uncomfortable. He didn't ask questions when he saw their fingers were threaded together in sleep, or when Dean woke up first, unknowing of his audience, and looked down at Cas with a smile and an expression Sam had never seen on his older brothers face before. An expression that could only be interpreted as Dean thinking, however subconsciously, that Cas was it, the be all and end all and that it was a complete miracle that Dean was able to wake up beside him.  
Sam Winchester didn't ask any questions, because he was pretty sure he already knew the answers, even if Dean and Cas didn't realize them yet._

***  
Waking up to Cas propped against his side was perhaps the best thing to happen to Dean in a long time.  
Perhaps the not so best thing was when he realized he was on the couch, in the loungeroom, where just about anyone could walk down and see him-them.

This thought was instantly forgotten however when Dean tried to move away from Cas, yet Cas' still healing arms came to wrap around his waist holding him still.  
_"Stay."_ Dean was not sure if it was his subconscious talking or if in his sleep Cas had breathed out the word but he stayed regardless. And just so Cas knew he was here with him, _for him_, Dean placed his hand beside Cas' before joining them and threading their fingers together.  
It was not the most comfortable position nor sleeping arrangement Dean had ever been in, but he was at peace and asleep in seconds.

_**AN:**__  
I'm sorry for the long Authors notes I do, haha I'm still very new to all this __  
Same stuff still applies, have anything you want to add to the story PM/Review me._

And thanks for those who tirelessly give me their thoughts and opinions:

**Sam-and-Dean-should-kiss****:** _Your comment's always make me Squeal… with glee of course! Lucifer has a bigger role to play yet. This story- if you guys want me to continue it for the long haul- is far from over! I have big plans. (*plots and schemes vehemently*.)__  
_  
**kittens-and-rainbows****:** _Gah! Kittens and rainbows two of my favourite things! I'm so glad you like my writing! As the great prophet, Chuck said: 'Writing is hard.' But you guys make it worth it!  
_  
**Haven-Holmes:** _Awesome Name, thanks for all the reviews! And I'll keep writing if you keep reading ;)_

**Partyalpaca: **_You've been in it since the beginning and I love you for it!__I'm glad you're enjoying the story progression and your thoughts/advice are always deeply appreciated by me!_

_If I missed any of you regulars I'm insanely sorry, and love you to bits as well!  
_


	9. AUTHORS NOTE- sorry, not a new Chpt

I'M SORRY THAT THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE  
But I will be updating again soon, I'm sorry I haven't I've just had a really bad couple of weeks, but this story will continue, I'm sorry if I have disappointed/pissed off some of you but I just really needed the break from everything.

I will be updating, have no fear and hopefully my writing hasn't gone to crap with everything that has been happening.  
I will have the next chapter up by the end of the week.

Thank you for your patience/support and i'm sorry


	10. wake up call

_**I'm sorry this took so long guys, but i just want you guys to know that as long as you keep reading, i'll keep writing :) And I really appreciate all the thoughts and messages you've sent me! x**_

_**God, sometimes i love this fandom, (you guys!)  
**_

_**Enjoy and let me know what you think :)**_

***  
_Dean Winchester, unlike his family had questions.  
He had tried countless times to get Cas to answer his questions. And countless times, Cas had avoided giving a straight answer, either distracting himself or diverging the subject completely._

But the worst times was when Cas seemed to shut down, which often happened when they were alone- at night lying on Dean's single bed facing each other still with that simple five centimeter gap between them which to Dean -like tonight- felt like miles.

"Cas," Dean began turning on his side to face Cas. The darkness of the room cloaked the both of them, even lying this close Dean could only see the lines of Cas' face if he looked hard enough, could imagine the blue of his eyes in his own mind.  
"Man, you gotta tell me what happened over at your house the other night."

Cas' family would be back from Illinois sometime tomorrow. Cas didn't particularly know the specific time and Dean didn't particularly care when. All he knew was that Castiel was here now, and the time they had spent together over the last few days was sliding full pelt to its conclusion.

Things would be different when they got back to school. Dean wouldn't delude himself into thinking any different.

Cas just shrugged in reply- and Dean couldn't help feeling that he'd copied that from him.

"Cas I'm serious. What happened back there?"

"Dean, please. I don't want to talk about this now." Came Cas' reply, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just want to sleep, Dean. Please let it lie."

"I can't let it go Cas. You're my friend and I-" _care about you._

Dean snapped his mouth shut, turning off of his side then to lay on his back staring up to the darkness of his own ceiling. Before breathing out a sigh at Cas' expectant silence and trying again.

"What are you going to tell your family man? You don't think they'd notice the stiches? The mess you made of your room?"

It had taken Dean and Cas a little over three hours earlier that day to clean up what was left of the stains and the broken glass in Cas' room. Every time Dean had looked down to the mess around them, seeing the darker blotches of carpet and knowing what made those stains, he felt increasingly ill. Cas at the time just approached the scene without even battering an eyelid, and tackling the situation with the same firm mix of determination and sobriety that he approached with school work. And though they had barely talked during the whole ordeal, Dean had felt that Cas was glad for his company. Hell, Dean would even go as far as to say Cas had liked (as much as he could given the circumstances) him being there. Helping him in his time of need.

And _damn_ it felt so good to be needed. To have _Cas_ need him.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence Dean heard Cas sigh, and twitched slightly at the weight of a hand resting against his arm. With a sudden awareness Dean could feel a finger- Cas' finger, absently tracing circles against his skin, skirting no higher or lower than the space just a few centimetres above Dean's wrist, and a few centimetres below it, brushing against his palm.

"Did you know if you look through your window in a certain position you can see right into my bedroom?" Cas' deep voice was weighed with exhaustion and the beginnings of sleep as he rather untactfully changed the subject.

Dean was glad for the darkness so Cas wasn't able to make out his sudden guilty flush.

"Really?" He asked, supressing the beginnings of a small smile on his lips. "That's kinda weird."

Cas just grunted back. But still his fingers remained pressed firmly against Dean's hand, tracing invisible circles, that slowly turned to loops and swirls. His touch wasn't hot but rather pleasantly warm and light with gentle strokes. It took all of what Dean had in him not to twitch his fingers or grab a hold of Cas' hand, to stop him from distracting Dean from the whole point of this and to stop him from burying everything inside and expressing himself.

Which, a part of Dean couldn't help but think was a little hypocritical of himself. Besides if Cas wanted to pretend like nothing had happened then _fine_. If he was gonna deflect and lie and be happy with that then who was Dean to stop him? Maybe it would make Cas not happy but content to live his lie if only for a little while longer.

And if in the privacy of Dean's own room if Cas' simple touch was the last thing he could remember feeling before falling asleep, then good for him. It was no one else's damned business.

***  
_Cas had his fingers wrapped lazily around Dean's cock, slick with pre-come he began to stroke slowly, teasingly. All Dean could do in that moment was to tilt his head, arch his back and allow for the needy, completely wrecked and unrecognizable moan to bubble up from his throat._

If Dean had a coherent thought at the moment he would have thought that noise was most defiantly unmanly.

"Cas" he whined, curling his hands tighter around Cas' neck, stroking and gripping the fine hair there. "Cas I gotta, nm, Ah, AH! Please Cas, please! I can't-"

"Let it go Dean." Cas whispered huskily, his voice shaking with his own arousal as he pumped  
Dean quicker, swiping the pad of his finger over the head of Dean's dick before leaving it to tease lightly at the slit. His other hand reached between them, to roll Deans sac between his fingers making Dean practically whine and buck his hips faster into Cas' waiting hand.

"I've got you Dean. I'll always have you Dean..." He whispered leaning down close, just as Dean approached the precipice of his orgasm.

"Dean-"

"Dean… _Dean?_"

Looking back, Dean could pinpoint the exact moment of him waking up as being the exact moment when everything went to shit, because really that was generally what happened in his life. He'd be lulled into a false sense of security, become at ease and relaxed happy even- and then in the blink of an eye- _poof_ he'd wake up from a sex dream about one of his best friends, while sleeping in the same bed as said best friend and everything would go to well, shit.  
_  
_"Cas?" Dean's throat felt suddenly hoarse as he whispered unsurely in reply, suddenly- the haziness of the dream and sleep began to ebb away as Dean felt a different type of heat than the heat from his aching-to-be-touched-dick, flood his face; a heat so fierce it felt as if actual flames were scorching his skin.

The five centimetre gap that Dean had always been so careful to keep between them while they slept in a bed together was gone, non-existent, erased.

Somehow in the night Dean had pressed his body up against Castiel's, his arm was around Cas' waist, as heavy as an anchor and his front was placed firmly flush against Cas' back. Their legs were twined, he could almost imagine feel the coarse hair on Cas' legs brush against his now too sweltering sweat pant clad legs- but more importantly than that, more devastatingly, embarrassingly and horrifically more prominent than that was the feel of Dean's own hard and throbbing cock against the curve of Cas' ass and hip.

"Oh, God." Dean sucked in a tight breath, his eyes fluttering close as he felt the head of his cock brush against Cas' lower body, and drag against the thin cotton of both their clothes as he tried to move away tried to make the delicious torture stop- _right now._

"Oh. Shit, _shit_."

"Dean?" Cas repeated his voice a gravelled half whisper, barely audible over the sound of Dean's blood boiling in his ears.

The back of Cas' head was merely inches from Dean's face. His breath came out in hot puffs against the skin of Cas' neck, blowing against the fine hairs that curled at the nape of his neck with a thin layer sweat. Cas' hair was dishevelled, flat on one side and pointing out in all the directions of a compass on the other side.

Without even having to see his face Dean knew he was very much awake and blushing horribly; for his neck was flushed a bright flaming red. Dean withdrew and couldn't hold back the small sound that escaped his lips, his cock aching from the loss of friction that was Cas' body. That same moment Cas shifted his weight to turn, propped up on his elbow to face Dean, positioning just as close- if not even closer than before.

Dean felt his gut drop to his toes, his heart stutter and his breathing hitch. Cas' eyes were ridiculously blue and unreadable, wide with what could only be identified as shock and confusion-and they were staring right at Dean as though he had grown a second head and had announced vehemently that he wanted to learn the Rumba.

And it was all so wrong, because their bodies now were facing each other, touching and laying together and instead of the realisation of Cas knowing- of Cas feeling Dean's cock swell against his thigh and ache with want- instead of quelling the heat, Dean felt his cock harden even more in his thin sweat pants and god if he could feel it Cas would be able to feel it too-

Cas' gaze flickered down minutely, his body and shoulders stiffening the moment Dean felt his dick jump to attention at Cas eyes- so freaking blue and-

_Shitshitshitfuckingshitfuckf uckshit. _

"Dean… I-" And god Cas sounded so fucking humiliated and confused in that moment that Dean actually flinched from it as though hit, his eyes squeezing shut because this had to be some sort of night mare-

"Christ, Cas I'm- I'm" Dean Winchester didn't do embarrassed, in fact Dean Winchester didn't fucking dream about his currently hurting and vulnerable guy friend and imagine having sex with him while in the same fucking bed. "Fucking Christ Cas, I'm sorry."

Cas' hand came up to rest on the bare skin of Dean's shoulder, his lips parted as though he was about to say something- tell Dean he was sick and he was wrong and disgusting and how could this of happened?

But before he could utter the words that would surly tear into Dean like bullet holes Dean reacted. Quick as lightning he jerked back practically throwing himself out of bed and across the room in an effort to tear his body away for Cas'.

He somehow found the sense and strength to fling himself from the bed, propel himself with all his willpower away from the bed and Castiel's burning gaze, out the door, grabbing some pants and a shirt from the washing pile on the couch in the lounge room before throwing himself out into the outside world, into his Baby and driving away.

***  
Dean wasn't sure how long he drove, or where he was going, all he knew was that he was a coward and that he was running; getting out of Dodge as far and as fast as he could.

But that was kind of hard to do when you were running on an empty tank of gas.

Dean swore profusely as he practically allowed the Impala- now empty of fuel- to roll to the side of the road not anything more than a couple of miles away from his own front yard.

Dean's hands hurt as he slammed his fist's down onto the dashboard of his baby. "Fuck," he said, but the hurt was good though- zinging right through the ache of embarrassment and penned up lust that happened from waking up from a dream _that good_ and being _that hard_ but unable- unwilling- to touch himself.

"Fuck!" he said again, louder this time. "FUCK! FUCK!"

Dean tore his seat belt loose and wrenched himself from the car.

"Fucking, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" He called, yelled and screamed out onto the empty road around him.

Empty because one; it was the ass crack of dawn (By Dean's standards at least).

And two: because he was a few miles out of two now and heading out to the more paddock residences and land around Lawrence.

Dean ran a hair through his hair and gripped it by the roots trying to calm the fuck down before he broke his freaking toe trying to kick the tyre rim of his Baby. He slumped against the car door and placed his head into his hands muttering small "fuck," as he felt the pounding of his own heart echoing in his head like church bells.

Dean stayed out there like that for several minutes before he reached back into the Impala and grabbed his cell phone which he was just lucky enough to have left in his car the previous day.  
It took another minute of two for him to finally buck up the courage and make the call.

The phone rang for several seconds before being answered. Dean waited patiently as the impatient and irritated voice of Rufus Turner began to speak;  
_  
"Singer Garage and Salvage, do you know what time it is? What the hell do 'ya want?"_

Rufus Turner was one man you didn't want to ever cross in a dark alley. In fact it was possibly best to stay away from Rufus for all intense and purposes unless you happened to have a good bottle of scotch around- if you had that, maybe it'd give you a few minutes to gather up your bearing and get outta there- if not well familiarity and Bobby Singer were the two things that kept Dean afloat when it came to Rufus Turner.

"Rufus ya idgit, get back out there before I knock you down a peg." Bobby roared as Dean sat himself on the edge of Bobby's desk eyeing the older man in the wheel chair half appreciably half worriedly. _Since when was Bobby in a wheel chair?_

Dean could hear the faint sound of Rufus' less than respectful reply as Bobby returned to the front desk.

"_Crazy old coot._" Dean heard Bobby mutter as he haphazardly turned himself around in his wheelchair to face Dean. "Now sit down boy, there _are_ seats here you know."

"Bobby-" Dean began as he obeyed the older man's wishes and sat in the chair opposite the desk, "Jesus, what happened to you?"

"Jesus got nothing to do with it son. "Bobby sighed seemingly irritated, whether at himself or Dean, Dean wasn't entirely sure.

"Went and dropped a bloody engine on my foot." He grunted wheeling past Dean. Facing his desk he gripped the handle of a chipped coffee cup in his hands and brought it to his lips.

When Dean looked down he could see about an inch whiskey swirling in the bottom.

"Shattered several of my toes, the arch of my foot and then some. Rufus 'ere's been helping me around the yard while I'm 'outta commission'. He's a grumpy old bastard though- don't know the first thing about cars." Bobby looked up then, eyeing Dean sceptically.

"What type of natural born idgit are you boy to get yourself stranded out in the middle of nowhere at this time in the morning?"

Dean hung his head slightly, a reflex born from viewing the older man as more of an uncle than anything else. "I was ah- distracted, and I just- I wasn't thinking when I left Bobby." _At least not with my upstairs brain._

Bobby cast him a scathing look, and for a brief horror filled moment Dean thought as if the old man could read his mind.

"You look like a mutt whose just been caught pissing on somebodies carpet." Bobby noted promptly shaking his head as he took a gulp from his mug. "Was it a girl thing?" he asked.

_No._ Dean thought, remembering the smooth hard plain of a defiantly male body against his own, the gurgled gravelly voice that sent shivers of heat straight to his groin, the sound of dream Cas' groans above him, and then the completely confused and vulnerable wide eyed stare of the real

Cas who probably hated him now anyway- no, this was defiantly not a _girl thing_.

Bobby's gaze had gone sympathetic and knowing in Dean's silence. "There's no use dwelling on the past now boy." Bobby said puffing out a weighted breathe from between his lips. "Well if you ever wanna talk-"

"I'm fine Bobby." Dean cut in quickly- there was no possible way for him to even begin to imagine himself opening up to _Bobby_- who was by all definitions of the word practically family- and explaining everything that had-_was_ happening.  
_  
When did my life get so damn freaking confusing?_ Dean thought but said out loud. "Really Bobby I'm just… _peachy_."

Bobby just raised an eyebrow, the worried creases in his face deepened with his frown looking like groves cut in lino. He peered to Dean as though he was looking right inside him and thought what he saw was a complete pile of bull shit machoism, inherited from the one and only John Winchester. And he was probably right about it too.

"Well the offer still stands boy, which is more than what I can personally do at this point in time." Bobby's tone was gruff and clipped but despite that Dean couldn't help the small smile that traced his lips.

"Come on kid." Bobby grunted suddenly. "Damned Rufus knows next to nothing about cars. And his customer skills only are enough to make me wanna shoot myself, might as well make yourself useful."

Dean smirked to himself but had to hold in a manly yelp when Bobby's chair run directly and _purposefully_ over his foot.

***  
Bobby had been right, Rufus was as hopeless as they came when it came to helping around the garage. Luckily for him however Dean was not. He'd spent the whole morning right up until lunch break banging out dents, changing oils and checking the tyres of some of the new car's Bobby had brought in to sell the parts. He'd also served a few people while they paid and brought Bobby out a whiskey or two while sneaking in a couple for himself. And despite it's rocky start it had been a good morning.

While his mind was on the job and his hands elbow deep in engine parts and car grease he'd had barley any time to think at all about Cas or the awkward experience that had been that morning.

Hell he'd even forgotten about having something to eat until Bobby had wheeled himself into the garage, clapped a hand on Dean's shoulder and told him grub was up.

Dean was very thankful for the shift of distraction from having his hands working on cars to having his hands holding one of Bobby's homemade supreme sandwiches while he tore into it like a rabid animal.

There had been a time B.C (before Cas) when Dean had seriously considered dropping out of school completely and seriously considered gaining his apprenticeship here with Bobby in the yard and the garage and just working with that he was good at, what made sense to him. He had handed in his application and everything- had gotten several faculty members of the school to sign off on it- he'd even spent months roping his parents around the idea (of course it had been a lot easier to convince John than Mary but eventually they had both consented.)

But then, Cas had moved in next door and well- fucking _everything_ in Dean's life had suddenly turned inside out and upside down.

"Ya mother tells me you're doing better in school." Bobby said, letting the comment hang there for a minute like bait. "Said you're passing and everything which is good- better than wasting away around here, clogging your pores with grease and shit."

"What are you trying to say Bobby?" Dean grunted around a mouthful of his beautiful, enticing and not at all confusing sandwich.

"I'm just saying that the change is good is all." Said Bobby.

"Yeah, well if it wasn't for Cas-" Dean stopped suddenly ducking his head low. He placed his sandwich back on his plate suddenly not hungry.

"Cas?" Bobby asked, wheeling up to the opposite side of the table, and eyeing Dean's abbandoned sandwich with something like worry. "This the girl you bolted on this morning?"

For a moment Dean thought about answering no, Cas wasn't a girl but he was the one who caused Dean to go half insane and strand himself out in the middle of nowhere at seven 'o' clock in the morning on a freaking public holiday.

So instead he shrugged and bit into his sandwich. "I guess you could say that yeah…"

Bobby wheeled over and thumped him upside the head, causing Dean to choke and splutter.

"Ouch! Jesus Bobby what was that for?!"

"For skipping out on a girl ya Idgit." Bobby grunted wheeling back to his side of the table and taking a bite of his own sandwich. "You don't run out on a person like that Dean, your parents- _your mother_ taught you better than that. Just think about how she'd be feeling now."

Dean felt his face flush hot as he looked down. How _was_ Cas feeling right now-

A beat or so passed before Bobby spoke again, his expression softened. "Now I'm not here to lecture you about you're love life-"

Dean blanched, straightening like a spring bouncing back into shape. "_Love life?_ Bobby I-"

Bobby hit him again, and call Dean crazy but perhaps it was a little softer than before.

"Like I was saying-" he went on gruffly, cutting Dean off. "I ain't you're daddy and you're not either so you're gonna have to pull your head out of your ass and realise that other people have feelings too. You can't go around hurting people like that cos' there's gonna be a day when they won't forgive you for it."

Dean ducked his head, having the decency to flush at Bobby's words.

A silence filled the room, one that was customary within Bobby's presence. His wheelchair squeaked with a shrill groan reminding Dean of exactly the position Bobby was in. Bobby- for al intenses and purposes lived alone, run his garage alone and seemed to quite enjoy it. But in the condition he was in now, with his legs somewhat out of comission for the next few weeks, running around and working the shop was more than a challenge for the older man. Dean could see it plainly- and new for a fact that Bobby would never ask for any sort of help- even when he needed it despratly. He was sort of like John in that way, and well that pretty much said it all.

A beat or so passed before he answered. "You know, if it was alright I wouldn't mind coming over here a couple times after school and such- you know help around here a bit."

Bobby's brow shot up past the brim of his baseball cap. He rolled his eyes. "Someone needs to teach you the fine art of subtlety boy."

Dean held his hands up in surrender. "I'm not trying anything funny here." He said shrugging noncommittally. "You'd be doing me a favour, Sammy's always talking about how I need to find myself a job anyhow- Dad too and you know how he can get."

"So you're looking for a job now boy?" Bobby chuckled lowly, removing his cap from his head and running his hand through his hair. "Well ain't you on the ball."

"Rufus is hopeless." Dean pressed, finishing his sandwich, watching the older man expectantly. "A blind deaf and dumb monkey could handle customers better than he can, and you've gotta admit Bobby, I'm a lot better use out here with you than Rufus is."

Bobby turned in his chair, wheeling his plate and glass to the sink and dunking them into the waiting sink. He wasn't facing Dean but his voice was gruff and somewhat dismissive as he spoke. "Well if that's what you really want Dean, I'm in no need of charity."

Dean nodded his head though Bobby couldn't see him. He smiled down to his empty plate for the first time all morning. "Thanks Bobby." He said earnestly before standing abruptly and clearing his throat. "I could get started on moving that scrap metal out back if ya want?"

Bobby grunted in reply. And that was as close as a yes as Dean was gonna get.

_**AUTHORS NOTE:**_

_**A shout out Thank you to Tobias Morrisimus who very kindly informed me of a mistake i made in the summary.**_

_**I've also gone and posted this story on Ao3 you can find the link to it here**_

_**(Http) (:/) archive of our own works/ 710283/chapters /1312829 (no spaces, or brackets) **_

_**Go and show my baby, Cas and Dean some love ;)**_


	11. Brothers

*******  
**SAM**

Sam stood in the door of Dean's bedroom and watched his brother flip disinterestedly through a skin mag for a full minute before he spoke.

"So where were you today?"

Dean said nothing in reply just shrugged and turned his magazine over in his hands so it was positioned in landscape now, he smirked appreciatively before flipping to the next page. Sam's brows creased into a frown as he gazed at his brother.

He tried again, his gaze steely. "Cas' family came back." He prompted but got no verbal reply. Dean's eyes did however flicker briefly from his page to glance to his close curtained window. "They seemed, surprisingly indifferent about Cas' cuts." Sam added hesitantly.

"What are you trying to get at Sam?" Dean asked. He placed the magazine down on the edge of the bed and sighed tiredly running a hand through his hair. "Are you trying to get a rise out of me?"  
"What Dean no I-"

"Because it won't work okay." Dean went on almost as if Sam hadn't spoken at all. "Whatever's going on with Cas, it's his deal, and it's none of our business." Sam watched as Dean stood up then, clamping a hand around the back of his neck as he paced, head down and knuckles white. "Obviously he doesn't want to talk about it and I'm not asking him to anymore alright? It's none of my damn business. He probably hates me anyhow, so-"

"Hey Dean, _Dean_-" Sam interrupted stepping towards his older brother and stilling his frantic pacing with a hand to his shoulder.  
"Dean." He repeated once Dean stilled, his voice soft as he saw something like actual _torment_ cross over his brother's features. And a part of Sam was scared to see his older brother holding that expression.

"Hey just take a breather for a moment, sit down or something okay?"

"I don't need to be freaking coddled Sam." Dean grunted but relented all the same, letting in a shaking breath and sitting on the edge of his bed, his legs parted and his elbows rested on his knees as he lent his head forward into his hands running them over his face, before trailing an absent hand through his hair.

Sam sat beside him, the soft mattresses giving slightly beneath his growing weight. "You said Cas hates you?"

Dean's shoulders sagged forward, but he said nothing in reply.

"Okay," Sam said, nodding to himself. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he had no hope of getting an affirmative answer, getting Dean to talk about his own feelings was harder than drawing blood from a stone.

The look Dean shot him suggested rather strongly that that was the absolute last thing he wanted to do.  
"Well then do you want to hear what I have to say?"

Dean's expression remained the same, Sam decided for Dean's own wellbeing and his own to talk anyway.

"I don't think Cas hates you." He said finally after a beat. "This morning while you were gone Cas seemed really- I dunno… _distressed_ about something." Sam paused waiting for a reaction of some kind, he didn't receive any. Dean was just staring down at his clasped hands blankly waiting for him to continue.  
"At first I thought it was cos of everything- you know, about his dad and family coming back- especially after what happened. But then I realised you weren't here, that you'd just up and left- which really Dean was a dick move. So I asked Cas what was wrong-"

Dean perceptually flinched at the words, and it took all of Sam's willpower not to simultaneously bring him in for a hug and slap him upside the head.

"He didn't tell me exactly what was wrong or what happened between you two." Sam continued as Dean blew out a breath of air between his teeth. "But whatever it is Dean, you've gotta make things right- Cas he's a good guy and a good friend and I think he's actually good for you in a way, and after this weekend, I know you're good for him."

Dean didn't answer. He had this far off gaze to his eye, but his shoulders had loosened minimally and his hands lay flat on his thighs, no longer tense and squeezing. He seemed as if he was thinking- which in Sam's book was progress. Far too often this weekend, and if he was entirely honest for weeks now- Sam had been wondering exactly what it was that was going on between his brother and Cas. Over the last few days the two had been dancing around each other so much that Sam figured even Mum and Dad would've had to have noticed by now- there had to be _something_ between them.

"You two are close." Sam continued shrugging, wondering if now was the best time- and the best way to broach the subject of Dean and Cas. "I mean, _come on_ Dean he's been sleeping in your room for the last couple nights."

"I didn't want him to be alone." Dean said, seeming actually _flustered_ now. "I, he slept better with me- with _someone_ there Sam. And It's not like a minded much sharing my bed-" Dean's eyes widened as if he hadn't meant to say that, his lips parted in a small 'o' and he turned his head from Sam- and hell, was Dean _blushing_?

Sam gazed around his brothers room, he had had his suspicions about where it was exactly Cas had been sleeping. Sam extended his hand out to his brother but thought better of it and simply rested it beside him.  
"I'm not a kid anymore Dean I understand… stuff-"

_"Stuff?"_ Dean questioned a slight disheartened smile to his lips now.

"Yeah." Sam breathed out running a hand through his hair, it was getting shaggy but not exactly enough to warrant a haircut just yet. "You know that if you ever want to talk about anything- you know between you and Cas- just know that I'd be open and completely okay with it." Sam continued reaching out this time and placing his hand on Dean's taught shoulder. Almost helplessly, Sam mused, Dean looked up at him, his green eyes looking dulled and weary as though he hadn't slept right in weeks.

No matter how much Sam wanted to he knew he couldn't broach the topic of Dean n' Cas like this. In the short couple of months that had passed since the Novak's first moved in Sam knew that Cas had somehow become this huge immense part of his brother's life, for whatever reason- they were drawn to each other.

"I'm not-" Dean rubbed a hand over his face, he words trailed off into silence; he straightened suddenly and cast Sam his most parental stare. "Don't you have school or something tomorrow, man?"

"Smooth, Dean. Real smooth." Said Sam.

Dean sighed, fidgeting in place as Sam sat patiently silent. "Sam I don't think you-"

"You're my brother, Dean," Sam interrupted, knowing the direction Dean's thoughts were leading him, "I know you better than anyone. And you know you can come to me about anything. I'm not some kid you have to protect from the world anymore Dean, I'm your brother, we're brothers we look out for _each other_."

Dean was silent for so long, too long in Sam's opinion but he waited none the less. He waited until his thirteen year old patience was pushed to its limit , with Dean seemingly finding it hard to swallow around the lump in his throat- as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find it in himself to form the thoughts into syllables and words- but the thing with Sam was Dean never needed to say something, Dean was a man of actions rather than words and his body language and the way he was with Cas this weekend spoke louder than any words possibly could.

"You are right though, we both do have school tomorrow," Sam said finally clapping Dean on the shoulder as he stood. "I'll leave you now to your angsty man pain and creepy fetish pornos."

Dean's shoulders sagged forward- this time in relief as he looked up to his brother.  
A small glimmer of Sam felt he could get used to the idea of towering over his brother, but like that would ever happen.  
"Busty Asian Beauties are classics, and are not fetishes!" Dean said in such a very- _Dean way_- that it was almost as if the previous conversation had never happened.  
"Dean, combined with that and that _Henti_ stuff- _and don't even try to deny it-_ you have a fetish, seriously dude," Sam gestured widely with his hands, "you need to accept it and move on."  
"Whatever you say Sammy." Dean said shaking his head in that half affectionate/condescending way that adults sometimes did when they thought they knew more about something than you.

"Just think about what I said alright?" Sam huffed. "I really liked- like Cas Dean, and, and I know you do too."

Dean quirked and eyebrow, accessing Sam as though there was only two options for getting out of this conversation alive- going along with it, or smacking Sam upside the head with the nearest, heaviest object and burying him out in the yard. He waved his hand in a noncommittal gesture and grunted something too low to hear under his breath, before speaking louder.  
"Whatever you say Samantha, you don't wanna stay up too late now, you've gotta wake up early tomorrow to get all pretty for your girlfriend."

"Don't be a jerk Dean." Sam said slightly affectionately, knowing Dean was only trying to diverge the attention away from the real issue at hand. He left the room closing the door behind him he heard his brother let out a low chuckle of 'Bitch'.

_Yeah_, Sam, thought feeling the pressure ease from his shoulders, _Dean was going to be fine._

*******  
**DEAN**

_Dean didn't catch sight of Castiel until art second period..._

All day Dean had found it hard to focus within his classes, a fact that wouldn't have necessarily bothered him normally but today just felt off-  
The problem was that Dean knew exactly why everything felt disconnected and confused and all mixed up on the inside- in fact it had started the very moment he walked into the art room and saw Castiel (surprisingly sitting in his usual place, his trench coat draped along the back of the seat behind him as he was already bent over his page grey lead in hand. For a moment or two, Dean blinked just to make sure that Cas was well- actually there and turning towards him and- was that a _smile_?

"Hello Dean." Cas said. Without his own consent Dean felt his body move forward, his legs steering him to his usual spot opposite Cas and pulling his body down into a sitting position. He fell atop of the chair with a heavy thud still having not said anything in reply, his brain a little too shocked to form the words. It was almost surreal to see Cas back in the trench, with the sleeves clean and free of the dark stains of his own blood, it was weird to see Cas in his typical dress shirt and pants after having him be dressed so casually in Dean's own clothes, clothes that he looked particularly good in- not that he didn't look good anyway of course.

Dean cringed to himself, he sounded like a freaking girl now.

"Ah, hey Castiel- _Cas_. Hey Cas." Dean would deny it to his dying day that he had actually stuttered out that bullshit excuse for a hello.

Cas gazed at him solidly for a moment, before tilting his head to the side his blue eyes wide and considering, but not meeting Dean's own eyes- not really.  
Oh, so Cas did remember then, Dean's heart gave a painful lurch and he looked down to his work, feeling the heat in his face flush brightly. It had been a stupid fleeting, impossible thought that maybe somehow Dean had blown the whole, getting-a-boner-while-pressed-against-Cas thing out of proportion, that somehow maybe that Cas hadn't actually noticed anything at all, that maybe he hadn't been awake enough to.

"Dean." Cas said after a moment or so, and the sound of his quiet words struck a nerve in Dean stronger than a gunshot.  
"What?" Dean quipped and felt bad for it almost instantly, he looked up from his work and met Cas' gaze across the table and hell, how was it that his damn freaking eyes were so blue.

Cas opened his mouth as if to speak, closed his mouth again as a small pinch-point frown formed between his brows before opening his mouth a second time and furrowing his brows in determination.  
"I need to talk to you, preferably in private."

Dean thought he should be extra worried when within that moment he felt his body flush hot at the deep, slow gravel of his friend's voice as well as simultaneously shiver, while his stomach sank at the intensity and seriousness of Cas' words.

"Perhaps after school- do you- are you free?"

No, Dean was not free. He had already committed to going over to Bobby's every afternoon this week to help out around the garage for a couple hours each night. Though the old man wouldn't dare admit it he needed the help, the extra hand around the yard while he was incapacitated such as he was- but then again, he could still go just call and just tell Bobby he'd be half an hour or so late, have this 'talk' with Cas _then _go out and work at the yard.

Dean's heart burrowed deeper into his gut at the thought- how long did he expect it to take Cas to tell him he was uncomfortable being his friend anymore.

"I'm not very much of a talker Cas, I'm not too good at it either." Dean muttered, keeping his voice low. Everyone else in the classroom was steadily doing their work, putting pencils and brushes to paper. Cas and him were the only two not working- which was a change for Cas as usually you couldn't get him to stop doing some form of school work even if you'd hit him over the head.

Curious, Dean allowed his gaze to dip low to the upside down image on Cas' page/ he could see the rubbings of the eraser all neatly- and so very Cas like, meticulously piled into the corner of the A3 page. He could make out the soft smudges and lines of a decidedly female form, and could almost make out the beginnings of an almost familiar looking smile-

"I believe your communication skills Dean are well formed, especially when compared to my own." Cas confessed in a solemn honest tone- as though he could somehow actually believe that.

Dean felt his attention snap back to him like an elastic band pulled taught then let go. A sad sort of smile tugged at the corners of his lips, yeah if Cas wanted to- end whatever this was now, that would be one of the things he'd definitely miss the most.

"Right, sure Cas." Dean said but his true words remained unspoken; _let's just forget this weekend ever happened alright, just let's pretend nothing happened and we can stay like this, I can deal with this, I can be happy with this, just please- don't tell me you can't anymore._

It felt as if Dean had been looking down at his page for hours, before he heard Cas a small, "okay then." leading the two of them to fall into a companionable silence for the rest of the lesson.

The rest of the school day passed uneventfully, Dean stayed with Ash and Jo, listening to the two of them argue as if an old married couple- and hey they probably should have been by now what with all the flirting and the not so subtle glances- which yeah in all honesty made Dean feel like a bit of a third wheel.  
But it was not as if he could bring it up to the two of them lest he be hit by Jo again (For a small blonde girl she had a killer punch) and probably embarrass the crap outta Ash (If that was even possible) because Dean was about one hundred percent sure that Ash knew perfectly well what was going on and probably had been harboring a crush on Jo- now that he actually thought about it- for years. How Dean hadn't noticed it until now was still beyond him.

Lisa Braedon too it seemed had found a guy; a senior Matt Something-or-other, who from a completely _objective_ point of view Dean could agree looked good in a football Jersey- and by the looks of it could make Lisa smile and laugh, which was exactly what she deserved- a guy who could do that for her. Dean passed them in the hall on his way out to the parking lot and couldn't help wondering what things would have been like if he and Lisa had remained in contact, if he'd just worked that little bit harder, treated her that little bit better instead of just trying to use her for his own purposes and maybe actually taken her out on a date or something instead of trying to slide his way into her pants (quite literary).

It was news to Dean that apparently she and Matt had started going out a few weeks after he and Lisa had officially 'ended' whatever it was that they had between them, and they had been one of the happiest couples in the school since.  
Dean also found out that they were celebrating their third month anniversary this week.

Out in the parking lot, Dean could see Sammy, walking hand in hand with Jess, who smiled brightly and waved to Dean when she saw him. Dean felt himself give a soft smile in return and to Sam give a small nod as the two passed him- Sam positively beaming with his goofy puppy dog grin and eyes as he practically drooled with affection at Jess's feet. The two looked happy together, cute even, if Dean was willing to admit that particular thought to himself.  
_  
A part of Dean silently wondered if these relationships had been around him the whole time- and why for some reason or another, was he only just noticing them now?_


	12. falling towards the sky

***  
And so Dean found himself waiting beside the Impala after school, twisting his hands around the steering wheel as he waited to drive Cas home and have the inevitable and gut wrenching talk.  
Well not the _talk_ talk just… _a talk_… about what happened the other day and where exactly it left them _now._  
All of a sudden Dean thought that repeating the 'sex talk' with his dad would be less painful than whatever it was Cas wanted to discuss with him, and _that_ particular talk with his Dad had consisted of getting hit in the back of the head with the box of condoms his father had chucked to him as well as hearing the phrase; 'Now you know what to ah, what to do with these right?'.

Yeah that had been painful. But this would be indescribably even more so.

The Impala's door opened and Cas slid into the shotgun seat so fast, slamming the door shut behind him so quickly that Dean gave a startled yelp of surprise.

Cas looked flushed as he sat hunched in the front seat, his wide blue eyes darting to Dean quickly as he uttered the barley heard phrase of "I'm sorry Dean-" just as the back door to the Impala was wrenched clumsily open and closed just as harshly behind the squirming figure of a smaller boy-

"So you're the infamous Dean Winchester, Cassy's been telling me _all_ about you." __

Dean looked up into the review mirror to see a slouched form of a light brown haired boy resting against the leather of his Baby's upholstery, to who the form belonged to Dean knew instantly though he had only seen the boy a couple of times._  
_Gabriel Novak sat slouched in the back seat, no school bag or books to be seen, as he spoke to Dean leaning forward in his seat, he gestured with a bright red lollypop having just extracted it from his mouth with a disgustingly audible '_pop'_.

"We haven't formally met but I'm Gabriel, Cas' infinitely more fun and better looking brother." The younger boy's delighted smile set Dean instantly on edge, the light caught his eyes and for the briefest of moments Dean wondered how two such different people, not only in manner but appearance could be related to each other.

Gabriel was all smirks and narrowed, mischief filled eyes. Having the vague resemblance to a fox or a weasel if Dean looked close enough. Gabriel was short where Cas was slender with bottle glass blue eyes where Gabriel's were more of a golden hazel. Gabriel was seemingly amused by everything he saw whereas Cas, Dean knew from experience was more solemn and softly spoken, considering everything as if it puzzle that needed solving.

The two couldn't have been more different- and yet Dean only had to look to him and Sam to understand how drastically different brothers could be.

"I know who you are." Dean said, struggling to keep the hostility out of his voice as he side glanced to Castiel who looked two parts embarrassed and one part guilty for Gabriel's presence, for the moment avoiding Dean's eye. "What I'm wondering is why you think you can just jump into my Baby-"

"Your _Baby_?" Gabriel's smirk was a sharp as any blade and his tone cut just as deeply. "You named your car Baby? How… _motherly_ of you."

Dean's grip tightened on the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening perceptively.

"Dean." Cas spoke softly, reaching out and placing his hand upon Dean's jean clad knee, his fingers pressing firmly but gingerly through the material. It was the first time they had touched since Dean had ran out on him.

Dean felt his cheeks heat with the memory of Cas' legs against and between his, the memory of Cas' dishevelled head pressed into the pillow, the puffs of Cas' breath against his lips as he had turned around to face Dean. The memory of how Cas had shifted and moved, brushing against Dean's all too sensitive lower half in those early hours of the morning, so close to grinding against his erection- so close to satisfying that _urge_, that _want_ that had streaked low in Dean's gut, heating and flushing his groin to full hardness-  
._  
_But he couldn't think about that now, couldn't think about how much he wanted that- not with Cas there looking towards him so earnestly and fuck- Gabriel in the back seat, leaning back in the seat, smirking around his lolly pop as he texted on his phone -for all the world looking as though he was the cat that got the cream. It was almost as though the little shit knew something-

Cas seemed to be thinking about the other morning as well for he flushed suddenly and removed the warmth of his hand from Dean's knee.

Dean did not miss the touch. Nope. Not one bit.

"I apologise for Gabriel, Dean." Cas said earnestly, placing his hands folded in his lap now, his nimble fingers curling around each other as he sat, glancing towards the backseat. "Once he heard of my traveling arrangement with you he assumed as though that invitation applied to all the Novak's…"

"What do you mean all the No-" no sooner had the words begun to leave Dean's mouth than was the door of his Baby torn open, this time from his side of the car as a mop of red hair poked through the door.

Anna's blue eyes flashed with blatant relief as she slid into the backseat next to Gabriel- as though appearing out of thin air.

"Thanks for waiting Cas, seriously for a second I was worried I'd have to lug this huge thing behind me all the way home." Anna said cheerfully arranging herself comfortably beside Gabriel who sniggered in the back to which Cas sent him a disapproving almost parental stare- that was in a weird and completely inappropriate way kind of hot.

Oh-Kay, so this was worse than the John Winchester hour special of the Sex Talk.

Dean could remember (Vaguely due to intoxication) the first and last time he had ever talked to Anna Novak.

God he'd told her Cas was _perfect. And he'd hit on her.___

"Hello Dean." Anna said in such a way that it was instantly reminiscent of Cas' usual hello for him, so much so that for a second Dean felt both utterly confused and ridiculously incensed because well- _that was Cas' thing…_

"Glad to see you're doing well." She continued seeming genuine, but her eyes met Dean's steely in the review mirror and held him as though a vice.

Dean swallowed around the forming lump in his throat, and hoped that the other two Novak's in the car couldn't somehow telepathically hear the subtext to their sisters words to him; _I'm glad that you haven't hurt my brother, cos if you did I'd kick your ass._

Dean cleared his throat roughly and focused his attention back on actually getting _out_ of the school's parking lot, as fast as humanly possible.

"Hey Anna, good to see you too." He said a little quieter than he would have normally liked.

"The two of you have met before?" Cas asked curiously. Dean glanced to face him but found Cas' gaze rested solely on Anna, his expression unreadable from this angle.

Dean pulled the Impala out of the lot, waited for the traffic at the intersection before driving off, Cas though facing the front now his seatbelt buckled, still kept his carefully focused attention on Anna as she answered;

"We met at Meg Master's party a few months back." Anna offered simply, "Though I'm more than a little surprised Dean remembers it. He was- well- _really_ drunk at the time."

Dean made a pointed effort of avoiding Cas' gaze as it slid to him, questionably with something like…disappointment maybe- thrown into the mix._ Yeah I was drunk. Drunk enough to hit on my best friends sister, and wear the girl I was sleeping with panties after sex…_

Dean stopped that thought instantly, now willing to open up that can of worms when already this situation was uncomfortable enough.

"Did you two hook up?" Gabriel asked with feign innocence. Anna shot him a withering look, but at Gabriel's words Cas' eyes flickered and hardened as he looked forward.

"No we didn't." Dean snapped defensibly, he could feel Anna's gaze hot on the back of his seat- almost burning through but was eternally grateful when she shared the same sentiment to the rest of the car.

"You should be more careful consuming such large quantities of alcohol Dean, especially when you are underage." Castiel said, his voice hard and low.

"Hey hold up a bit-" Dean said, glancing briefly to Cas then back at the road. "I'm not exactly new to the whole drinking scene Cas." _and either are you so you can't talk._

"You are underage Dean." Cas repeated firmly, still not looking at him. "The consumption of copious amounts of alcohol at your age is illegal in the majority of the U.S states; Kansas being one of them."

"Come on Cas that was before you- I mean I haven't had a drink since-"

Dean stopped suddenly as a thought hit him. Hell he hadn't had a drink since that night, the night of Meg's party- it was a strange absence to his life actually, he hadn't really realized just how much he had missed alcohol until he was reminded of it, the sizzling buzz below the surface of his skin, the light headedness and numbness that quickly followed on from a few shots here- a couple cans there-

God he could really use a drink right about now.

"I haven't had a drink for months, you're not my mum or something dude so just- lay off a bit okay?"

"I'm only concerned with your wellbeing Dean." Cas spoke softly as Dean felt the air in the car compact in on itself making it hard to keep his gaze ahead to the road and not turn to face Cas.

Dean said nothing in reply. There wasn't really any way he could actually get his mouth to form the words in order to answer that. It was as if there was something- just on the tip of his tongue waiting to be spurted out but for all the life of him Dean couldn't discern what.

"You don't have to be." He said finally, swallowing roughly.

Dean turned to face Cas and stopped suddenly, the car feeling for the life of him, having grown smaller in the span of two seconds. Cas' eyes were on Dean's lips, and Dean licked them self-consciously. Castiel tracked the movement, his eyes a startling glass blue, making Dean wonder if Cas' eyes were always so clear-

"As touching as this whole UST thing is I would prefer not to crash and die today so could you keep your eyes on the road ahead Dean-o, buddy, instead of mentally undressing my dear brother?" Gabriel called from the back seat, instantly spiking both Dean's nerves and embarresed anger at having be caught out.

At the sound of Gabriel's voice both Dean and Cas glanced away from each other. Dean focusing back onto the road, keeping his gaze firmly ahead and clearing his throat loudly. Castiel glanced back out to the window, before announcing to the whole car in a voice that sounded a little quieter than before:

"You've passed our house Dean." He informed them, keeping his gaze out the window.

Gabriel let out a martyred sigh. "That was what I was trying to tell you two SOB's-"

"Gabe." Anna scolded, but seemed to agree with the sentiment glancing behind they to check just how far past the Novak's house Dean had drove them.

Dean swore under his breath, glancing behind him before stopping baby in her tracks, driving up some stranger's driveway slightly as he mumbled incoherently to himself, pulling a very illegal U-turn and driving back.

Thankfully for Dean the car was relatively silent on the way back, Cas kept his gaze focused out of the window, disinterestedly watching as the houses passed them by. Dean normally would be welcome to the silence, as was his and Cas' usual custom but with the two other, insufferably whispering Novak's in the back- his usual breezy silence with Cas had turned cold, dismissive and entirely two awkward, filled with the occasional sounds of Gabriel sucking away on his lollypop and humming to himself in a upbeat pop like tune that made Dean's classic rock skin crawl and his fingers twitch against the steering wheel. He kept finding his gaze drawn between the stereo, the road and Cas- which considering he had already been distracted while driving with Cas beside him was not really a safe thing to do.

Dean didn't feel surprise in the least when as soon as he pulled up between the Winchester and Novak houses that Anna and Gabriel seemed all to egar to leave the car as quickly as possible.

"Well that was all kinds of awkward." Gabriel mumbled around his lollypop, just loud enough for Dean to hear as he- as quickly as he had entered- left the car, without so much as a thankyou or any acknowledgement of any kind. "You could cut that pent up sexual tension with a butter knife."

"You're welcome." Dean called out to him, feeling his muscles tense and his mood dampen, yeah so far Gabriel Novak was an assho-

"Thanks for the ride Dean." Anna however was of a different sort. She smiled kindly to him as she two, slung her pack over her shoulder and left the car, turning an almost knowing glance to Castiel before she left Baby completely.

"I'll wait for you inside and keep Gabe at bay while I'm at it" She said, the adjustment of her tone forming the words caught Dean's attention but she did not stay around to question it, for as soon as she had spoken her piece she was gone, her red hair bouncing slightly behind her with each step as she walked up the porch and into the house, her hips swaying almost sensually with the movement of her gait before the door closed shut behind her.

Dean watched her leave and was only aware of Cas' gaze on him when a pickling heat ran the length of his arm flushing up into his neck.

Castiel was silent for a while, hell the whole car was silent for a while. With a flash of nervous irritation Dean looked away from the other boy, but he could still feel his eyes on his face. Despite Cas obviously waiting for Dean to speak first, Dean found that he couldn't, shit he couldn't even bring himself to look at Castiel directly- how the hell was he supposed to talk now?

Turned out, that if he waiting long enough he wouldn't have to.

"Dean, can I ask you something?" Cas said, his voice low and just a penetrating as he blue eyes stare against Dean's skin.

A part of Dean breathed a sigh of relief, another part shrivelled up in on itself in its fear of the worst. "Yeah Cas, sure."

"Are we," Cas began than stopped uncharacteristically before starting again. "Do you consider me a friend Dean?"

For a moment Dean was completely silent.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable-" Cas began before Dean cut him off.

"Wait, Cas what do you- are you asking me if we are friends?"

"Yes." Said Castiel, sitting patiently.

Okay, so this was defiantly not along the lines that Dean pictured this conversation going.

"Cas, what did you think was between us if you didn't think you were my bes- that you were my friend?"

"I believed we were working on a project together," Cas answered, his voice weighed with an ill-fitted uncertainty that had Dean's heart leaping up into his throat.

"Then I was helping you study and in return you were giving me a ride home from school-"

"But what about us hanging out together and this weekend? What about-" _everything?_ Dean wanted to say but Cas held up his hand, stalling him from continuing. If it were anyone else Dean would feel affronted maybe even angry but this was _Cas_-  
Cas would always be different.

"This weekend, Dean what happened you must know that having you and your family care for me- I have never been showed so much kindness and it- it overwhelms me still."

Dean, against every cell and impulse of his being sat patiently waiting for Cas to continue.

Cas' tongue darted out to lick his lips before he continued, looking away from Dean now. "I have never felt such- compassion for others outside of my family before Dean, I was amazed. How you took care of me, how you allowed me into your bed-"

And yeah this was where Dean and his _brain_ kicked back into action.

"Guys don't usually do that..." he bit the inside of his cheek, hard, gesturing wildly between them as if trying to articulate what it was he couldn't say, didn't know how to say in the moment.

Talking was not Dean Winchesters speciality, but denial was. "We're guy's Cas not girls. That was a mistake and I don't know what I was thinking…"

"I am _utterly_ aware of the fact that neither of us is a woman, Dean," Cas' snappish tone startled Dean into silence. He watched abashedly as Cas' jaw perceptibly tightened with frustration- or maybe something more-

"Don't you rather think that that was the whole point? Of why I enjoyed my time with you so much, how I can't stop myself from thinking about those moments with you, lying with you?"

Dean blinked. "I…._what_?"

"When you looked at me the other day- after your-" Cas flushed, backtracking slightly before continuing. "When you woke up-" he went on thickly, his previous irritation seemingly dormant for the moment, "-you were so scared. I _hated_ that, hated it more than anything else. I hated that you couldn't look at me."

Still uncomprehending Dean just stared at him blankly. This was- unexpected. He expected Cas to be angry, be frustrated or annoyed or disgusted or something, anything but… receptive and so freaking honest that it physically pained Dean to hear the words spoken aloud.

"Dean, I like you. I like you very much," Castiel said, his voice sounding strained and low, like a deep rumble in his chest.

"You like me?" Dean repeated, shocked into his own dumb state of delirium.

"I have for quite some time now." Cas admitted openly, his gaze like a searchlight on Dean's face, probing him, picking him apart piece by self-loathing piece as if trying to find what was hidden beneath, trying to encourage it and allow it room to finally breathe.

And breathe Dean did, sucking one sharp breath into his lungs through his nose and holding as Cas continued;

"I did not act upon it as I _thought_, that my…_attentions_ to you would be undesired, that you would be unwilling more so than unable to ever possibly think of me as I think of you- to want me as I, as I want you, Dean."

"_You want me_?"

Cas cast him a fond withering glance. "Must you make a habit of repeating everything I say, it is quite vexing."  
Dean sat back into the smooth leather of his chair, his grip intermitted flexing and tightening against the wheel of his baby, as if glued to the very spot.

"Sorry it's just… all this time, you've felt that way? _About me_?" He could almost hear a montage of Jo and Sam's voices in his head both screaming at him to get a clue and pull his head out of his ass cos this was just embarrassing-

Shit, Cas liked _him_.

"You are a peculiar person Dean Winchester, I've found that my _interest_ in you perhaps grew and developed over time but- yes for some months now I've found myself seeing you in a new light as it were." Cas said it with such blatant casualness and downright affection that it made Dean's skin tingle pleasantly right down to his booted toes.

"Christ, Cas."

"Do not blaspheme Dean." Cas said suddenly leaning closer, much closer than Dean could have sworn he was merely seconds ago. His eyes were dark, a night sky blue amongst lightened flecks like stars, his lashes seeping low across his cheekbones like black crescent moons and- _Jesus_ had he always smelt like that, like pine needles and ozone and _shit_ his lips were so pink was he wearing lip gloss again, because Dean would totally be up for that shit-

"You just have to say no," Cas said simply, his lips hovering a breath over Dean's, how'd he move so close so quickly was beyond Dean in the moment much like pretty much everything else. "One word and I'll, I'll stop." The _if you want me too_, was left unspoken but those silent words rang through Dean like a piecing scream as they were so _wrong_ and how could he ever want to stop something like this from happening?

Dean felt as if he was on the edge of a precipice, on the edge of a cliff looking down, and if he was to jump that would be it there would be no turning back and he would either fly or fall.

"Cas." Dean said. The nick-name leaving his mouth like a private prayer between the two of them; and that was all it took for the world to change.

Forever more would Dean would be able to measure his life by this moment the time before kissing Cas and a time after. This was it and there was nothing holding him back and there was just Cas and him and everything was insignificant now and he couldn't exactly tell who pressed whose lips to whom and all Dean could think of in the span of milliseconds just before their lips brushed that this was what it felt like to fall.

And what a remarkable feeling it was and if he could look back on this moment he would understand that Cas would be there with him and really there no more beautiful way to fall than with Cas there right beside him.

Their lips touched and it was the beginning of an end.


	13. a lesson in boots

**AUTHORS NOTE IMPORTANT:_  
_**_Thankyou from the bottom of my heart of all the lovely reviews you have all sent me, i just feel so elated from all your words of encouragement and good feelings to wards this story, you don't know how important that is to me, so thank you, each and every one of you!****_

I do have something i want to bring up with those of you who are reading this (Sorry for the long authors note but i think it's important, you don't have to read if you don't want to i am not squishing your face against your computer screen)****

This is directly related to several messages and comments i have received over this story in regards to the lack of Castiel's pov thus far...**  
**I want you guys to understand that in writing this fic, when i first developed the idea Cas was what i envisioned first, Cas' problems, Cas' world, Cas' thoughts and feelings and grievances etc. Dean at that time came second. It was never my intention to write from Dean's pov at all, but sometimes in writing the characters take a hold of you and the fact of the matter is, i never expected to get this far- a one shot maybe two and that would be it.

_But the truth is i haven't written Cas pov until now_ because I've been terrified to_. I love Castiel so much, the attachment i feel for this fictional character is beyond unhealthy but because of this attachment i have been to scared to put fingers to keys and nut out a Cas pov scene- because i want to do the character and fans like me and you guys right. And that's not even going into the fact that the subject material I'm working around through Cas in this story is as most of you have probably noticed is a sensitive, and touching subject and i want to do that with the respectful justice it deserves._

_I could go on further to explain that in writing mostly Dean that I'm trying to show Cas' troubles, struggles and character through the eyes of another person to allow some of the less, not progressive but more _conservative_ readers out there, a chance to warm to the particular aspect of Cas- his cross dressing tendencies and sexuality.  
_

_I have already received numerous anonymous threats and hate mail for even writing about that aspect of Cas' character online, and Dean as well and though that has both disgusted and upset me, here i am still staying true to the character of Cas I'm portraying, but i digress-_

_I just want to say I'm doing what i can, and I'm writing what i love and believe in- Destiel, Dean AND Cas as EQUALS, CHARACTERS IN THEIR OWN RIGHT, as their OWN PEOPLE, the both of them COMING TOGETHER, and if Dean if my more preferred and practiced mouthpiece in which i address that idea then I'm sorry but i didn't mean for people to feel cheated or offended._

**_Yes, rant over. I'm sorry about that ya'll, hope you enjoy the chapter!_**

**CASTIEL**

_Since before Castiel could remember he wanted to appear as self-assured and good-looking as his older sister Anna._

Anna, bold and confident and undeniably pretty, always smelled sweet of roses mixed with the vaguest smell of coconut. She always had such lovely things too, her closet was a visage of radiant colour, bold and beautiful items that just seemed to fill her with this flow of energy and confidence that Castiel found himself constantly in awe by. Though he loved everything she wore in equal measure, for himself he rather preferred the pretty, more delicately subtle things.

But it wasn't just the clothes Castiel wished he could have, no he wanted the shoes and the manner, the poise and the charm- he wanted the freedom and the courage to do as Anna did, to stand up to their father and Lucifer and the rest of the congregation and just be himself- just be Castiel.  
Castiel wanted the boys to want him too, just as they did Anna.

***  
It had started off small at first; Castiel was ten when the first pair of Anna's shorts went missing, then a blouse or two gone from there- of course Castiel eventually returned them all, exactly to where he had found them, and really as the months, then almost a year passed on Castiel slowly became more confident in his exploration.  
Makeup, lip-gloss, lipstick, eye liner and mascara, foundation blush, if Anna had it Castiel tried it though it took some time for him, just through observation of his mother and Anna, to get the hang of applying the cosmetics to his own face but the action grew second nature to him eventually. His tastes in clothes developed as well; a skirt or two, a couple of dresses even went missing from Anna's closet over time. Heels; the black wedged pumps without the straps had been Castiel's favourite to wear, that was until his feet grew in size and the lovely pumps no longer fitted him.

Soon, quicker than Castiel had expected- he was able to rationalise the entire situation to himself through one simple sentence- _no one will ever know, I'm not harming anyone._

And he hand been right. For a long time the game he'd created for himself remained unchanged, whenever he was left alone or had a spare moment from which he knew he was not going to be disturbed Castiel reached within that space inside himself just as he would Anna's closet or dresser draw or makeup kit and just _let go_…

Each time was more liberating than the last, and with each time Castiel found he could make it through his days just that little be easier, breathe that little bit deeper and walk that little bit taller.

_Castiel feared what would happen if he was caught indulging in his desires, and yet the day it did happen- that first time- had been anything but what he had expected…_

Castiel even at the tender age of eleven was home alone just having come back from another terrible day in school within which no one talked to him and he didn't talk to anyone. The other students, who Castiel had been going to school with for years had always considered him something like an outsider, not that he minded much, he knew he was always too quiet for the likes of his peers, to ponderous and inexpressive and not sporty enough-

See at school Castiel was never enough, he was never considered normal enough for the chance to fit in, but here on his own standing in front of Anna's closet, running his hand along dress after dress and thinking of which one he like to wear today, Castiel was more than enough, and yet was exactly as he'd always had been.

Castiel was just himself.

That day he had decided upon one of his (and Anna's a silent voice in the back of his head spoke) favourites; a light, thin strapped blue dress, that reached to just above his knees, brushing against the skin their like a caress.

Nobody was home, which was why he was doing this, that and it had been so long, a few weeks since he'd last been able to indulge himself like this, and who knew how long it'd be before he'd likely be able to do this again.

Castiel hesitated just slightly after having shed himself of his usual clothes and slipping on his sister's dress, _my dress_- he preferred to think, as he reached out for a dark pair of long booted heels. The dress fitted him more tightly then Anna, Castiel himself being made up of harder more angled lines rather than the soft curves that the dress was made for.

Castiel supposed he'd look better in it if he had a curvier, more feminine figure, instead of being all nimble and lean limbed, with broad shoulders and a slim waist and a flat chest. But even looking at himself now, Castiel like the way the thin material hugged his larger than Anna biceps and arms, the way the hem stretched slightly more than normal around his shoulders, exposing more of his taught collarbone and the paleness of his skin there- if he did have curves the, experience of it all the look would be entirely different.

Castiel didn't think he was ready for something like that, to look at himself and to not actually _see_ himself it was a daunting thought-

Yet as Castiel was admiring himself in the mirror within Anna's room, he didn't hear the sound of the front door unlock, swing open and closed. Nor did he hear the sound of footsteps travelling along the hall to Anna's door before it was swung open by none other than Anna herself.

What he did hear though was the sound of his sisters gasped 'oh' and the sound tore into him like a knife, as his legs suddenly now felt all too bare as he turned around feeling his breathe catch and the soft smile fall from his lips and shatter to the ground like dropped glass.

Anna had popped her lips closed from their silent 'o' shape, her eyes had widened then narrowed minutely at the sight of her younger brother standing there all slim bare legs and wearing one of her most favourite dresses and dressed in _her_ clothes in _her_ room.

Castiel felt his heart stop. _Please, Anna don't hate me, don't yell, just please I'm sorry-_

Every excuse and plea under the sun starting to make their way to be spoken had suddenly gotten lodged in Castiel's throat as if trying to choke him and for all the world in that moment Castiel suddenly felt like crying, something he hadn't done since his first year of school.

It seemed like he had been standing under his sisters scrutiny forever when Anna finally collected herself and shut her bedroom door behind her, stepping further into the room. Only to turn back and lock her bedroom door, much in the way Castiel should have when he arrived.

She faced him then and none of the disgust or anger Castiel had imagined tainted her enviously lovely face.

"I have a much better pair of shoes that go with that dress Cassy." She said her tone surprisingly soft. "The boots you're wearing are more suited to pants and jeans, see-"

Castiel felt himself suck in a gasp as Anna stepped forward, knelt before him and gestured to the shoes as she slowly began to undo the zip along the side of one.

"See how high it goes up?" She touched the rim of the boot just a few centimetres below Castiel's shaking knee. "If you wear it with a dress like this it makes your legs look shorter, Step."

Castiel did as he was told and stepped out of the boot, feeling his heart race in his chest like a humming bird's wings as Anna took the boot and stood up.

"You undo the other one, I'll be back in a second." Anna had smiled soft and reassuring and Castiel could remember feeling his own smile echo instinctively inside him, though on the outside he remained frozen solid whether in fear or shock he couldn't be sure.

Eventually he nodded lowly, his voice having caught around the growing lump in his throat.

With shaking hands Castiel bent forward as Anna disappeared into her closet behind him, it took him longer than he would normally take with his trembling hands and sweaty palms to undo the zip at the side of the black heeled boot, and even longer still as he, now unbalanced wormed the shoe off of his foot and returned back to solid ground, both of his feet flat against the soft carpet.

Hugging a boot to his chest, Castiel breathed for the first time it seemed in forever and tightened his jaw, standing stoically, feeling raw and naked before his sister returned with a light and a smile that in the moment set Castiel at surprising ease.

"See, these ones will make you look much taller, I think they'll fit you."

Slowly at Anna's words Castiel let the boot he held to his chest like a barrier between him and the world go, feeling the fake leather slip from his grasp as Anna took it and in return handed the other daintier shoes over.

Castiel couldn't even begin to voice the relief he was feeling when he sat atop of the edge on Anna's bed, slipped each of the heels on and marvelled once again at how they fit, how they made him look.

He stood, towering over his older sister now, but once again having her considering gaze upon him he felt his stomach drop suddenly and his elation begin to ebb, as a raw hiccup filled his throat and all of a sudden he felt as if he was drowning.

"Oh, Castiel, Cassy don't cry." Anna said, encircling him into the embrace of her arms.

It wasn't until he felt himself melt into her embrace after twenty minutes of standing stock still that Castiel realized he was crying, and he hated that fact more than anything, he'd always been known as the soft one, the unmanly one who was too quiet and too sensitive and was never really who or what he was supposed to be.

His mother said it was because he had heart, but then having too much heart was always Castiel's problem.

Anna had tightened her arms around his shoulders drawing him in closer as if she could sense what he was thinking.

"I'm sorry An-" the words didn't even get the chance to make their way out of his mouth before his sister has drew away, clasped both of his shoulders in her hands and brought his face level with hers.

"Don't ever apologize." She ordered, sounding scarily like both his mother and father all mixed into one. "Not ever. Not for- _this_, Castiel _never_ for this."

Castiel couldn't do anything but breathe in deeply and nod, and stare through his sheen of tears as though they offended him. He felt as if he was shaking so hard with the force of it all that it was somehow a miracle he was still in one piece.

Anna released him slowly and turned around to face her cabinet with all the grace and poise that her gender allowed.

"Have you-" she asked, running her fingers along the edge of her mirror, her image reflected within the glass seemed younger than the actual girl with her back turned to him now. "Do you know how to apply this?" she inclined with her head and her eyes to her make up kit, cupping the small box with the palm of her hand.

The box had been a gift to Anna from their grandmother, Castiel that same Christmas had received a card with ten dollars within it and an admonishment to do better in school even though without any friends to distract him, he was already at the top of his year.

In response to Anna Castiel nodded, his head down, feeling a new bout of shame flow through him, it was hot and tempered like lava, flowing just beneath the surface of his veins, causing his eyes to water once again and his cheeks to flame a bright red.

"Did anyone teach you?" Anna asked simply.

Castiel shook his head.

"Show me what you do, if you want." His sister asked, lifting the box from its place on the cabinet and resting it on her lap as she sat beside Castiel on the edge of the bed. " And i can give you so tips if you want?"

"Anna?" Castiel asked, hating the raw gruffness of his voice even at only eleven years old. "Why are you doing this? Why aren't you mad with me?"

Anna looked to him then, with all the innocence and sincerity a twelve year old could muster and said simply with eyes mirroring Castiel's own; "Because you're my baby brother Cassy. And I love you, I'll always love you, and besides-" she grinned, it was a beautiful grin, Castiel noted absently. "I've always wanted to play dress ups with _someone_, I've tried Gabriel a few times but he just keeps squirming."

Castiel didn't know whether he laughed or just simply cried harder in that moment, but all he knew was that through it all Anna held onto him as if he was something preciously dear to her. As if he matter in the world.

And as the years passed, that feeling never changed.

*******

When Castiel was twelve years old he wanted to be like his mother all kind eyes and softly spoken, with hair- he remembered at the time being long and somewhat untamed as she spent all of her free time in the garden, hanging usually in thick plaits down her back. Despite the dirt and grime from a day in the garden she still managed to look beautiful; she was like a princess from the tales she had read to Anna that Castiel- more often then not, listened in on with rapt attention when he was younger.

The pearls she wore around her neck were beautiful, the red tint to her lips was beautiful everything about her was beauty itself and everyone within sight knew of it.

Castiel could remember the way in which his father- not his own father of course but Joshua, his mother's husband; as much of a father to Castiel as he had ever known- would smile warmly, reverently down at his mother and pluck the stray grass blades from her hair and laugh appreciatively when she would smudge dirt upon his parish uniform and kiss the swell of his cheeks as they laughed together.

Castiel at twelve wished for a man to show him the same love and affection as Joshua showed his mother. And though he had always known it in his heart, the thought make his stomach turn and his eyes well with tears in the dead of night, when all the rest of his disjointed family was asleep and the sound of his own ragged gasps could simply be thought of as the sound of the night outside.

*******  
At thirteen Castiel wanted to be God. As a new God he would be a kinder, more caring… _better_ God. He could rewind time and freeze it, he could make the rains come during droughts, would be able to stop all the wars, feed the hunger, shelter the homeless and care and nurture the innocent.

Most importantly as God; Castiel would be able to heal his mother. To heal her Cancer. He would be able to stop the bombardment of long forgotten strangers claiming to be relatives from parading around her hospital bed, each new one wearing an ill masked expression which reflected the utter hopelessness of the situation mixed within their own concern's and deathbed goodbyes.

He would be able to stop the nurses from asking him if 'he was okay' and 'do you need anything honey?'

If Castiel was God he'd be able to pick up the pieces of his broken family and fit them back together once more.

He could stop Gabriel's grades from slipping and his school yard pranks rising in severity and punishment. If Castiel was God he would be able to stop his little brother from spiralling out of control-

He would have the power to stop Anna from acting as if nothing was wrong as if no one was hurting- because they were _all hurting_, every single one of them, and as a family they were meant to hurt together not try to run away-

He would be able to stop the hardness from spreading to Michael's eyes which began to stare cold and calculating lacking in focus and emotion. The same eyes which had always looked upon the world with such caring and kindness, eyes which had skimmed page after page of childish text as Michael read aloud to Castiel, before the age he learnt to read and after still just because it was something always between the two of them, something just for them-

If Castiel was god he could stop Lucifer from lashing out in anger; anger at the world, at the doctors, at God- It was an rage Castiel could understand, could feel deep inside him but would never succumb to.

If Castiel was truly to become a better God he'd be able to stop his father from crying.

But Castiel was not God, not even close, so instead he prayed and he waited and when his prays went unanswered he screamed his voice hoarse, chest heaving and heart bleeding up to the Heavens and yet still received no reply.

Castiel could remember that after a time, years it took, he stopped praying to a God who wouldn't listen, and didn't care.

By that time years had passed, his mother had remained in hospital for the last seven months in critical care, her Cancerous body eating away at itself- deteriorating from the inside out, and nobody- not the doctors or the nurses or, as Castiel came to believe even God himself could cure her. She was beyond a cure-

So instead of praying Castiel wished, he just wished for her pain to stop.

When he received his wish barley days later, Castiel had never hated himself so much in the span of a single moment.

And thus followed the worst few months of Castiel Novak's life.

When Castiel was sixteen years old and moving from his home and lifelong prison cell of Pontiac Illinois to a small out dated house in Lawrence, Kansas he wanted to be no one and nothing at all, he just wanted to be left alone.

_And then, of course, as life would have it, he had met Dean Winchester- the boy who inadvertently, and to no conscious act of his own reminded him that maybe beauty still existed in the world. Though granted, when Castiel first saw him, he didn't know that was the other boy's name at the time…_

**_We will return to the normal 'story' 'timeline' in the next chapter which, if Castiel's pov seems to go over well with you guys, will be up sometime this week :)_**

**_Critiques, comments reviews welcome!_**


	14. Distance and space

**AN**: _A little gift for all of the support/feedback and comments from you guys :) I hope you enjoy it!_

_A special thanks to:_

**_Bitblondetoday, LadyTrista, AnnabelLee24 , PinkAlpha, Jo, mirkat, ZboomMacAttack , operaluva823_**

_And to anyone else i have missed who has reviewed the last couple of chapters :)_

**DEAN**

Cas was, for lack of a better term an _unpractised_ kisser.

It wasn't as though it was bad or anything. No it was just_ different_. But maybe that was because well- Cas was a boy, although Dean wasn't entirely sure that that was precisely the reason. The kiss was light and warm- really warm and Cas' lips were just as pliant and yielding as Dean had dreamed they'd be. They were perhaps a little clumsy and dry which was perfectly alright as Dean moistened them up quickly with a flick of his tongue, swiping the wet muscle along the seam of Cas' lips gently.

Thoughts soon became secondary only to _sensation_ and _touch_. Dean could feel Cas steadily grow in confidence as he pressed his lips a little harder, moulding them perfectly over Dean's as he leant further in, the tentative touch of his tongue in return to Dean's own enough to send shivers through Dean's entire body. God just a simple kiss hadn't felt like this in a long time.

The position in the car was awkward but Dean fumbled with one hand, unclipping his seat belt then Cas' own- without breaking his lips from Cas' before he leant forward more, bringing his hand up to cup at Cas' jaw. Cas quickly mimicked the movement, his hand sliding around to cup Dean's cheek, his thumb brushing against his temple gently before bringing the weight of his hand around to the back of Dean's neck and pulling him forward, fingers splayed along the fine hairs at the base of his neck, massaging the skin there.

Dean involuntarily let out a quite breathy sound as Cas' fingers knotted in his hair and tugged very slightly, the sound seemed to encourage Cas further for he shifted forward even more, swallowing around the soft moan that left Dean's lips by their own accord. Cas mimicked Dean move for move before branching out on his own and parting his lip's just the littlest bit, his mouth opening up over Dean's and oh-

_Oh_…okay so this, _this_ was good. Dean could get used to this; kissing Cas, kissing dudes.

And that uninhibited thought stopped the blood from singing in his veins like music. His lips stilled against Cas' ministrations and all too quickly he pulled away because wow it just really hit home what they had done- he had kissed Cas. He'd actually kissed a guy.

And dreaming and fantasizing and thinking were a completely different matter to doing.

"Dean…" Cas' voice was thick with heat as he spoke, leaning forward and connecting their lips again, his eyes closed lashes dark against the curve of his cheek, and that was all there was for a few moments just Cas and his touch and his smell and god his lips-

"Cas-" Dean repeated pulling away, more forceful this time.

Cas leaned forward even further in his seat, pressing his forehead against Dean's his cheeks flushed and lips a swollen seeming red that just looked so perfect on him.

"Cas, stop-" The words bubbled up from Dean's mouth by their own accord, as he almost physically shoved Cas away from him as he placed both hands, one each on one of Cas' shoulders and pushed; harder than he wanted, harder than he expected.

And he regretted the action almost instantly.

Cas' breathing was laboured as he caught himself from falling back too far in his seat. His blue eyes flashed with some sort of emotion that passed too quickly of Dean to pinpoint, But Cas then seemed to finally get the picture, probably much more vividly than Dean did himself.

**CASTIEL**

Castiel could almost actually see the barriers begin to rise up within Dean. He could almost visualise the layering of a thick, solid wall building up between them, brick by painful brick as Dean's stunted plea for him to stop finally broke through to him, causing him to sit back and falter dazed- had Dean… had Dean just pushed him?

He quickly schooled his expression with practiced ease from showing his shock from the rejection, and hoped to settle his face to display something just short of sobriety.

"There was no need to shove me, Dean." Castiel found himself saying with a steadiness that surprised even him. Years of practice it had taken; to build up his own walls around himself, possibly more giving and flexible than Dean's own but none the less just as impenetrable.

"Don't look at me like that," replied Dean looking down at his hands. Castiel thought it worth it to point out that how could he look at Dean any other way when Dean himself refused to look at him at all? Despite thinking this he held his tongue, sensing that this would be one of those moments when Michael would scold him and insist he keep his thoughts to himself. "Cas I, Jesus- I can't believe I just did that?"

"I agree." Castiel said somewhat venomously despite himself, "your _sudden_ rejection of me could have been handled with a little more tact."

"I wasn't talking about shoving you Cas, it was- you, me, us… _kissing_!" Dean's obvious disbelief on the matter stung harder than his actual rejection had, causing Castiel to deflate idly back into his seat.

"I do remember Dean," He said quietly, refraining strongly from the urge to bring his hand up to touch his lips idly, as if feeling the kiss that was placed upon them. "I was there after all."

Dean turned to him with a sudden ferocity then that Castiel couldn't help be struck breathless by. Dean was, _oddly attractive_ when he was angry; his golden flecked green eyes were alight with the type of righteous fury that threatened to bring down those around him. It was a sort of feverish energy Castiel figured _Homer's_ and _Virgil's_ heroes must have had, in fighting and surviving the great epics of their lives. Or perhaps Dean's righteous gaze was more reflective of the gaze held by Archangels, the ones after which Castiel's own brothers were named. It was slightly frightening to be in the line of such a stare, but more so _compelling_ than anything else.

With Castiel's extended silence the anger within Dean's eyes ebbed quickly, his glare softened to resemble something almost like an apology as he ran his hands frantically through his hair, his gaze dropping from Castiel's quickly.

"I'm - I'm sorry, Cas, it's just..." he licked his lips, and Castiel felt the heat rise in his cheeks, having only just minutes before felt and tasted the swell of those pouting lips, experienced and touched and breathed the movement of Dean's tongue against his own. The kiss just passed had been Castiel's first kiss, and he could say with absolute soul-shattering certainty that it had been one of the better experiences he had miraculously been gifted with for the better part of two- three years.

"I just think I need some time, with all this with everything. To sort stuff out, get my head in check." Dean said, even Castiel could admit somewhat lamely.

"Was it that horrible then?" Castiel asked. He hadn't even realized the petulant words had left his lips before he felt Dean suck in a sharp breathe.

"No Cas no." Dean turned to him then, his hand most likely involuntarily of his own accord (though Castiel liked to believe utterly purposefully) rested in the space between them, just a few shy centimeters from Castiel's thigh. "Cas it was good, better then good- crap I'm pretty shit at this."

Castiel quirked an eyebrow at that. "Although I have no basis for comparison, I thought you were rather… talented in your technique-" _Probably came due to a lot of practice. _Castiel pushed that thought aside however and focused back on Dean_._

"Talking Cas, it's not really my thing." Dean breathed a sigh before leaning back in his seat, his expression shifting as a small charming smile lit upon his features.

"You thought it was good then? Kissing me?" It seemed more so like a question rather than a statement so Castiel answered.

"Particularly so." Castiel answered with a small, hopefully nonchalaunt shrug. _And if given the chance, I'd kiss you again. But only if you'd let me. Only if you'd want me to as much as i want to._

Dean nodded once at that, seeming smugly if not strangely satisfied with Castiel's answer.

Castiel allowed his own smile to kick up the corners of his mouth. He could feel his cheeks heat at the sudden memory of Dean's face turned into his shoulder, Dean's breath gusting warm and gentle across his own neck. The memory of how Castiel shifted and rolled until he was suddenly aware of the unmistakable hardness of his friend's own erection grinding up against him. Even now Castiel could feel his mouth go slightly dryer as he recalled the primal _urge_ and _want_ that streaked low and hot through his own groin, and at the time he had wondered if maybe—

"Hey, Cas?" Dean said gently, coaxing Castiel from the continuous pull of his own thoughts, drawing him back into the present moment more effectively and gently then Castiel could remember anyone else doing.

He looked up to Dean then, and couldn't help feel his chest tighten minutely as Dean continued speaking, his green eyes turned away from him, to look outside the Impala's window.

"I'm uh, I'm gonna take off alright, I mean I just- Bobby's expecting me and-"

"Of course Dean," Castiel answered, but felt his heart sink with the obvious dismissal. Of course after the whole event Dean would feel, _awkward_, obligated to behave accordingly, he was too good of a man to outwardly dismiss Castiel entirely.

"But Cas, don't-" Dean drew his bottom lip into his teeth then, his hands reaching up and gripping the steering wheel of the Impala tightly.

_Don't tell anyone._ Before Dean could speak the words Castiel stopped him. "Of course, I understand entirely." He nodded once, feeling behind him the smooth chrome and metal of the Impala's door as he gripped the handle and pulled, shattering apart the small world they had created within the confines of the metal machine that  
Dean obviously held so dear to him.

"No one shall know of what happened here today, Dean. I can assure you of that. I wouldn't want to embarrass you nor myself further."

"Embarrass?" Dean repeated, his eyes widening, "Wait, Cas-"

But Castiel didn't hear the rest, he didn't want to hear the rest for he had already escaped from the car, tugging his trench-coat tighter around his body before walking half numbly to the porch of his own house, before quickly shutting the door behind him.

**DEAN**

_Oh, just great Dean, embarrass, upset and basically just piss on the guy why don't you._

The second Dean had broke them apart he knew he'd hurt Cas, it didn't take a genius to figure that fact out, besides Dean had himself hid his own emotions enough times to count in order to recognise the signs when someone else did so.

But pretty much just kicking Cas to the curb, that was a low blow- even for Dean, who had done his own fair share of ditching chicks after a one night or two. But Cas wasn't just some chick. And a kiss could hardly be counted as a one night stand-

"Fuck." Dean grunted. Unfolding himself from his Baby as he left her adjacent to the curb, following Cas' path up the un-tended garden and lawn to step onto the Novak's porch. He breathed in once deeply, straightening his back and looking straight head as he reached out a closed fist and knocked on the door once. _Knock._A beat passed. Dean was about to knock again yet just as he lifted up his fist the door opened widely and Cas stood as stoically as ever in front of him, all mused hair and red lipped still from their encounter in the car- and Jesus it was never this hard with any of the girls he'd hooked up with.

"Is there a problem Dean?" Cas asked. And Yep, Dean was sure of it now the guy was pissed/and/or upset but he was doing a brilliant job of burying it down within himself. Dean should know, he was the master of burying emotions.

"You didn't let me finish." Dean said, feeling the slight beginnings of a childish whine attach themselves to his words; he cleared his throat once before continuing. "I don't think I..I don't think _we_ communicated very well. Back there. In my Baby." Oh hell, now he sounded like freaking _Dr. Phil_ or worse, Sammy for god's sake.

Cas quirked an eyebrow. "I thought you made yourself very clear Dean-"

"Yeah well for once, possibly for the first time since I met you Cas, your wrong okay? Because I did a piss poor job explaining myself then, and I'm doing even a worse job of it now so just- quit looking at me for a moment, your eyes are distracting- so I can get my freaking shit in order-"

Cas' wide, forever blue eyes blinked once at that. And he actually seemed taken aback for a moment, something a small part of Dean, like before when Cas said he'd enjoyed the kiss- felt a little too smug about that, for Dean's particular liking.

"You find my eyes distracting?" Castiel asked simply.

Dean refused to give him an answer instead just leant against the door frame, and squeezed his eyes shut momentarily, pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb. "Cas I-"

"Did you enjoy it?" Cas interrupted him. His voice held all the seriousness of a policeman issuing a statement, and his form was just as ridged.

It was Dean's turn to blink then. "What?"

"Did you enjoy kissing me, Dean?" Cas repeated, somewhat slower.

Dean felt the beginnings of laughter bubble up in his throat because this- _this_ couldn't be his life right now. Instead of thinking of it too quickly he chuckled lightly, to which Cas' brow creased minutely in confusion, before he answered.

"Yeah Cas, I liked it alright, I said that already didn't I?" _Better then good, hell I didn't know kissing a guy could be like that.__  
_  
For a moment an odd glimmer of an unnamed emotion crossed across Cas' features, but it was gone in a second, far too quickly for Dean to give it any real thought.

"And would you be opposed if it were to happen again?" Cas asked of him.

"I don't know okay-" Dean replied feelings the beginnings of a quickly developing headache coming on. "God I can't believe I'm having this now-"

"Having what Dean?" Cas asked.

"This." Dean gestured around them as though that explained it all. "This _big gay freak-out_ moment."

Cas silent mouthed the words 'big gay freak-out' to himself seeming puzzled by the very joining of the words in a single sentence, before a sense of understanding seemed to visually blanket itself over the top of him.

"Oh I see." He said nodding once. "You are unsure of the label for your sexuality."

Dean was about two thirds of the way to hopelessly denying the statement right then and there before Castiel continued all-knowingly and annoying endearingly;

"You do know that sexuality is fluid Dean?"

"Okay firstly, I'm not going to have this conversation now, here-" _when anybody could see or hear it. _Dean thought but kept it to himself. "And secondly I'm not an idiot Cas."

"I never insinuated you were Dean," Cas replied earnestly. "In fact I find you to be refreshingly intelligent- in your own way."

"Yeah, that's just a nicely dolled up way of saying I'm dumb."

"You are many things Dean Winchester," Cas insisted, his voice slightly deeper, held a surprising amount of authority and conviction behind it now. "-but _'dumb' _is not one of them."

Dean was silent to that, having no rebuttal (None he wished sharing at the moment) and nothing much else to say, he thought for the second time in the last hour alone that he could do with a drink or two.

"I have often heard that having had relations with ones friends can make further encounters exceedingly… _awkward_." Cas offered somewhat awkwardly himself, a change of topic then, but none the less a poor one for perhaps the only other thing that Dean would rather not talk about aside from his own capabilities and his self-worth was this thing that was between him and Cas.

"A kiss isn't 'relations' Cas, Jesus- it's just a kiss-" Dean broke off then, fully considering Cas' words then for the first time. "Wait? Do _you_ think it'd be too awkward for us to be friends now?"

"I had assumed you would think so." Cas answered steely. "But any proximity to which you would allow me to be your friend however 'awkward' would make me feel incredibly happy Dean."

"Happier than Ellen's cheeseburgers?" Dean joked easily, thinking back on that night fondly, that had been the night when Dean liked to consider they had truly formed their friendship.

And look where that got you now. A small voice in his head pointed out, be he bushed it aside hastily and buried it beneath the unexpected and sudden good feeling that filled him then, when he looked upon his friend.

Cas smiled softly in reply. "Perhaps a close second." He said.

Dean laughed outright and full then the action helping to ease some of the tension he had been feeling for what seemed like years now.

"Don't ever change Cas." He said, clapping the other boy on the shoulder. But the gesture was too new to sudden after their kiss in the car and the touch brought both of them inching into silence once more. Dean's hand, firmly clasped onto Cas' shoulder, slid down the tan sleeved stretch of his arm till the calloused, imperfect tips of his fingers brushed against the backs of Cas' hand, a feather light touch, that sent Cas' blue eyes blinking up to him as the two of them moved achingly closer-

That was until Dean stopped; remembering himself and his promise to Bobby, for which he was already late for.

"Whatever is going on between us, this-" he gestured between them, taking a minute step back. "Cas you know I need some time to just figure myself out okay. It's not you seriously it's all on me."

He cringed internally at himself for using the old (but oddly enough accurate) cliché on Cas now. Cas however didn't seem to notice, nor to care for he simply nodded once, a small barely there smile curving across his lips.

"I shall see you tomorrow Dean." He said, stepping back a step and placing his hand on the frame of the door ready to let the solid wood fall between them.

"Wait a sec-" Dean reached out and gripped the door, stalling Cas' movements- his finger just inches away from the heat of Cas' own. "I won't be going to school tomorrow-" Cas frowned at that but Dean continued regardless, "I haven't any urgent classes on tomorrow anyway so I sort of promised Bobby- a friend of the family- that I'd work in his garage for the day, he's up with a broken foot you see, so I figured I'd just lend a hand around the joint, and a think" he breathed a sigh then, scrubbing his hand over his face. "I think I need at least a few days apart from you Cas, to get myself in check- we both could do with it."

Cas' frown only deepened but he did not rebut the request, something Dean found himself all too grateful for in that moment.

Instead Cas said; "Your schooling is of high importance Dean, regardless of the classes you have on particular days and yet-" He sighed, his reaction mirroring what Sam's would, when later on that night Dean would tell him that he was indeed wagging school to help out at the yard.  
"And yet your unfathomable kindness towards this Bobby and others in general, is a trait to be admired, weighing out the lack of attendance in school for, _at least_ one day."

"I'm glad I have your approval." Dean snarked, but the sentiment was lost on Cas anyway for he just smiled brightly in reply.

"You always have my support and approval Dean. In whatever it is you wish, or do not wish to do." He returned to closing the door between them then, his expression light. "I shall wait for you, for as many days as you feel you need. And I do hope your friend Bobby gets better soon."

And with that and the softest of smiles, that both warmed and tore at a part of Dean, Cas closed the door between them.

*******

It was weird because no sooner had Dean arrived at Bobby's that same afternoon he suddenly wished to be anywhere but. After the intial shock of what happened, the kiss between him and Cas had settled down; Dean had found himself actually feeling- ridiculously Happy? about the whole matter.  
He had kissed Cas. Cas had kissed him and _liked it_. It was all rather, surreal feeling actually.

Cas said he'd wait for him.

It was a weird sort of elated feeling that Dean only usually associated with consuming a shit load of alcohol (or something a little less than strictly legal), but he didn't try to question it too much, just sort of let it settle, warmly in his gut and his chest. It stayed with him the rest of the whole afternoon. He sang as he worked, not really putting much thought into the words and the occasional impromptu guitar solos that stuck Dean so suddenly that he just had to put down whatever he was doing and just go with it.

But yeah, Dean was happy and it had been a long time since he'd felt this- not giddy, but just happy that he just allowed the feeling to consume him completely.

Cas would wait for him.

He didn't even notice Bobby approach later that afternoon, absorbed as he was in trying to find the freaking bolt he had dropped beneath the car while trying to get the piece of junk separated into the parts they could actually use and parts better off in the scrap and humming a few songs under his breath.

"You alright there Dean?"

Dean jolted upright with a start, slamming his head on the underside of the car with a brain thwacking ferocity that sent his vision blurring and his senses spinning. Disoriented and swearing he crawled out from under the car, the knees of his jeans scuffed with dirt and grime as he shakily rose to his feet only to see Bobby in his wheelchair, parked beside the car.

"Was that _Reo Speedwagon's;_ _Can't fight this feeling_ I heard you muttering just then boy?" Bobby asked half gruffly, half it seemed out of general concern.

"What," Dean lied defensibly rubbing his aching head. "No, course not!"

Bobby cast him a measured look.

With a sigh Dean dropped his arm, allowing the pain to throb freely through his head. "Maybe, shut up, alright? Songs kinda catchy, it gets a pass."

"You've always been more into that classic rock stuff like yer Daddy." Bobby insisted with a brow raised beyond the rim of his cap.

"So what is it a crime to like things my Dad doesn't?" Dean reared up, despite that however his elation didn't ebb and instead he sort of felt like laughing at the entire matter.

"Can't a man have mixed tastes now a days?" He found himself asking with a suggestive waggle to his eyebrows.

"A man can have any tastes he likes." Bobby told him. "It's whatever's up with you today that's got me worried. Here-"

He bent forward in his chair suddenly. Dean could hear the obvious grunt of effort it took the older man to lean so far forward, to scrap his hand along the ground right in front of him before he straightened up with a small crack to his back.

"Looking for this yer idgit?" Bobby asked thrusting his hand out towards Dean. Seated snuggly if not a little dirtily in his palm was the bolt Dean had spent the better part of thirty minutes 'searching' for.

"I was getting warmer." Dean offered, taking the bolt with a dazzling smile, and excucuting an exaggerated turn as plucked the bolt from Bobbys grubby hand. He chuckled happily to himself, now that he had the blasted thing he forgot what it was he had planned to do with it.

Bobby however didn't seem overly impressed. "You're no used to me here boy in this sort of state, prancing around like a damned fool- muttering to yourself about feelings and whatnot."

"I don't remember ever prancing Bobby-"

"Doesn't matter now you fool," Bobby insisted with a wave of his arm. "I'm tired, Rufus has left already, shops about to close, and you're too busy day dreaming to do a simple damned thing I tell you to."

"Hey I resent that-" Dean began with a mock smile.

"Go home Dean." Bobby ordered, his tone gruff but not unkind. "Go day dream about your Cas girl elsewhere," Dean had the decency to flush at that, but didn't bother to correct the wheelchair bound man. Why should he it was Cas after all he was thinking about.

"I'll see you bright and early in the morning, hopefully by then you would've gotten over whatever the blasted hell all this is out of your system."

Regardless of Bobby's misinformation and for the fact that Dean was decidedly _not_ prancing all over the place- you didn't really need to tell him twice.

He felt like seeing Cas, but of course, didn't, still sure in himself that he had to wait at least a few days before he was fit to see him again.

Besides, Cas said he'd wait for him afterall.


	15. Uncertainty

**DEAN**

The glow from the laptop seated beside him on the bed cast Dean in a ghostly white as his eyes remained fixed to the screen in front of him, having just moment before, gulped down his trepidation and pressed play.

Gay porn was, well… it was… it was _sex_, mostly. Meaning it was messy and loud and sweaty, and all that was even without bringing in the matter of touching yourself while you watched it- something which Dean oddly enough wasn't doing because he was far too stunned and shocked to really focus on something like that- rather he found himself wondering how the hell something so _big_ could fit into a place so…_not big_.

Dean jumped so high he almost fell out of his bed when Sam came stepping uninvited through his bedroom door, looking grim faced, tired and a lot older than his thirteen years. Dean slammed his laptop screen shut, instantly the groaning sounds of two men fucking left his ears as he pulled out his earphones and made a hopefully subtle effort to slid his laptop beneath his pillow, folding his legs over each other under the blankets to hide his half-hard on, that felt as if dunked in an ice bucket the minute Sam entered the room.

Luckily Sam was too focused on his own thoughts to pay any attention to his older brother.

"You could have knocked first Sam Christ." Dean breathed, running a hand through his hair as he sat further back against his headboard, painfully aware of the rapid beating of his heart in his chest.

"I couldn't sleep." Sam offered as explanation. Sitting on the edge of Dean's bed, with his hand folded in his lap. "Mum and Dad are fighting." The _again_ was left unspoken but both Winchester boy's needn't to utter it to know it was true.

Dean sat up a little straighter then, yeah he could hear it now, the slightly dulled by thick walls-raised voices from downstairs, the kitchen most likely, architecturally speaking the room right underneath Sam's own. Dean hated it that despite what they thought, right beneath Sam's room was not the best place to have their bi weekly heated discussions, ranging on a variety of topics, but mostly falling back on John's extended absences from his family and Mary's growing discontentment with his leaving.

"No relationship is perfect Sammy," Dean said, blotting out the sounds of his mother's raised voice then, as he spoke a little louder himself, automatically. "Hell knows Mom's and Dad's has never been."

"Dad's gotta leave again for work." Sam sighed, looking more tired than a boy should at thirteen years of age. "Mom doesn't want him to go."

"She never wants him to go but he has to-"

"But he doesn't have to be a dick about it!" Sam insisted, his voice rising slightly before he quickly cut himself off, his chest breathing heavily. "I'm sorry Dean I don't want to fight with you, it's just- he gets me so mad sometimes, how he can just up and leave us- leave mom, sometimes for weeks at a time."

"He has a job Sam. It keeps our food on the table, keeps us going to school-" Dean hated to play the 'you should be grateful card' but it was true; John Winchester gave everything for his family, and it was hard on all of them at times, the distance and the separation especially on a long trip that could even keep the eldest Winchester male away from the house for months at a time. But it had always been like this- ever since Dean was little and Sam just a baby- Dean had no illusions of the situation changing anytime soon, but he hated to see his mom and Sam upset this way.

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore." Sam said suddenly. The abruptness of his decision for once; not to talk and share about his feelings, was an oddity in itself but for Dean, one he was grateful for immensely. That was until Sam moved on to a different topic.

"So what were you doing?" Sam asked tiredly, briefly glancing towards Dean's laptop. "Watching a movie?"

"What, err huh?" Dean knew his skin had properly turned three different shades in that moment, red then white then green.

"Oh god," Sam said, being graced with the ability to understand his brothers non-verbal communication perfectly. "It wasn't any of that creepy Cartoon porno crap was it? Dude that's sick!"

Well, almost perfectly.

"No Sam, hell and hey-" Dean assured him before backtracking, "-what's wrong with _Asian_ porn?"

"I am _not_ going to get into this discussion with you Dean, you have a problem."

"Your face is a problem." Dean retaliated peevishly.

Sam, instead of replying just cast him a one third embarrassed-that-I'm-related-to-you-bitch-face, and two thirds I'm-too-tired-for-this-shit expression.

The house was quiet now as Dean listened. John and Mary must have called it quits for the night, retiring to their own room- or perhaps John had been banished to the couch, an event which over the years Dean had come to understand did not happen a lot, but had happened before.

"Speaking of problems, have you made up with Cas yet?" Sam asked sleepily, resting his head heavily against Dean shoulder, an action which mirrored his younger self, on the nights the two of them would stay up for as long as possible together- only to have Sam fall asleep first and practically curl himself around Dean like some freaking little brother shaped cat.

It took a moment or so before Dean decided to answer and by that time, Sam had already begun to breathe heavily, his eyes now closed shut as he leant against his brother.

"Actually yeah," Dean said, fiddling with the hem of his bed covering, "me'n'Cas, we ah, we talked."

"That's good… talking. People need to do more of that." Dean wasn't exactly sure if 'people' applied to him and Cas specifically or whether of not Sam just meant generally but regardless he agreed with the sentiment.

There were quite a few things Dean needed to do when he saw Cas next; up there on the list, but perhaps not at the top of it, was the idea of 'talk shit out'.

"Do you wanna sleep in here tonight kiddo?" Dean asked, pushing a tousled strand of his brothers forever growing hair out of his face- he'd have to get it cut soon.

Sam raised his head from Dean's shoulder with a restless grunt, his eyes were still half closed even as he forced himself into a standing position, and made his way pointedly towards the door.

"I'm not a kid anymore Dean." He mumbled sleepily, stopping just before the door to Dean's room.

"Besides I'd hardly want to take over Cas' spot, guess he's sort of laid claim to it anyhow."

For a boy merely moments before almost fast asleep on his brothers shoulder he sure did move fast when threatened with the approach of a roughly thrown oncoming pillow.

**CASTIEL**

It was late at night when Castiel, seated a top of his bed with his biology textbook in hand, heard the door to his bedroom open and his younger brother Gabriel peak his head in through the gap in the door way, a smug self-satisfied smile gracing the corners of his lips.

"Hey big bro," He said, causing Castiel to arch an eyebrow at him expectantly. "What-cha _doooing_?"

"Was there something you required, Gabriel?" Castiel asked, lowering his eyes back to the text in front of him. "I am rather busy."

"What?" Gabriel asked indignantly, entering the room and shutting the door behind him. "Can't one bro approach another bro without having ulterior motives?"  
The look Castiel threw to him suggested quite strongly that there was little chance of that.

"Oh, be still my beating heart." Gabriel said clutching his chest in mock horror, coming to step further into the room before he fell face down a top of Castiel's bed.

Castiel scowled at the back of his brother's head, collecting the scattered notes that had been jostled by Gabriel's impact upon hitting the bed.

Gabriel, with a smirk and mirth filled eyes, rolled onto his side, facing Castiel, propping his chin upon his crooked elbow. "Fine, you win Jesus, sour puss." He waved his hand languidly in the air. "Anna and I sort of spied on you a little bit, you know, this afternoon… with Dean."

Understanding dawned on Castiel then and he flushed darkly, feeling his cheeks color. "Gabriel you shouldn't have done that that was a private moment-"

"Private my ass, you were going at it like bunnies!"

"Gabriel!" Castiel scolded, body flushing with heat, either anger or embarrassment or something completely _other_ he wasn't entirely sure.

"So when's the big date?" Gabriel said slapping a hand to Castiel's shoulder, as he sat upright on the bed, crossing his legs beneath him.

"We do not have a date planned." Castiel answered his head low. "Dean has specifically asked for some distance between us, perhaps even for a few days as he needs some time to _'sort himself out'_ as he said."

Gabriel let out an indignant snort at that. "You mean a few days to psych himself out, jezz Cassy you can't let that happen!"

"Let what happen?" Castiel asked.

"Look," Gabriel edged closer then, carding a hand distractedly through his pushed back hair. "Seems to me that Dean's the type of guy who would be about as aware of his own emotions as an ant is of space. The more time you leave him to his own devices, the more time he's got to start burying all his gay feelings for you in a deep black hole and locking them up for good."

Castiel felt a pit begin to form in his stomach from Gabriel's words.

"So you are saying that I should approach Dean," He pressed cautiously, considering the option. "_Before_ he feels he is ready?"

"He's ready _now_ Cas, he just-" Gabriel shook his head at the situation, "doesn't know that he is yet. Anna agrees with me, FYI, she thinks you two are cute together."  
Castiel felt his nose wrinkle as he thought of the term cute being applied to him and Dean, and thinking of what Dean would think of the endearment in particular.

He pursed his lips. But he knew that Dean at least felt something now, something beyond the normal realms of friendship, he had said so himself hadn't he, Dean had said that he had enjoyed the kiss, enjoyed kissing Castiel. And with that thought the apprehension curling in his gut loosened just the tiniest bit more.

"I can't help feeling that, perhaps you are right-" he said finally

Gabriel in a very Gabriel way, fist-pumped the air. "Yes! See-"

"But maybe I shouldn't-" Cas backtracked tentatively, feeling self-conscious. It was too much of a risk to do anything that would cause Dean's feelings, platonic or otherwise to change for him, the chance of any such plan backtracking entirely was too great, he could lose Dean by being too forceful- he could lose the only friend he'd ever had.

"You could regret it for the rest of your life if you don't." Gabriel countered seriously.

Castiel felt his eyebrows rise to his hairline. "I find that highly unlikely." He said, but a part of him couldn't help but think- _what if Gabriel's right?_

"But you never know do you?" Gabriel insisted. "If you can look me in the eye right now with complete and utter certainty and say a couple months even years from now, two- five that you wouldn't regret not trying to be _something_ _more_ _with Dean_ then I'll drop the matter right now, and you won't hear from me again." Gabriel waited uncharacteristically patient with his hands folded before him.

Castiel raised his blue eyed gaze to his brother helplessly, opened his mouth once before closing it again with a small shake to his head.

Gabriel smiled triumphantly. "See Cassy, your young and objectively in a non- incestuous-way hot, what have you got to lose really?"

"A friend, Gabriel." Castiel answered though it hurt in his heart to do so. "Dean is my friend _first _and-" _and anything else that could possibly be between us comes second to that, at the most._

"Cas you've gotta go out on a limb sometimes alright? Fight for what you want and deal with the consequences after, be bold and daring and all that Jazz. Guy's;more-often-than-not, like it when the girl- or well _you_, takes control a little bit and shows some initiative. It kind of turns them on in a way."

"You mean," Castiel said, licking his dry lips at the thought of Dean possibly being aroused by him, like how he was that morning several days ago. "-Dean would be, _pleased_ if I made things up as I went? Acted more spontaneously?"

"Exactly! I think-" Gabriel said cocking his head in sudden uncertainty, "What is your lover boy doing tomorrow?"

"_Dean-_" Cas corrected his younger brother pointedly, though he didn't much mind the term lover, but only when used in the privacy of his own thoughts. "-Is working with a man named Bobby Singer, a friend of the Winchester family who owns a salvage yard just out of town."

"Well excellent!" Gabriel smiled, clapping his hands together. "Go there after school- I could cover for you at home and poof, just like that-" He snapped his fingers for emphasis. "You could be in Deano's arms by dinner time."

"But what if he doesn't want me Gabriel?" Castiel found himself asking involuntarily the insecurities he had tried to keep at baby bubbling up to the surface then. He hadn't even allowed himself to think the words before let alone utter them aloud.

"Castiel-" Gabriel said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. "How could he _not_ like you bro?"

_Fairly easily_. Castiel thought but sighed instead; turning his face from his brother and settling his text book aside, crossing his legs beneath him.

"I'm serious bro." Gabriel said. He raised his hand up and cupped the side of Castiel's face by his chin and turned it towards him. "You've got to have a little bit more faith in yourself and in Deano alright? He likes you Cassy, and you like him. You know how he feels and he knows how you feel, but the two of you have gotta stop putting so much pressure on something that is supposed to be awesome and easy." He let Castiel go then, shaking his head. "You guys are gonna run to each other in slow motion amongst a field of wild flowers alright? And that will be that, and then you can do whatever it is that you want and the both of you can stop being stubborn, questioning dick bags and _get it on already_."

Castiel smiled softly to his brother, feeling the tight fist in his chest loosen slightly. "Despite how father and Michael treat you, you are rather wise despite your… inherent immaturity."

"Oh hells yeah!" Gabriel smirked, giving Castiel's cheek a slight, teasing pat as he stepped back. "But _shhh_, don't tell anyone I have a reputation to maintain you know."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Castiel said with a shake of his head. "Goodnight Gabriel, and thank you, I will take your advice under consideration."

"You better do more than just consider it." Gabriel said laughing fondly, before he left the room. "My invaluable advice is only free the first time, any time after this and you're gonna have to pay."

**AN:**

**Should Cas approach Dean? I have two ways this can go ;)**


	16. Let the rain fall where it may

_If you are reading this you are an amazing human being._

First off **i am the sorriest living organism on the planet for my unwarned, massivly long hiatus**, i have been struggling with some personal/familiar issues combined with being in my final year of highschool (Which as most of you know/can imagine is stressful in itself) and i want to thank every single last one of you that has waited patiently and shared your thoughts wishes of this story in the reviews section. You all have no idea of the impact your support and encouragement had on me during the 'Hiatus' and if it wasn't for that... this chapter wouldn't be here. In fact, as much as it pains me to say it, this story would have been abandoned a long time ago.

But this story has not and **WILL NOT BE ABANDONED**. Although untill i get back into the swing of things updates will be irregular and possibly infrequent, but i am determined to see this fanfic through.

Because of the 'dark days hiatus' i have uploaded an extral large chappy for you all (7000 words WOOO)

I hope you enjoy, it's been a long time coming for these boys (Dean) And myself to get our respective heads out of our asses and take action but...

Here it is Chapter 15. I thank you all and hope the wait was worth it (*Crosses fingers*?)  


_Castiel despised it when it rained on a Wednesday. Or in fact, any day really._

"Now, with the weather the way it is you all know what this means don't you?" Coach Hendrickson asked the flock of students as they shuffled, already exhausted and dripping wet onto the inside basketball court ready for last period gym.

His question was met with a disenchanted muttering of a few yes' and some grunt's in reply. Castiel stood a bit apart from the crowd, feeling, oddly enough, a little empathetic for his fellow peers. He himself was rather dry, his hair only now pressed damp and flat with the rain, but his trench coat served its purpose in providing him some relief throughout the day from the onslaught outside.  
Not everyone was so lucky.

"Dodge Ball." Coach Hendrickson answered with a belated tone of enthusiasm that only served to make him appear harsher- at least in Castiel's eyes.  
"Now, we've got a whole session of this, so I want this done right and I want it done quick. I'm about as happy as you lot are about it- so there's no use pretending otherwise. Now-" He clapped his hands together once before blowing his shrill whistle. "Let's hustle people, get changed- and I want two teams of twelve out here on the court in less than five minutes!"

Everyone moved quickly, egar to shed their wet, damp clothes and change into something dry as the two masses split down the middle; boys and girls and began to go their separate ways.

Like all high schools, Castiel thought, there were two sets of change rooms in the school gymnasium each of them clearly marked, one boys and the other girls. He stopped, standing between the two, staring at the painted brick wall between them noting the dull and faded cracks of the bricks, the places where the unsightly blue paint had chipped and faded with age. Castiel supposed there was only a few inches of space between the two doorways no one could hold it against him if he was to accidentally slip between the arches of the girls doorway- make his way through the cubicles to the one at the end, empty and peaceful as he would put aside his trench coat and get changed into his gym uniform.

Quelling that thought quickly Castiel gripped his gym bag tightly in hand as his peers around him rushed to get changed and place themselves into teams on the court. He begrudgingly, with a final glance around him followed the mass of boys as they entered their respective gym room carrying his change of clothes with him.

He shuffled to the end of the change rooms to the furthest enclosed stall, not bothering to glance around him much. Castiel was methodical and gentle as he undressed, sliding his bandaged arms slowly from his sleeves, and feeling a stinging slicker of shame ignite low in his gut at the sight of the white gauze wrapped around his too thin wrists. His already bad mood didn't help the matter any, and he refused to acknowledge the questioning, accusatory stares of his fellow classmates when he did emerge from the bathroom, the ill-fitting sports uniform exposing his arms for all to see and judge.

He was the last in the change rooms and one of the first out. There were several other classmates on the court as Castiel walked towards them. Hendrickson was already assigning teams when he arrived, and he was quickly sent to the far side which was dubbed team blue, by the color of their vests. He slipped on his vest and took position standing far back in the crowd surveying the area.

"_Well, hey Castiel long time no see_."

The whistle blew to begin the game; Castiel glanced to his side to see a girl, with dark unruly hair pulled up into a pony tail and pale skin. She smiled at him wickedly, eyes pinpointed like sharpened darts as they raked over him.

"I'm sorry" Castiel began keeping on eye on her one eye on the opposing team. "Do I know you?"

"No." The girl smiled brilliantly, but there was a sharp precision to her eyes that had Castiel feeling nervous. "But I sure do know you Clarence. Name's Meg Masters-"

Castiel stood stock still for a moment before moving aside, a rubber ball zipped right past where he had been standing, bouncing on the court and only missed him by a few inches.

"No mutual hello? Come on now is that anyway to treat a team member?" Meg asked sardonically, pushing a tendril of her dark hair behind her ear as she stood, poised like a cat ready to pounce, throwing two balls with succession to the opposite side of the field.

"Where do you know me from?" Castiel asked her, dodging another incoming ball and hearing the hard slap and groan as it obviously hit someone behind him.

"Well here dummy!" She expertly dodged another ball. "Around school you're always wearing that trench coat ain't cha?"

Castiel huffed in response, ducking another ball, it came to a stop near him close enough to grab if he wanted to he could pick it up and toss it over.  
It wasn't until the ball remained untouched that he realized he and Meg were the only 'blue team' players left.

Meg sidestepped him, gripped the ball tightly under her arm and passed it to Castiel already having one of her own. Her grin was predatory as she eyed him over.

"What's say you take the left, me take the right hey Clarence?"

"My name is not Clarence" Castiel found himself saying, only half interested in the conversation the majority of his attention focused on the other side of the court, as the teens congregated and flanked left to right.

Castiel could see seven of the -had been twelve- red team holding onto the red rubber dodge balls. Castiel had learnt, over the last few months of having taking this class that Charles Shirley- the disarrayed, scruffy haired boy on the left side of the field had little to no coordination when it came to physical fitness. The blonde girl off to the opposite side, ran track and hurdles, but he was unsure of her skill set in regards to dodge ball.

Each of the other five students- _opponents_, Castiel mind supplied him simply- had varying skills in athleticism. Possibly the biggest threat on the opposing side was a boy by the name of Gordon, who Castiel recognized from his Art classes with Dean-

_Dean._ Castiel thought wistfully, smiling to himself. He supposed that Dean would be quite excellent at sports. With his toned, well-built body, working efficiently and precisely in time with Dean's needs. How he'd move agile and graceful- working seamlessly like a well-tuned instrument. Dean appeared at home in his body, in his skin, in a way that Castiel had never really mastered-

_Fwack_! The red ball collided with Castiel's head with a startling force that sent him instantly to the ground with a dull but hard _thud_. Jostling his body and knocking the wind out of him.

"Don't worry Clarence, I got your back." Meg announced with a wink, picking up the ball in one hand and throwing it deftly with ferocious precision right into the gut of Castiel's assailant, who was no other than Charles, looking more apologetic in that moment than scared as the ball whirled towards him and connected harshly with his body. Castiel, feeling the beginnings of a headache wreck his system, obviously had misjudged the smaller boy.

Despite himself Castiel felt a small inkling of distaste at Meg's defense of him. He watched as Charles hobbled off of the field, griping his middle what looked to be almost painfully, as he cast Meg a thinly veiled look of loathing.

Seemingly unfazed Meg, clapped Castiel on the shoulder- her touch lingering strictly longer then necessarily before she edged back into the game, her gaze frighteningly predatorial as she scanned the remaining few stragglers on the opposite side of the field.

"Novak! If you're out of the game, off the court!" Coach Hendrickson yelled, jostling Castiel from his sprawled position on the hardwood floor and causing him to stand, feeling his head throb dully with the hit.

Castiel sat obediently down, joining his peers in watching the remainder of the game. Meg on her own was set against the other five, Gordon Walker, a fair haired boy Castiel did not know the name of, as well as two larger built boys- Meg threw the red rubber ball and it hit its target exactly with a loud and painful seeming _Fwack_- make that one larger built boy and another girl who looked about as egar to be one of the few remaining on the field as an ant would with the approach on an oncoming boot.

Needless to say by the end of the game Meg was the only one who remained standing.

*******

"_Hey Castiel! Castiel wait!"_

Castiel walked with his head down, his hands embedded into the deep pockets of his trench coat with the rain battering down around him in a ferocious onslaught of wet and bitter coldness. He didn't hear the voice call out to him at first as he walked along the sidewalk, against the wind but as a small, oddly green compact car pulled up along-side him, he lifted his head and was met with Charles Shirley's concerned gaze.

"You look like you could use a lift." Charles said, raising his voice to the downpour outside.

Half of Castiel thought to wave the other boy back on his way, but the cold, drenched particularly miserable part of him soon overwhelmed that notion.  
Charles' car was a lot smaller than Dean's. With dark seat coverings and what looked like crumbled up soda cans, half chewed pens and crumpled note paper littering the dashboard and floor.

"Thank you for stopping Charles." Castiel said earnestly, huddling in on himself as the cold and wetness seeped further into his clothing. "I seem to have acquired a habit of finding myself caught out in a downpour."

"Lucky you're always wearing that _Constantine_ coat right?" Chuck smiled sideways at him. "And hey, call me Chuck, everyone else does."

"Alright… Chuck."

Chuck smiled warmly, pulling the car out from the side of the road and fidgeting with the steering wheel as he keep his gaze on the road ahead of him. "Where you wanna go Castiel? I can drop you off pretty much anywhere."

Castiel kept his eyes focused out of the window as he answered, blinking the rain drops from his lashes as he twisted his hands in his damp with rain water lap.

"Ah-to Singer Garage and Salvage. I am under the assumption that it is just a few minutes out of town." When Chuck looked to him perplexedly, Castiel added, "I'm meeting a friend there."

He was surprised by the words as they passed his lips, not so much that Dean was a friend (which he had never had the occasion to voice out loud, but was happy to have the opportunity now) but rather that the fact that unconsciously, he had overcame a part of him had finally resolved to actually go there. With Gabriel's encouragement sounding in his head, and nervous anticipation curling in his gut, the desire to see Dean, to talk to him was almost overwhelming.

He would never have been able to stay away from the boy for long.

Chuck, none the wiser of Castiel's own turmoil, nodded enthusiastically, unlike Dean, he kept his gaze firmly on the road ahead as he spoke. "So, ah I wanted to apologize- about today, in gym." He trailed off awkwardly, indicating to turn off the road that headed out of town.

"Apologize?" Castiel questioned turning to him.

"Yeah." Chuck admitted sheepishly, both hands still on the wheel, his fingers flexing intermittently as they traveled through the rain. "I kinda hit you with the ball, back there…"

"Isn't that the point of the exercise?" Castiel asked him curiously, before saying; "It was a rather well placed throw." Even though it had hurt at the time, and Castiel could still feel a dull ache at the base of his skull, and a fluttering feeling in his stomach as though a hundred bees were swarming inside of him- oh, that could've just been nerves.

_Nerves for going to see Dean_. Castiel thought, for the hundredth time that day alone. What if Dean didn't want to see him-

"Yeah but still I wasn't even aiming for you," Chuck explained, interrupting Castiel's thoughts. "Or anyone really I just wanted the ball as far away from me as I could get it."

"Understandably. I'm not fond of the game either." Castiel conceded.

Chuck laughed warmly at that, his grip on the steering wheel loosening somewhat. "Yeah, Gordon's a bit of a dick too, and Meg-" He bit his lower lip and side glanced Castiel, almost guiltily stopping his phrase in his tracks. "Yeah, well you know she's got an arm, that friend of yours."

"Meghan is no friend of mine." Castiel said honestly, if not a bit too abrasively. "She persists to call me Clarence when I have already explained to her that my name is Castiel."

"She's teasing you Castiel. Besides your name-" Chuck smiled sheepishly, "It's kind of a hard one to forget."

"Dean prefers to call me Cas."

"Dean Winchester?"

Castiel nodded, feeling a smile tingle at the edge of his mouth, as what was quickly becoming habit when he thought of his green-eyed neighbor. "Yes we're neighbors."

"Huh." Chuck said. "That's cool I guess. I don't really know Dean that well, but he's better than Gordon yeah?"

"Much." Castiel answered, peering out the window to a large, run down sign; _Singer Garage & Salvage_. "I believe the turn off is here Chuck."

"Oh right." Chuck turned the wheel, guiding the small green car, riddled with rain into the narrow long driveway. The skeletons of old used cars were stacked high like towers along the drive, littered between them bits and pieces of metal and apparent junk that Castiel himself would not be able to discern the use of. Soon the path divided off into a large flat gravel space, outside what Castiel presumed as the garage.

Chuck stalled the car, peering to the large closed shed with something akin to worry.

"You're meeting your friend _here_?"

"Yes." Castiel answered, turning to him. He could not see Dean through the rain splattered window, nor could he see inside the shed itself. A twist, tight and uncomfortable formed in his gut- what if Dean wasn't here? "Thank you Chuck for driving me."

"S'no worries." Chuck smiled pleasantly, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "You look after yourself alright Cas. And hey if you ever need a ride in the rain, you know who to call."

Castiel smiled, pulled his trench coat tighter around his shoulders as he opened the car door and got out into the rain. "Thank you." He repeated again, just as Chuck started to pull out of the drive way.

The Garage loomed before Castiel, stark and seemingly uninviting. This would be his final chance to back out now. Leave Dean to his peace and allow him to approach Castiel on his own time. Castiel sucked in a resolute breath as he pulled his coat tighter around himself and began to walk inside.

****

DEAN

The insistent rain sounded against the tin roof of the garage as Dean slid the car's wheel back into place, and tightened each of the lug nuts, his hands slick with a days' worth of grease and sweat that he didn't mind so much. Despite the rain and cold outside, Dean was stifling. Although he'd only changed the brake pads on this car, over the last few hours Dean had performed routine maintenance on several of Bobby's regular customer's cars, fixed up the spider web like wiring in the back room, overhauled two carburettors and done one full tune-up on a car that looked like it had literarily been dragged through hell. In-between several smaller jobs like the one he'd just finished, Dean had spent the rest of the day taking calls on the phone, helped a man unload what seemed like a truck full of rusting sheet metal out into the yard and had to listened to Bobby curse Rufus's existence over the phone, because he'd ordered double the amount of parts for one customer's car, but in the wrong size.

All in all, Dean was egar to pack up for the day, take a long well-earned shower and drag himself to bed.

"You close to finishing up boy?" Bobby asked, wheeling himself into the room by a small wooden board placed like a ramp at the back entrance to the shed. "You've been 'ere an hour over time- don't you go expecting me to pay you extra now."

Dean took the jack from out under the car and returned to the lug nuts, tightening them up barely glancing over his shoulder as he spoke.

"Yeah just finishing up on this then I'll be out of your hair old man."

Bobby grumbled something too low for Dean to hear, before the squeak of his wheelchair signalled his retreat. Dean smiled to himself, pleased with what he had done today. The work was hard, especially with one man down, but that wasn't to say he didn't like it. There was nothing better than the deep, sweet ache that a hard day's work seeped into Dean's muscles. The way a well done engine could purr beneath his fingers. The satisfaction he would get from having created something- fixed something that to the average Joe seemed unfixable. Dean liked the way the metal a car felt under his skin, the smell of diesel and grease and sweat in the air, clinging to his skin and clothes like an insistent lover. There was something reassuring about the mechanics of the work, everything inside had its place its purpose, every part of it was needed to run smoothly.

The crunch of gravel on concrete alerted Dean to another presence in the room.

"Sorry, but I'm just finishing up." He said, his back to the newcomer as he rubbed his greased up hands with the rag. "I can get Bobby for you, or I can take a look at your problem but sort it out tomorrow-"

"I do not have a car Dean, nor a problem at least not of the mechanical sort."

Dean stopped and turned at the low gravelled and familiar voice. It wasn't a costumer in the doorway but _Cas_.

Water clung to his hair and eyelashes, making his skin paler and his eyes appear larger, like melted blue wax in a black rimmed bowl. His coat was darkly coloured with the rain and as always looked too big on him, hiding the lithe surprisingly sharp planed body that Dean knew was under there. He stood there silently a high blush startling his cheeks and he looked… increasingly hot and not in the temperature way.

Dean stared at Cas. And Cas stared at Dean.

"If this is an inopportune time," Cas began, "I could just wait outside till you were-"

"No, Cas." Dean stepped forward, as Cas snapped his mouth shut. The action was automatic and involuntary, as was the way Dean's hand arched up between them, reaching out almost as if to touch.

Dean made a forceful effort of returning his wayward hand to his side, scolding the small part of him that was just aching to wrap Cas up against his chest and keep him warm.

"Shit, you're soaking." Dean managed instead, knowing he was standing dumbly, probably looking worse for wear all greased and sweated up, feeling strangely insecure. Then again it was only ever Cas who could wrangle up the oddest sensations in Dean, slipping underneath all of the walls he had spent his life building up, managing to blow them over with a simple blue eyed blink.

"One of the many side effects of standing outside vulnerable to the elements; deliberating as to whether or not I should even be here." Castiel pursed his lips at that as though the rain had personally affronted him in some way. "I am not fond of getting wet." He added plainly.

Dean felt his lips kick up in a smile, something warm, warmer than the feeling of his over worked muscles sunk into his skin, prickling it with something akin to affection. "At least you're wearing your coat." he said, stopping his fingers from twitching as he once again wanted to draw Cas nearer. "Take your coat off before you drown in it. I'll get the heater starter so you can dry up a bit."

Cas obeyed, stepping further into the room. Dean turned his back, and headed for the rusted out electric heater, fiddling with the stiff switches till he got it working. When he turned back around Cas was standing closer, but not nearly as close as normal. Dean felt his gut twist at that, how Cas was keeping his distance specifically because Dean had asked him to-

God, why had he asked him to again?

Dean swallowed and stepped forward. He took Cas' jacket wordlessly and placed it spread out near the small heater, in a vain attempt to dry it- although half the reason he did it was to give his idle hands something to do, something that didn't involve trying to reach out and run their away across Cas' rain slick chest beneath his now, almost see-thru shirt.

"What are you doing here man?" Dean asked with a slight shake to his head, digging his own hands into his pockets to keep them still. "How'd you even get here?"

"I had a… friend drop me off." Cas said. Without his coat, the sharper angles of his body were more visible beneath the soaked through cotton of his white shirt- he shuffled his feet, his hands embedded in his trouser pockets his body ramrod straight- which Dean knew was the Cas equivalent of shrinking in on himself trying to make himself seem smaller.

The sight of the other boy, shivering and cold and so absolutely _Cas_ made something in Dean's chest thump painfully. He knew a part of his should be mad, he had asked for space, had asked for time to wrap his head around, whatever this big indiscernible thing between them was, and here was Cas, not giving it to him. But with Cas around, some of the tension in Dean's body ebbed, and a part of him, a bigger part than he had first given acknowledgement too, was just so freaking glad.

"This is… awkward." Cas said uneasily, his voice hard clipped and stoic, but his eyes were wide and filled with something like embarrassment that tied Dean all up in knots. "I should have thought of something to say to you on the way over here."

"Yeah, you should have." Dean clipped, a little more abrasively than he would have liked. Cas' jaw tightened and he turned his head, breaking the eye contact between them- and okay that was just a no go zone because he couldn't just look like that, so hopelessly hopeful and dejected right in front of Dean all at the same time and not expect Dean to do something about it.

If asked, Dean couldn't remember whether he'd bridged the space between them then, or if it had been a slowly progressive thing since he'd spotted Cas standing in the doorway to the garage. Between one moment and the next, the gap between them was next to non-existent and they were so close now, close enough that they were almost touching, Cas' breath close enough to warm Dean's face.

"You are angry with me." Cas said, but it was more so a question.

"No." Dean said after a breath of silence. "But does it make me an asshole if I say I want to be?"

"A little. Yes." Cas replied.

Dean felt his eyes slip down to Cas' mouth, his lips damp with the rain. He instinctively wet his own lips in response, sliding his tongue against his bottom lip before he shrugged casually.

"Then I'm an asshole," he said. "And I don't think I know how to stop being one."

"Dean,"

There was a question in Cas' tone, but Dean continued on, knowing that if he didn't say what needed to be said now, he'd lose his courage and Cas along with it.

"Yesterday I told you," he began lowly, his eyes darting between Cas' blue rimmed, blinking eyes and the empty space behind his shoulder. "I'm not really good at this, whatever _this_ is."

Cas sucked in a breath like he was waiting to be hit, and well that _hurt_. Dean hesitated, feeling as though he was being pulled in separate directions. He reached for Cas' arm and slid his hand down, his fingers brushed the back of Cas' hand, the skin cool and damp to the touch, before circling gently around his bandaged wrist, beneath the sleeve of his shirt.

"What else I didn't tell you," Dean swallowed, "is that I'm not really good at waiting either."

Cas, his eyes on Dean's, licked his lips, a drop of rainwater slid down his face, from his hair onto his bottom lip only to be lapped at by the pink muscle.

"Patience is a virtue." He said slowly, a small, teasing smile crinkled the edges of his eyes as he looked down to his hand in Dean's grasp then back up to his face. "Though I suppose it can be said that you're not the virtuous type."

Dean laughed and the tension weighing on his shoulders dissipated as though disappearing like magic.

"Dick," he said, with an affectionate eye roll.

Cas' face barely had time to break into the barest hints of a gummy smile before Dean pressed forward, his eyes slipping shut as he pulled Cas closer to his body. Cas' breath hitched as Dean closed the gap between them slanting their mouths together. It was both completely like and unlike the first kiss they had shared only yesterday. Cas tasted like rainwater and something hotter, his cheeks chilled and damp but his mouth and lips were warm, inviting, coaxing Dean forward, till he found his hand pulling its way around Cas' waist, his other coming up to cup the swell of his cheek, bushing a finger against the slowly heating skin there. And it was as if the gentle touch lit a fuse between them.

It had been hard to tell when they had first kissed in Dean's baby, but Cas kissed with his entire body, his hands grappled and pulled at Dean's clothes, moving from around his waist, up his back, tugging on his chest back down to Dean's hips before winding their way fully around the slope of Dean's neck, causing a soft needy and desperate sound to escaped his parted lips. Cas' kisses were hot, fevered and hungry, his tongue unpractised but enthusiastic explored Dean's mouth with something like restrained wonder. Which normally would have been the end there, but with Cas just made Dean groan low in his throat and press his mouth more hotly against him.

It wasn't until Dean felt his back collide dully with the door of the car that he realized Cas was pushing him back into it- and damn, was that a whole new level of hot. Before Dean could break away to breathe, Cas pulled back, long enough to suck in one breathe before he surged forward, pushing Dean further into the metal. His hands gripped Dean's shirt bunched at the waist as he drew their torso's together and in his fever began kissing his way from Dean's lips to his jaw line, each touch like molten lava over Dean's skin leaving a fiery trail. Dean tilted his neck back, his eyes slipped shut as his hips instinctively canted forward, craving friction, craving something, craving Cas.

"Cas-" he managed to murmur, as the boy in question latched his lips upon the pulse point in Dean's neck and licked, sending a pleasant ripple through Dean's body, as his hips finally found the friction they needed, against Cas' pants clad thigh, suddenly and blissfully wedged between his legs. "Cas- god, Cas-"

The sound of the back door open with a creak wasn't any louder than usual but the squeak of it was like an ice cold bucket of water over Dean's and Cas' heads.

Cas jumped back first. His hands, fisted in the front of Dean's shirt tightened briefly before loosening as he looked to the door his eyes dark with lust his lips kiss swollen and Dean knew he must look the same. Cas' eyes closed into thick black crescents on his cheekbones as he looked down, taking one step than another backwards before he looked up again, as though he was about to say something-

"You still working Dean?" Bobby called from the doorway, just out of sight from this side of the car. The tell-tale squeak of his wheelchair sounded as he entered the garage, wheeling to the opposite side of the car before he stopped, in full sight of Cas, who was standing like a very guilty, thoroughly kissed deer in headlights and Dean half slumped against the car, and about 99% he was blushing scarlet and flashing like a neon sign to just what type of 'work' he had been doing.

"Who are you then?" Bobby asked.

"Bobby," Dean's voice cracked, but he steadied it with some effort. "Bobby, he's a friend of mine from school-"

"Bout time you made one of those." Bobby snarked crustily, with a shrug, to which Cas realized a softly amused breath, one Dean couldn't help but feel the corner of his mouth kick up at.

"You've got a name then?" Bobby asked Cas, eyeing him scrutinly.

"Castiel." Cas answered, cutting Dean off, as he stepped around Dean and plucked his still wet trench coat from in front of the heater and slipped it on over his shoulders. "Castiel Novak."

"_Cas_…tiel?" Bobby repeated slowly, but his gaze lingered on Dean the entire time with an unreadable expression. Dean could see realization creep into his eyes, something that both sickened him and relieved him simultaneously. Bobby's lips pulled taught, his eyes hardened into a question that pierced through Dean like a spear. A question Dean had absolutely no idea how to answer- _so yeah you know that girl I mentioned one time, Cas… well he's not quite as female as I led you to believe._

Bobby turned his gaze on Cas, looking up at him with a knotted expression. "Castiel…What in the hell kind of a name is that?"

"Bobby-" Dean admonished, taking a minute step forward much to the surprise of himself and the older man. Cas however just smiled, albeit somewhat meekly, unaware of the shifting demeanour in the room of the air suddenly growing thick and uncomfortably stale.

He shrugged lightly, looking down to Bobby his blue eyes- as always unnervingly intense. "It's a biblical name, the Angel of Thursday. My mother chose it for me, she was always fond of Angels" There must have been something in Cas' tone as he brought up his mum, that made something in Bobby uncharacteristically softer in that moment, and the horror Dean usually felt at Bobby's perceptiveness ebbed slightly.

"Well ah." Bobby swallowed gruffly, a slight frown wrinkling the brow beneath his cap as he processed this new information, rolling it around in his mind; and for that full moment Dean didn't breathe. "S'good name boy."

Cas stilled at Bobby's words, and ducked his head, embarrassment or something other flushing his cheeks as he adverted his gaze in a very un-Cas like manner. Something in Dean twisted at the action and he stepped closer, making sure to give Cas' shoulder a light brush as he did so, almost standing between Cas and Bobby now.

"I've finished up on those brake pads you wanted Bobby. So if that's all…"

"You can go." Bobby affirmed, his eyes trained on Castiel as though he was a mismatched puzzle piece that didn't quite fit. "Won't be needing you to come in tomorrow son. Jody's taking me to the hospital to see if the Doc's will let me outta this damn chair."

"Jody?" Dean smiled, relieved for the shift in conversation. "As in sheriff Mills, Jody? As in the woman you've had your eye on for what, a month now?"

Bobby had the decency to bristle at that, his eyes narrowing, and it's a gaze that was meant to be warning, but it wasn't, not really. "You keep quiet about that now."

"Hey, my Scouts honour man," Dean breathed an internal sigh of relief, the usually easiness that he so often associated with being with Bobby was crawling back, curling around the almost physical implication of Bobby's previous stares and the conclusion he had drawn from them and smoothing them over, washing them away like rain.

"I'm just saying, the waiting room isn't really the ideal place for a first date."

"You shut it ya idgit." Bobby said, before addressing Cas. "You'd reckon this boy'd learn his lesson and treat his elders with some respect."

Cas looked up from his shoes, seeming distant, but he smiled slightly, and nodded in Bobby's direction. "Dean does seem to maintain a rather juvenile attitude to persons of authority."

Bobby let out a bark of laughter, while Dean tried not to appear scandalised. "Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!" he said whirling around on his friend. "And it's not _juvenile_."

Cas just offered up a small one sided shrug in response, but the shadow of a real smile flittered over his lips. "I think it would be more lucrative for me, if I remained on Bobby's 'good side'."

Bobby snorted. "I don't even have a good side." He wheeled his chair back, looking to Dean and Cas in turn, "And if you've been helping this boy in school, you don't need to win me over."

Cas smiled, obviously pleased, Dean just wished the ground would swallow him up whole.

"Alright, that's our cue to leave." He said, grabbing Cas' wrist and tugging on it, not enough to hurt the wounds, but enough to prompt Cas to follow him. He dropped Cas' arm quickly when Bobby met his eye, they didn't break eye contact for a few seconds, and Dean could almost feel the probing questions Bobby aimed his way, the accusations. All of a sudden Dean felt impossibly small in the large space of the Garage.

He dropped his gaze first, and mustered up a wry smile. "Tell Jody I say hi, tomorrow alright."

"Get out of here already." Bobby said, his back already turned on the pair.

Relieved, Dean let out a breath. "If you be a real sweetheart to her Bobby, maybe next date you guys can go sort out your taxes, or collect the post."

He didn't hear Bobby's steely reply; he had already pulled Cas with him out of the shed when the sound of a thrown wrench hitting the shed wall sounded behind them.

It was still raining, fat heavy droplets that had Dean soaked in seconds. The two boys half ran to the car in their effort to escape the elements, Dean only allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief, once both Cas and himself were buckled inside the impala, with the garage behind them already starting to shrink in his review mirror.

The relief was short lived though, as Dean smacked his forehead down on the knuckles of his fingers gripping the steering wheel.

"Crap." He groaned, lifting his head up to focus on the road back in front of him, his visibility lessened by the greying overcast sky, and the rain battering against the front window as they drove. "Bobby thinks I'm…you know."

Cas settled himself into the front seat, looking down distastefully at his wet clothing. "That you're what, Dean."

"You know." Dean gestured absently with one hand on the wheel. "Gay-"

"You're not gay Dean." Cas said simply, not looking away from the window, the swirling thunderclouds on his side of the car, off in the paddocks appeared heavy and menacing in the distance.

"Really? Well I think the fact that I was making out with a dude put's a little kink in your statement there Cas."

Castiel said nothing, but his whole body stilled like a reflex action, as though he had just been petrified by a basilisk and damn it why had Dean let Sam talk him into watching those wizard movies.

"Shit." He swore, and side glanced his friend, the tension in the small metal compartment jumping from 0- to 100 in less than sixty seconds. "I fucked this up already haven't I?" _And I don't even know how._

It took a while for Cas to answer, and when he did his words were slow, deliberate as though he was thinking them over in his head before saying them aloud:

"I can understand your desire to keep this aspect of your life private Dean." He didn't look at Dean as he spoke, and that made Dean feel like an asshole. "I- do not want you to feel obligated, or _forced_ into any sort of social situation in regards to… to us, and those you consider your family- like Bobby- that you do not want to be in. I understand…"

"I know you do Cas," Dean interrupted, his grip on the wheel loosening. "And that's what I like about you."

Dean could have sworn Cas smiled then, but then again it could have just been the positioning of shadows dancing across his features as they drove now into town, under the lights that lined the streets of Lawrence.

"If I'm honest with you this kinda freaks me out." Dean continued. "I'm, I've been freaked out for months over this _stuff_ and, I can't promise you that I won't again, that I won't stuff this up, but I really do wanna try and do right by you."

"Months?" Castiel repeated, his eyes widening fractionally, his tone carefully guarded but with an underlining current of energy now that it made Dean sit up straighter and his fingers twitch. "You have thought of me in a romantic manner, for _months_?"

Dean turned into their shared street, feeling Cas' sudden gaze on him like a physically tangible thing.

"Well yeah… I mean. I didn't really notice much at first, cos you're my friend and I didn't- _don't_ swing that way. But after that night down at the park you remember? Well anyway after that I sought of just started noticing you like _actually_ noticing you, like one minute you were Cas, and the next minute you were- I dunno," As Dean pulled to the curve between their two houses and stopped the engine, he unbuckled his seat belt and faced Cas, grasping his hands in his lap. "It's just you ended up being _different_ and I don't get why but I'm sorta just rolling with it now and seeing where this goes."

He looked down at his hands, then back up again. Cas was sitting still, impossibly still almost as if he was a statue, his eyes were comically wide and his mouth was partway open, he looked shocked.

"Wow," Dean laughed insecurely, carding a hand through his quickly drying hair. "Okay I sound like a friggin girl_umf_-"

Dean had kissed a lot of people in his sixteen year old life and it was logical to assume that each and every person kissed in a slightly different way and it seemed impossible that kissing Cas was even in the same stratosphere as kissing anybody else- but it was the only way to explain what Dean felt the moment Cas slotted his mouth and his and kissed as though he'd die without it. It wasn't a particularly long kiss, not nearly as long as their other ones, nor as deep, just a press of slightly parted lips against Dean's own unprepared ones, but in such a short time Cas had somehow managed to put so much into it, so much feeling and warmth that when he broke away -both of his hands still clasped on Dean's cheeks, his nimble thumbs rhythmically stroking Dean's freckles as though committing each individual one to memory- it took Dean's breath away, quite literally. His lips tingled as his heart beat so furiously that it threatened to break out of his chest. It was like every little sensation in a normal kiss was magnified tenfold.

"I want to see where this goes also." Castiel said, his voice gravel wrapped in silk, deep and low it curled around Dean's ears like an embrace and melted into his chest emanating warmth.

"We should go." said Dean instead.

Cas looked hurt for a split second, but before he got a chance to mask the expression Dean reacted quickly. His placed his hands on Cas'- still on his cheeks- and drew them away, placing them down in his own lap, Cas' skin against his was pleasantly warm.

"I'm not freaking out," he said, adding emphasis to his words with a reassuring squeeze. "I'm not. I just . . . I don't want to fuck this up. And honestly Cas, I'm beat and I can't exactly give you the full Dean Winchester experience when what I really need is a shower and a day long nap." He offered Cas a softening smile. "Whatever this is, Cas, I want to do it right."

"This feels right to me." Castiel said, squeezing back. If it was anyone else Dean might've gagged from the corniness, but with Cas- it was said with such fondness and honesty that Dean had to stifle a pleased chuckle.

"I know. Come on, we look like freaking creepers just sitting here. Besides wouldn't want you to catch a cold keeping you in those wet clothes for too much longer now would we?"

The complete look of choked embarrassment on Cas' face then was enough to make Dean laugh out loud.

"Get your mind out of the gutter." he chided fondly, as he patted Cas' knee once before exiting the car, the rain still pattering, but softer now sounded around them.

Cas followed suit, unfolding himself from the car and tossing Dean a scandalized scowl over his shoulder.

"That's hypocritical of you to say, Dean Winchester, especially considering the number of times Sam's reprimanded you for much of the same thoughts."

Dean laughed as he circled around to the passenger seat, locking his baby up before making his way to Cas' side. A part of him wouldn't mind in that moment, even with the rain, pinning Cas to the side of the car and giving him one last kiss to wipe the satisfied smirk off his face. Instead Dean just let his hand brush Cas', and dropped a lewd wink for extra measure as the two of them parted, from the car. Cas shared the gesture with a smile of his own, as he pushed his water slick hair back from his forehead and offered Dean a small wave.

"I will see you tomorrow Dean." It wasn't a normal 'see you later', it seemed more like a promise.

Dean grinned in reply and shared the sentiment, and the two of them broke apart and left for their separate houses. Dean waited until Cas closed his door behind him, before he slipped inside himself, smiling all the while.

_*Remember this work is unbetaed therefore all mistakes and inaccuracies are my own.*_


End file.
